I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 44

Moving Forward

**Ethan**
After Journee left the Church she went back to Curtis’s house and he is making sure she is fine after what happened. When I got home I prayed and been looking for answers but nothing. I was interrupted from studying by a knock at my door.
I open the door and it revealed someone unexpected.

“Deacon Anderson, please come in.” He walked inside. He had a look plastered on his face that I could not read or understand. He took a seat I sat across from him. “Deacon Anderson what can I do for you?” “First is your fiancé here?” “She is not and she left me because she wanted me to continue being a pastor and felt her presence in my life was tained everything and everybody.” “I’m so sorry for my part in all of this.” I was shocked by his apologie. “After church, this morning Chole asked if she could talk with and a few of the deacons and she said you were involved with a well known prostitute and stripper. She also said that the Ms. Journee, I believe is her name?” I nodded my head yes. He continued. “She said that you and she was supposed to be married and she broke it up and she is still doing all of these things. Just making her out to be a horrible person. That is why we decided that we were going to vote you out. Me nor the other member knew the entire truth. Rev. Harbin we would be honored to have her as our first lady and she will have all of our respect just as you do.”

I was shocked and hurt and the same time. “Deacon Anderson thank you so much more telling me this. I am well aware of what Journee use to be. When I found her months ago I saw first hand but over time I got to know who she is. When God told, me she was the one, the person I have been praying for to reveal to me nothing else mattered. My parents wanted me to marry Chloe along with Chloe herself and her parents. God had other plans for me. Journee went out of her way to talk to my parents and this is what they do hurt her in the worse way.”

“Rev. Harbin, from all of us at the church please except our apologies. Could you please have Journee at the church next week. We would like to apologize to her in person and welcome her as the first lady.”

“I will do that.”

“Rev. Harbin one more thing.”

After Deacon Anderson left my house I went to my parent’s home. I knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. My dad swung the door open and a smile appeared on his face.

“Ethan come in son. It’s been so long.” I guess my mom heard she came running from the back and wrapped her arms around me. “My baby is here.” I didn’t even hug my mom back. Rage, anger, and hurt filled my body all vying to win this war within me.  I pulled away.

“Just stop.” My tone harsh and sharp. I continued. “I know you were the one who told Chloe about Journee and I. Do you realize I almost lost the most important job to me and that is preaching the gospel of God?  All because you do not like her. I would ask why but at this point it does not even matter to me anymore.” “Ethan.”

“No dad I’m tired. I’m tired of y’all disrespecting Journee and trying to hurt her when the truth of the matter your hurting me. You keep killing me over and over with the way y’all treat her. She came here to mend our family because she doesn’t have one. She selfless came here knowing how y’all feel about her on my behave.  I was unaware that she was coming or even came here to fix this between us. If before wasn’t clear it will be today. You will no longer see. When I get married y’all will not be invited.”

I watch both of my parents faces break and the tears flowed down their faces. I could forgive them not this time.

“when I have kids, you will never see your grandkids.” “Wait Ethan please. We will not do anything else we will welcome her with open arms. Just ple.” I cut off my mom. “No, it is too late I have tried and begged y’all to stop but no you just want to keep pushing the knife even deep in my heart and in my back while twisting it.
Each time I think you can’t go any lower you prove mw wrong.  I can’t do this anymore. Journee is my family now and we will make one. One without pain and heartbreak and deceit.”

“Son were sorry. Things will change.” “Dad I am not going to give you and mom another chance to sabatoach Journee and I. I almost lost my church. Being able to spread Gods word to be his vessel be the man who He called me to be. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Just so that both of you are very clear about what I am saying I talked with Deacon Anderson and if I won’t y’all out the church I can do that along with Chloe and her family. I would just appriacte if y’all never came again.” After that I turned and walked out.

** Journee **

Laying in the guest room of Curtis’s house tears just won’t stop falling. I have never felt anything like this before. This is a different type of pain. I heard a knock on my door. I figured it was Curtis I just ignored it. It got louder and harder. “Curtis go away. We can talk later.” The door open I felt him walking behind me. I felt a kiss on my cheek. I yelled out “Cur.” While turing I came face to face with ocean eyes.

“Ethan what are you doing here?” “I came to put this back oon your finger.” “We can’t and you know it.”  “Things have changed in more ways than one.”  “How so.” “The church my church excepts you and they are ready to welcome you as the first lady.” “What the hell is a first lady.” “You will be the lady of the church because you will be my wife.” “No” “Journee” “Ethan”

“We will be alright.” “I need to go to Flordia.” “We can go in a few weeks.” “No, I’m leaving in a few days.” “Are you going to see your mom and Oliver.” “Don’t expect kids from me. I can’t do it again.”  “Journee, it want be like it was before.” “Why do you want to be with me. I’ma whore. Your family does all of this so I can stay out of your life.” “Its not their call God has the say so in my life.” “Ethan, can we talk about this tomorrow I’m tired.” “Yeah we can. I’m going home I’ll be back in the morning.” “Wait Ethan can you stay with I mean in the other but can you stay. Yeah, I can. Ethan kissed me and stayed until I went to sleep. 

(2 days later)
{in Flordia}

Ethan and Curtis both decided to come to Flordia with me. Sunday night Ethan put the ring back on my finger and I haven’t taken it off since. When we got to the hotel room I went and took a shower. After my shower, I got dressed and went to Curtis and Ethan’s room. I knocked on the door and Curtis opened it.

“Hey. Where is Ethan?”  “He hasn’t gotten back from getting the flowers.” I nodded my head. “Journee, have you decided on a wedding day yet.” “Hell no. Whats the rush.” “Journee how long are you going hold it off.” “For the next 10 years.” He laughs but I was being serious. “Why are you wanting to wait 10 years?” “I don’t won’t to be a first any thing and I’ve told you I’m scared. Ethan is well he’s Ethan and look at me.” “Journee, you need to stop beating yourself from your past, things people told you that you are, and how they treated you.” “When you here it enough you believe and then it grows. Its hard to say it not what that all you have ever heard.” 

Curtis and I got interrupted when Ethan came in with the flowers. “Thank you for getting the flowers for me. Don’t bother sitting down let’s go.” “Yes ma’am.” The closer we got to the cemetery the more pain built up in me just as it always does. The question still lingers in me and loops in my mind. ‘Why couldn’t I save my son?’ We pulled up and everything engulfed my body and the pain was visable on me.

I kneel down at my son’s grave and the tears talked for me for the longest time.
“Hey baby boy. Mommy brought you some new flowers. Mom I got you some too. I hope you are not giving your grandma a hard time.” I reached up and touched his head stone. I whisper to my sons grave, ‘I wish I could see you.’

“Sweetie mommy needs to talk to you. This nice man who is here with me again his name is Ethan and he asked me to marry him. I need for you and mom to let me know its ok. Mommy is really scared can you in a way talk to mommy to show mw how you feel.” Before I knew what was going on dark could gathered quick and it poured down raining. We got back to the hotel and I changed out the wet clothes. Walking out the bathroom Ethan was sitting on the bed.

“I’m sorry your visit with your son got cut short.” “Ethan what is the situation with your family.” “My parents I am never talking to them again. They are completely cut out of our lives.” I walk over to the window and just watch the rain again again the window pane and wonder to my tears of pain break likr these falling on the ground or against the window.

“We going to get something to eat. Do you want to come?”  “Just bring me something back.”

** Ethan**
After we got back and Journee ate and been quiet. I am sitting in her room just watching her sleep. She hasn’t been the same same since we left the cemetery. I hope she understands why I did what I did with my parents. Yes, it hurt me and broke my heart but I had to. A song fell in my spirit and I just begin to sing: