I Won't Let Go [ BWWM ]

Chapter 41

No Good in Good-bye

** Ethan**
I left my parents house heartbroken yet my heart was full. I called Curtis to see if he was home. I really needed to talk to him about everything that is going on. I called Curtis and after the third ring he picked up.

-         Hey Curtis, you busy
-         No why whats up?
-         I need to talk to you. You’re the only one I can turn to right now.
-         Come on over
-         Be there in a few. 
After hanging up withCurtis I drove to his house. On the way, I could do anything but pray and after I finished praying I talked to God. I pulled up and prayed again. I anted to move I just couldn’t find a way to move. I took some deep breathes and saw Curtis standing in his doorway looking at me and I finally moved.
“what took you so long getting out the car.” Curtis asked. “Dealing with a lot.” “Come in let’s talk.” After walking in and taking a seat I looked at Curis and told him everything.
“I cut my parents off completely. After what they did to Journee I couldn’t especially since Journee is it for me.” “Wait what. You are not about to just fly by this. Did you just say Journee?” “Yes, God told me Journee was the one for me.” “Journee who?”
“How many Journee’s do we know Curtis.” “Ethan. Are you sure it was God and not your hormones? I mean come on Ethan. She is a out their person and you are secluded. Yall are like night and day. And then there is the obvouse Ethan.”
“God makes no mistakes.” “I know he doesn’t Ethan but look at the situation.” “God brought us together for a reason. I know God has plans for her and for us. When we loss Tristn it broke something inside both of us while mending it.”
“Does she know?” “No. I am going to ask her when the time is right.” “Ethan have yall had a real date yet? I mean not in hiding from the world.” “No, but I want that to change soon.” “Is she coming to church more? Ethan, you really need to talk to her.” “I know and I plan to.”
Right then I got a text from Journee asking what time I was coming over. “Is that her?” “Yes, it is. She wanted to know what time I was coming over.” “Go and talk with her. We can finish ours another time.” “Alright man I’ll see you later.” After saying our good-byes, I got in my car text Journee and told her I was on the way.
After arriving at Journees house a small smile came upon my face. I went knocked on the door waiting for her to answer.
I waited for her to open the door and she finally did. I leaned in and kissed her softly on her lips and pulled away quick. “You look beautiful. Why are you so dressed up?” “I just have on a shirt and jeans.” “A dressy type shirt, jeans and heels.” “It doesn’t matter I made us dinner.”
I walked into the kitchen and armoa made me ready to eat. “What did you make? It smells amazing.” “I made rib eye steaks with buffalo chicken potato skins and green beans and for dessert banana pudding cake.” “You cooked or is this take out?” “I cooked the hell you mean take out.” “You could have just warmed food up to get smell in here.” “That’s dumb as hell. Who has that kind of time?”
“I don’t know but you could have. And language Journee language.” “Yeah it is getting, better isn’t it?” “No. Lets just eat.”
While eating I noticed a change in Journee like something on her mind. “Whats wrong?” “Ethan this is the last time you are going to see me.” I can’t explain the feeling that came over me. It was like I was on life support and the blink of and eye the cord got pulled. I dropped me fork lookinn Journee dead in her eyes.
“Care to explain.” I spoke in a tone that was sharp yet full of pain. “I’m going to Flordia then I’m leaving here.” “There is no reason for you to go to Flordia is it.” “I want to see my mom and my son.” “I understand that and I’ll go with you but you don’t need to leave here.” “No don’t need to. I aske Curtis and he said he would.”

Everything in me fell apart. Curtis. Why didn’t he tell me? “You asked Curtis?” “Yes, he and I are friends and you have done more than enough for me. It will be easier this way.” “There is nothing easy abou any of his Journee. Where do you plan to go live at?” “I haven’t figured it out yet” “But your ready to move.” “I don’t have a reason to stay here.” “You don’t.” “No.” “What about Tristan. What about me.” 
“You have Chloe and blondie.” “They are not you.” “Stop. Lets just finish dinner and part ways.” “When are you going to Flordia?” “I’m leaving next Sunday. I’m going to work Friday and Saturday then that’s it for me here. I’m going to put flowers on Tristans grave and visit him before I go.” “Journee” I watched her finish eating as she quickly wiped away tears spilling from her eyes.

After we finished eating I told her I would wash dishes for her since she cooked. She went and took a shower. While Journee was in the shower I called Curtis to see what is going on. He picked up on the second ring.

“She told you.”
“Curtis, why didn’t you?”
“Ethan I have never lied to you or kept anything from you until now. Se said she wanted to tell you. I agreed it was her place and right to tell you. What are you going to do now?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Do you love her?”
“I’m not going to lie. I don’t but I know in time I will.”
“She is leaving next week. Maybe God revealed to you that Journee is meant for you but in a few years from now.”
“I don’t want her to go.”
“Ethan, I understand how you are feeling but its her decision and then you haven’t told her or asked her out and look at what happen at your parent’s house. You really need to ask her why she is leaving.”
“Do you know something I don’t.”
“Ask her. By the way where are you?”
“Her place still. I’m washing dishes.”
“She cooked a good meal.”
“You have no idea.” “No idea about what?” I just and turned to see Journee standing behind me.
“I’m goning to call you back.” I quickly hung up the phone and shoved it in my pocket.

“How was your shower?” “No idea about what?” “Want to watch a movie when I finish.” “No idea about what Ethan.” “Fine. I was talking to Curtis and he asked how was your cooking and then you walked in before I could finish the statement I was making.” “How was it?” “It was amazing. I can’t wait for you to cook for us again.” “That’s not happening.” “Keep thinking that.” I said in a low whisper. Journee just gave me a questionable look. “For old time sake, how about we watch movies.” “I would like that. What do you have?” “I’ll get Logan on Directv and we can watch that.” “I heard it was good.” “It is.”

We go in the living room sitting on the couch and I watch Journee order the movie. “Shit I forgot the drinks.” I watched her hurry to the kitchen and said to God, “Shes a work in progress I know” The I let out a light laugh and smiled when she came back in the room. “Ready” “Yes ma’am.” She came and sat beside me and the movie started.

During the movie, I stopped it. “Why did you stop it.” “Whats the real reason your leaving Journee. Is it because of whtat happen at my parens home?” I watched her tense up. “That has some to do with it.” “I cut them off. I blocked them from talking to me for that.” “You shouldnt have. Those are your parents. I never had parents so I don’t know. My mom died a long time ago and I learn to live with it.” “Journee my parents pushed to hard this time and went over board and though it was funny. I hated seeing you in pain and hurting the way you was.” “My life is pain Ethan.” “That will change soon. I will be filled with love and more love amoung other things.” “Not me. Things like that don’t happen to whore whos heartless.”

“That’s not who or what I see in front of me. I see a strong, amazing woman who has a big heart that has been damaged but cans still smile. I see a woman who dances in her stroms of pain and sing out her brokenness to feel whole. I see a woman who eyes hold scars which only tell me one thing. She is a warrior”
I leaned in a kissed Journee. She pulled away. “Let’s watch Logan.” “Logan isn’t near as great as the woman before me.”  I watch a smile appear on her face as she kissed me. She pulled back with tears in her eyes and said.

“That was our final kiss.” 

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