Dizzy ϟ 5sos [Cake]

three - crushing grief (no remedy)

"I've learned and loved and fell apart.

I came through unscathed,

Albeit betrayed."

-Crushing Grief (No Remedy) // Neck Deep

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"family movie night!" luke hears his mother's voice ringing through his house and at first he decides he's going to ignore it it and not move in the hopes that she would think he's dead. he doesn't have to participate in family movie night if he's dead, right? he lies there on his bed for a little longer in the fetal position. he was tired from a long day and just wanted a break, but then jack barged in his bedroom door and jumped on his brother.

"you have to come to watch the movie." he mumbles while luke is groaning under him. "mali and ben are coming over and i think mali may have invited her family, too."

"then i really don't want to participate." luke says harshly. he loves mali and even her parents, but he would do a lot to avoid being around calum. maybe he loved calum at one point, maybe he was in love with him at one point, but not anymore. now he tries to avoid the guy as much as he can because looking at him just makes luke sad.

jack sighs and looks at luke to show that he's unimpressed and then he hits him on the arms to really emphasize the point.

"luke, you can't give him the cold shoulder forever. if you're over it, you should be able to go back to being friends just like you were before you dated!" what he says makes a lot of sense, but luke doesn't want to listen to reason.

"how can i do that? i can't even look him in the eye without remembering that he cheated on me after over three years." luke sounds hurt and like he might cry if he thinks about it more, but that might not be a bad thing. to get all his feelings out instead of repressing them.

jack moves beside luke and holds onto his arm. "you have to try, man. if you let this bother you forever, you'll just be hurt more in the long run."

the younger brother doesn't know what to say. deep down he knows jack is right, but he doesn't want to think about it. he doesn't want to think about calum.

"just come watch the damn movie, it's not like you need to sit next to him or anything."

well that jinxed it.

an hour later, luke finds himself sitting as close as possible to the end of the couch because calum is sitting there, right next to him. he sits cross legged and his knee is touching luke's leg. the blond is not happy about it.

luke was already in the seat when the hoods arrived, but mali sat on the other end and asked calum to sit next to her. something about missing him even though they see each other every single day. it's not like calum could say no just because of luke, so he sits there and throughout the whole movie, which is some sort of action-thriller kind of thing, the tall boy is tense because he can't relax with his ex boyfriend sitting so close to him.

luke is bored throughout the movie, he's never been one for the heavy action type of film, but it was what mali and ben chose, since it was their idea to get together tonight. luke is hardly paying attention to the movie because he rather be scrolling through tumblr on his phone. he does it discreetly just in case any porn blogs show up on his dash. that would be hard to explain to liz.

speaking of liz, she decides to speak up after a while of noticing her son on his phone. "lucas." her whisper causes luke to look over. she looks between the phone in his hand and his face being illuminated by the screen. so luke sighs and puts away. calum notices the way luke lets out a loud breath and looks over at him. the blonde looks bored out of his mind.

he looks down at luke's hand that's resting on top of his own leg. if they were still dating, this is where calum would grab his boyfriend's hand and intertwine his fingers with luke's longer ones. he would squeeze his hand for warmth. for whatever reason, luke's hands are always warm and sometimes that means they're clammy or sweaty when he's nervous, but it was always a comforting feeling for calum.

the sweaty handed boy feels calum's eyes on him, but he doesn't care to look over because that would make it awkward. it's nerve-wracking as it is just sitting next to his ex-boyfriend. a boy who he loved dearly and then betrayed.

luke feels stupid for caring so much. how long has it been since they actually broke up? long enough that luke shouldn't be nervous from the brown eyed boy merely glancing at him and luke only hopes he doesn't notice his change in demeanor. he doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he has an effect on luke, especially after he completely betrayed him. when the two of them first broke up, there was no bad blood between them. a few days later, luke figured out that calum had been dating someone else for the last couple of months that they were a couple. it hurt him more than anything - even more than the time he broke his leg in year four after falling off the monkey bars - to find out that, not only his boyfriend and the man he loves, but also his best friend would break his trust so easily. after almost four years together, you'd think luke would mean more than that to calum.

luke became bitter, he wants to hate calum. to scream at him and say he deserves better than someone who hurt him this bad, but he can't because he was in love with calum. he is in love with calum and probably will always be in love with him.

how pathetic is that.

so luke just sits uncomfortably and tries his best to pay attention to the cheesy movie insted of focusing on calum, who is still looking his way.

meanwhile, calum watches luke intently from where he is. he knows it might be creepy, but he can't look away. he doesn't care about the movie, luke's face being illuminated by only the tv screen is absolutely beautiful. calum could stare all day. he wants to cuddle up to the blonde boy, kiss his his cheek and feel the light stumble on his face that wasn't there when they were together. he wants to hold luke and tell him how much he has always meant to him. he's his whole world.

but calum isn't his anymore.

he sighs sadly at the realization and slouches in his seat. his eyes close after a few seconds and moments later, he's asleep.

luke is bored, anxious, and now he's kind of angry thinking about calum. he hopes they don't have another family movie night any time soon because he's pretty frustrated. maybe he would care more if they were to watch star wars or spiderman, or maybe if he didn't have to sit next to calum.

he thinks he's upset, but when calum falls asleep and his head falls onto luke's shoulder, he doesn't do anything to move him. instead, calum unconsciously cuddles into luke's side and luke's heart rate speeds up. he tries to ignore it and actually pay attention to the man on tv fighting the anagonist. eventually, luke falls asleep too.

and maybe he leans onto calum too, but he would never admit that he's happy about it.

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1.3k words bc im lazy and had no more to say

i tried to type "puts away his phone" but instead i typed "fades away" so thats where my brain is at wbu

-abby