I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 31

Alone and Numb

**Ethan**

[3 weeks later]

It has been three and half weeks since Tristan was buried and it seems everything got turned upside down again. I can’t focus, I’m lost in my own self at times I can’t even breath. I pray and pray and at this point and time I feel so far away from God and that He is not listening or He just gone. Sitting at work reading my bible trying to find some peace

“Hey man, you ready for this benefit Saturday?” “I guess so. I think I have everything in place.” “Have you asked Journee yet?” I just looked at Curtis. “Still haven’t talked to her have you Ethan?” “I don’t even know what to say. When we were in the room I felt every bit of her shatter in my arms and it was nothing I could do.” “Talk to her. Be there for her. How do you know she isn’t falling apart?” “I don’t know.” “What made her fall apart over Tristan. I mean none of us never really knew him. We all hoped to but didn’t get the chance.”

“Part of me wonders if what Tristan said hit both of us harder than we want to say.” “You mean him saying that you guys were his parents?” “Yeah I mean I meet him once and talked to him. He said he wanted a better life and look at what happen. Don’t get me wrong I never question God. I just don’t know on this one, and Journee. I think it was like losing her son all over again. What’s worse. I don’t know how to get her through it. I can’t even get myself through this.” “Ethan as your best friend and the person who knows you better than most listen to me. Go talk to her ask her to sing at Tristan’s benefit to give kids like Tristan a safer place and better options in life.” “Benefit is tomorrow and she working and..” “And stop making excuses and go. I’ll cover for you.”  

I pulling up in the parking lot of Platinum I decided to call inside the club to get Journee on the phone since I don’t have cell phone. I laugh to myself as much as we are together we still don’t have each other’s cell number. I hear the phone ringing then a man answers. 

I heard him say ‘Platinum’.

“Hum yes may I speck with Journee please?”

“No one works here by that name.”

“Chocolate Goddess” I rushed out quick.

“hold on she just got off stage.” 

After a few moments, she said hello.

“Meet me outside please.”

“Who the fuck is this.”

“It’s Ethan Journee.”

“I don’t know an Ethan.”

“Journee, please.”  She just hung the phone up.

After about 10 minutes she stepped out the club. I got out my car and she walked over to where I was.

“Hey Journee.” I said lowly. “What the hell do you want?” “We need to talk.” “You haven’t talk to me in three weeks now all of a mutha fucking sudden you want to talk. Fuck that I’m good.” She says then turns and walks away. “It’s about Tristan.” She stopped and walked back over to me. “what about him?” “A benefit so kids don’t end up like him. I want you to sing.” “Bye.” I gently grabbed her arm. “Come on Journee, please?” “Why should I?” “He said you were the mom he never had.” “If that is the case Ethan then why haven’t you talked to me?”  

“Honestly Journee I don’t know how. I have been numb lately I can’t even explain how I’m feeling or cope with my own to try and be there for you. How can I be there for you when I trying to understand what’s going on with me?” “What’s wrong Ethan.” She asked with concern. “I cannot explain it I just feel nothing then I just want to escape this feeling and I can’t. No matter how hard I try. It’s like I’m trapped in the ocean and can’t get out. The more I try to emerge from the water I can’t. Like it a block or something preventing me from doing it. I don’t know why I just I just can’t put it into words.”