an eternity with wings

Roof Sitting

Hello. Sooo this part is going to be a wee bit short, (well its short in my view) but I hope its enjoyable. Thank you all for the small amount of reads I get as of now, it has prompted me to keep writing. Also there may or may not be another book idea stirring in my head right now. No promises. You really all are lovely.

Selene:

I don't know what had come over me. It's occurred before. I should have known better. When Reese walked out to get me some clothes, it happened. Every single time I drink it does. I started looking at my surroundings. Everything seemed to appear far off. I felt distant, like I wasn't in control over myself. I felt like I might fall. I was sitting on the couch but my skin was tingly and numb. It felt like I was floating. Why did I do this to myself? I knew it would probably happen, I just hoped that maybe it would be different this time. My heart would usually beat nearly out of control and my breaths would be rugged, but now, nothing. Absolutely nothing because I was a lifeless being with wings and a craving for blood. 

The sensation was still there though. Heat stung my cheeks and forehead, the familiar lack of control like a shadow stalking me. In the past, I'd tried nearly everything to cease it, but nothing had worked. I had once attempted to jump from my friends bunk bed to the floor, and I nearly broke my neck. It felt awful because I had wanted it gone so bad, I was desperate to try anything. In the past few times, I had learned to accept it, but the same panic still filled me with anxiety and jitteriness. Usually, I'd excuse myself from whatever I was doing and sleep. Sleep was the only cure to the attacks. Long, hard, stress-free sleep. 

I slipped back into what I could do to make myself gain back control over my body. I turned my head to the door. My movements were sluggish and faraway. Panic tightened on my insides. I tried waving a hand in front of my face. There were traces that followed the motion. Shit. This episode was worse than others I'd had. I tightly shut my eyes and thought of possibilities that may help my situation. I couldn't sleep, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep without being tired, obviously. I desperately wished I was. I hated this feeling. It's so difficult to explain, and people just say 'you're just drunk, get used to it.' But then I panic even more. 

If this was normal, then how could other people just slip into acceptance that easily? How could you just exit your life and have no control? Succumbing to this was like falling infinitely. At least now I have wings. 

It got worse.

 Maybe flying might help. I sat up from the couch. The world swayed beneath my numb feet. I was walking without even telling my body to do so. I felt like I was trying to control an enormous robot. Clumsily. 

I managed to get through the back door. I grabbed my left wrist. Pain never helped, but I might as well. I pushed my thumb nail into the tender spot where I once burned my skin... 

Nothing. I was comfortably numb and had no command. I pushed farther, squinting my eyes shut. I wanted to distract my brain from whatever you'd call this... dilemma. I stopped only when I felt the wetness flowing down my arm. I rubbed it, attempting to stop the bleeding but it just made the puncture look even worse. A sob came out.

 Why did this happen to me? I had forgotten that I was in my bra and panties. My bottom lip trembled as I snapped out my wings and started ungracefully flapping to the roof. My hands shook as I grabbed the top and dragged my body upwards. Teeth clattering, I curled into a ball and cried onto my knees. I bit my cheeks, trying to get myself to stop. No avail. 

My sobs quickened and soon I felt vomit rising. I scrambled to the side and eventually heaved up all that was in my stomach. I had puked again and it was just short of torture. I wiped my palm across my lips which were still trembling. With my other hand I held back my hair, waiting for more. I heaved again, but nothing came out. 

Oh just kill me already. Since it seemed that the worst of the vomiting had dissipated, I crawled slowly back to he middle of the roof and resumed my curled position. I must have looked awful. At least it was dark. If anyone came up here, not even a vampire could see through this blackness. I tilted my head to the dim moon and let everything loose. My shoulders dropped, my wings untucked a little and I relaxed my body. The familiar lack of control slowly left my head until I could see normally again. I mouthed to the sky, thank you. I sat still for a few minutes in the silence with my head on my knees. 

That is, until I heard my name being yelled frantically. I hadn't told Reese where I was. 

Shit.

I felt terrible but I couldn't bring myself to even move. There was a flapping sound and then a loud thud  as Reese landed. I felt him wrap his arms around me and hug me closely to his chest. I barely raised my head to speak, 

"I'm sorry I didn't- that I didn't let you know before I-"

 he cut me off before I could apologize any more. His lips found their way to my neck and rested there while he spoke, 

"It's okay. I just panicked a little. You just scared me."

 he whispered softly. His head rested on my inner shoulder. I positioned mine slowly on top of his. I knew my voice wold be hoarse but I managed to whimper out, 

"I feel so bad, I didn't mean to do that to you. I just needed some time to think." 

I could tell he knew I was lying. I curled up smaller, not wanting him to see me as weak as I let on. I detected movement on his back as his wings spread out slowly and wrapped around our chilled bodies. Not that either of us could feel the cold, but the embrace felt comforting. 

"Thank you, Reese. For everything."

 I mumbled softly. I lifted a tired arm and began clenching and unclenching  a fistful his soft, dark hair. In return, he gently kissed my neck for just a few seconds until I changed my position. I tucked my wings in tightly and curled up into Reese's lap while resting my head on his chest. My fingertips rested against my collarbone and my arms pressing to my stomach. Praying that I wouldn't throw up again, I decided that it was secure enough to attempt to sleep. With my head spinning, I tried to guess what Reese was thinking about.

 I couldn't. 

Soon, sleep dragged me down and claimed me.