L&O: SVU One Shots

In the Men's Room (Carisi)

Dedicated to @onelove_onelifetime

Request:

Warnings: Mentions of Depression and Self Harm and Cursing

Enjoy!

   I felt the tears that had gathered in my eyes start falling. I quickly wiped them away and sniffled softly. My hands gripped the edge of the bathroom sink a little tighter when I looked into the mirror.
God, what is wrong with me, I thought, I can't even keep it together at work anymore.
More tears spilled out of my red, puffy eyes as I felt last night's cut on my wrist flash with pain.
Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just be normal?
I took another look into the mirror and glared at what I saw. A weak, worthless girl who couldn't keep herself together.
I pushed back on my hands and walked backwards into the corner of the dark bathroom. I slowly slipped down the wall to the ground.
I'm so worthless. I can't even help solve an easy case because I'm so fucking dumb. Don't forget weak, too, I can barely catch a petty theif, much less a damn serial rapist.
At this point I was sobbing.
I dragged my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, putting my head against my knees.
Just look at me, I'm in a bathroom blubbering like some teenage girl that didn't get asked to the prom. I'm such a little bitch.
I managed to raise my head to roll up my sleeve to look at my collection of scars, both new and old.
Now I was crying even harder.
"God, I hate myself so much," I choked out.
Unfortunately, I was having too much fun in my pity party to notice that my partner, Sonny Carisi, walked into the bathroom as I had said my bit about my self-loathing.
"Oh my God," I heard him mutter under his breath.
My head snapped to the source of the sound to see him in the bathroom with me and my eyes widened.
Shit. No, no, no. He can't know I'm some unstable, depressed girl! He can't! Not my partner! Not the man I love!
"Carisi, I-I-" I managed, my voice sounding strange and foreign to my own ears.
"No. No! You cannot hate yourself! How could you hate yourself? You are so damn perfect! You are insanely beautiful and kind and smart and strong," he rushed out.
If my eyes weren't big before, they were definitely big now.
"Wow, sorry, I probably just made things weird with the compliments," the cute detective said, looking down at his shoes. "I just, I don't know how you could hate yourself when you are so amazing in every possible way."
I slowly stood and shakily walked over to the mirror, "It's fine, Carisi."
I put my hands back on the sides of the sink to steady myself as a wave of nausea crashed over me and heard a gasp.
I saw an angry Carisi walk over to me, his gaze set on my cutting arm. Crap, I forgot to pull my sleeve down.
He grabbed my arm and yanked it up to see how many cuts it held as I winced in pain and looked away.
"What the hell is this?" he asked, clearly pissed.
"Carisi, please-" I started.
"You did this to yourself? Why would you do this?!" he yelled.
"I suffer from depression, Carisi! Why do you think I self harm?" I cried and pried his hand off my arm.
"Shit, sorry, I just... Why?" he asked, looking like a kicked puppy.
"It's not easy to explain," I shook my head.
"You don't have to, just, please, don't do it again, for me?" he pleaded, pain in his eyes.
"Why do you care so much?" I asked, turning to look at him.
"Well, um, it's because I-I really like you, love you actually, and you don't really want to see the person you, um, love hurt in any way at all," he said, blushing.
"Y-you love me?" I stuttered.
"Ever since our first assignment together as partners," he nodded, giving me an adorable smile. "You don't have to say it back, I understand completely if you don't-"
I pulled him by his tie into a sweet kiss.
"I love you, too, Carisi," I cracked a small smile against his lips.
"Nope. You call me Sonny now," he said.
"Okay, Sonny, I have a question."
"Shoot."
"Why are you in the women's bathroom?" I asked, smiling.
"I'm not. Here's a question for you, why are you in the men's room?" he asked, giving me a crap-eating grin.
"What? Shit!"
He started laughing and took my hand in his and began leading me out into SVU. I pulled my sleeve down and smiled along with him because he looked so damn cute when he laughed.
"I love you," he said, kissing my hand.
"I love you, too," I replied, blushing.
Carisi looked up at me with his face still near my hand, "Can you promise me something? Can you promise that you will try to get better, for me?"
"Of course. I'll try for you...just for you..."

Damn, Bear_Blankets, back at it again with helping your wife! Aren't I a good husband? Anyway, hope you enjoyed this one shot, I hope I did the requester justice (probs not) and I'm sorry if I didn't. I'm really sorry if this sucked! I tried!
I know depression and self harm are real things and I'm sorry if I offended anyone that went through an experience like that.
That's it! Bye, buddies!