an eternity with wings

Questions and Answers

I woke up in my house.
Well- jolted up I should say. And screamed. My heart should be racing, I should be breathing hard. But I wasn't.
I couldn't feel a pulse.
I glanced around to find my door locked and shut, and Jenna sitting on a chair in the dark.
It was night, then.
"I thought you'd be out longer. It's only been about three hours since..."
She trailed off. Then everything that had happened flashed in my mind. My fingers fumbled around my neck and I cringed a little when they found the still-healing bite.
No pulse. Right.
Barry had- had turned me.
Shit. Jenna got up and sat on the end of the bed across from me.
"I took care of your family by the way. Your dad will be out of state for another week, and same goes for your brothers and sisters. I need time to help you adjust to... this."
My eyes widened a little. How could she have gotten the rest of my family away for that long?
"How did-?"
She cut me off and waved her hand,
"Just a few phone calls."
She moved closer.
"Are you ok? Do you need anything before I uh, explain all this?"
I glanced up,
"Some tea would be nice."
"Ok,"
She got up.
"Which kind?"
"Um, peppermint is fine."
She unlocked the door, went out, and shut it.
I waited a few seconds before I jumped out of bed and walked towards my full length mirror, and gaped. My eyes widened so much I thought they would burst as I looked at my body. Jenna had thankfully changed me into an oversized t-shirt, probably because my other clothes were blood-soaked, but the shirt did nothing to hide my boobs that had increased to about a c-cup. I took a step back and noticed I was taller by about two inches, my dirty blonde hair was down to my butt- which was also bigger, and I looked closer at my face- thicker darker lashes, a smaller nose, fuller lips, no acne, and my eyes- my eyes were gorgeous.
They were a lighter green than usual, with a gold rim around the iris.
Like Barry's.
My skin was a lot paler than usual. I reluctantly opened my mouth.
There they were.
Gleaming white fangs. I snapped my mouth shut. They shouldn't be there. I should be normal. I didn't want any of this to happen.
It was then that I felt something hanging from my back. So I ripped off the shirt and turned around to look at... wings. Massive, grey, gorgeous bat-like wings.
I ran my fingers down the silky inside of one, and I opened them up a little more. It felt awkward and different to have something new on my body, but these felt natural at the same time.
They hung so heavily that I thought I may fall backwards, but at the then again, I felt complete. They were too big to open in front of the mirror, so I went to the middle of the room and spread them out.
It took some effort to achieve. They were enormous. They had to be about 14-15 feet long. I wanted to try them out. But for now- I needed rest. And something to eat.
I folded the wings close to my back, they tucked in surprisingly well. I went back in front of the mirror and looked at the bite marks on my lower neck. Then at the rest of myself again. I put the shirt back on.
I was still marveling at my new body when Jenna walked in with my tea, and some for her as well. She looked over at me and said,
"When you turn, you mature to your eighteen year old self. I'll say that you've changed a shit ton dude. You look good, though. Anyway here,"
she handed me the tea, I glanced down and saw it was tinted with red. Before I could retort, she looked at me and said,
"I'm sorry, but you've gotta drink something. I stole it from the hospital. It's healthy, don't worry. I looked at it again then drank. It wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was really good with the peppermint tea.
I drank some more.
She sat on the end of the bed again, and I sat on the other end. I looked at her, and as if she knew what I would say, she said
"It was about 60 years ago. I was involved with a murder. I was innocent but no one believed me, except for one person. Right before I was to be put to death, he came into my cell and turned me. He let me escape, but only if I did him a favor later. He still hasn't asked me that favor. I still don't even know his name."
I looked at her and grabbed her hands. I had no idea what she'd gone through. But... how could I?
She never would've told me unless I had turned...
"Where'd everyone go after I... you know."
"They all went home, for once. I yelled at them enough for them to finally realize how much they suck, and how nosy they are, and they walked away with Barry. Also I sorta beat his ass. But he told me to tell you he was sorry."
I cringed at the mention of him. She looked away.
"I know it's weird at first, but it becomes normal. And I'm sorry he didn't explain much, or tell me first, he can be a dick. I was so, so pissed though. I could've done it instead, but he was just nervous, and didn't wanna tell me in front of everyone, I guess."
I glanced up at her. I understood why she was mad at Barry, but I also understood why Barry had turned me, too. I wish he could've told Jenna, though.
"And I'm sorry-for not telling you sooner. Barry figured you knew, and you were just cool with us, but- I'm still sorry."
She looked at me.
Red tears started streaming from her eyes. She came towards me in one smooth motion, and hugged me for a solid minute.
I hugged her back.
"It's really not fair, Selene."
She sobbed
"He shouldn't have even thought about turning you. I can't even explain how mad I am."
I pulled away for a minute and looked at her, then at my shirt, which now had bloodstains on the shoulder.
"Jenna, you know I don't really like to reflect on the past, and what's done is done. There isn't anything we can do about it, so I'm going to let it go. I'm still mad at Barry, but that doesn't mean I'm going to whine about what he did. It can't be undone."
She blinked a few times and sniffed.
"Ok. If you're willing to move on... I will too. Can you promise me one thing, though?" She asked
"What is it?"
She gripped my shoulders, and said,
"Look, I know life as a human was bad for you. I know how depressed you were. I hated the way you would watch the cars passing by whenever we walked to school. I think one of my worst fears was you running out in front of one. It still is. When it got bad, I prayed that you wouldn't leave me. I wanted to help but I didn't have a clue what to tell you. You never seemed depressed, but I knew. I still fucking hate your dad. He's not even your real father. I know what he did though and I will never forgive him for as long as I walk this earth. He belongs in hell. All I can hope for is that you won't do it now, though. Because, I'll let you know, that being like this can get so difficult at times, but you can't give up. I wanted to tell you for so long, Selene. There were times when I wanted to turn you just so I could have someone like you in my long, shitty life. You help my life be less shitty. In fact you make it wonderful. So please, please, do not leave. Even if things get rough."
It was my turn to cry now.
How could she have known about my depression? No one else had ever noticed. Whenever I told my dad I was sad, all he told me was,
'You're just trying to get attention'
and I hated it because he didn't know what I was feeling. I think about death more than a lot of important things. Whenever I can't focus, my mind taken over. I can't be alone with my thoughts. If I am, the darker ones can dominate, and that's when I get bad.
One time, I was longboarding down a hill, the one the old barn is on, and I had an urge to do something- anything to release the pain. Even if there was just a little relief. I started to roll down the hill, and as I rolled, I let my knuckles drag down the rough road.
I dragged both of my hands down until blood trickled down the backs of them.
I forced myself not to feel the stinging pain on my fingers, and eventually, I couldn't. It was nothing compared to the immense violence hidden in the back of my head.
I boarded home and rinsed them, again- no pain. I kept them hidden from my family, but after a day, one of the girls noticed.
She freaked out because she didn't understand why I did it, honestly, I didn't either.
My dad found out via my sister, and all he did was get mad at me.
'If you're trying to get attention, this is dumb, what if people notice? Why would you even do something like that?'
He always turned stuff into his problem. He didn't understand that it was I who actually had the problems. Soon his annoyance turned into cold rage.
After that, he slapped me. Slapping always leads to things I don't care to mention.
Later, bruises decorated my entire body. After that, he hid all of the bandaids and ointments. My knuckles ended up becoming infected. Eventually they healed up. Now I have hideous scars that will stick with me for the rest of my life. If I saw a therapist and told them everything, I would probably be on about 50 different medications by now, and I would be ok. Numb.
I would be living at a different house and it would be better. Medicine could probably help me, but I don't have a prescription. I've told my dad that before. Well, I asked him if I could see a therapist. His reply was,
'Why? You're perfectly fine. You probably just want to be told you're batshit crazy or something. I'm not about to throw away money just to have your sorry ass relocated.'
In front of him, I seemed fine. I functioned like a normal person, but after he said that, I just said
'Oh, ok'
and went to my room, locked it, and cried. Thank god no kids were in there to see me. My dad had no idea how hard my life was. He was the one who made it hard. He doesn't have a closet full of masks to wear. He doesn't have to slip into an entirely different personality for every one of the people around him. I do, though. With my dad, I can slip up every once in a while and be me, but not the actual me. Around him I have to be the happy Selene who occasionally makes mistakes. With others like uncles and aunts, I have to be the good girl.
The one who would never get sad, or mad, and do everything to please them. Then you have to count my friends, and everyone else, too.
Each mask is so immensely different. It wears me down to the marrow of my bones to try and juggle all of these personalities, and not slip up once. One mistake can be the downfall of my image, and the sad part is that I'll get punished for it. Just a month ago, a teacher called my dads father, and told him that they were worried about me because I was hanging out with Jenna.
They said that she had been caught doing some stuff, and they didn't want me to get in the middle of everything. I'm very meticulous when it comes to not getting caught. I know my boundaries, but apparently my teacher does not. I hadn't gotten caught doing anything, but apparently, being around Jenna was enough, and I was punished by dad severely.
I wasn't allowed to talk, hang out with, be seen in public, or go over to Jenna's house ever again.
I have a few scars from that day, too. And they didn't get there from me. I was crushed. And not like, 'Oh no, I can't be friends with her wahhh.' No, I was on the verge of a lot of bad things that day. If you saw my search history, you would be mortified. How much ibuprofen does it take to kill yourself? or, How much bleach do you have to drink until you die? was what I mainly looked up. I was very close to meeting my death. The worst part was the lack of sympathy from my family.
No one had understood how close Jenna and I were. Most of my siblings just pretended that nothing happened. And deep down, I knew no one cared.
They hadn't known how close Jenna and I were at all. We were on a higher level of thinking than most people, we had a deep connection that only she and I understood. But all I got from my family was 'It's better this way.' Or 'Just forget about it.' I didn't want to forget, though.
So I didn't.
I still remained friends with her. It was hard because she hated me for a while. Finally I wrote her a note and she forgave me.
She was only mad because I didn't defend her or something. But it was ok now.
After I had fathomed what Jenna said, I closed my eyes and whispered
"I promise, Jenna, I promise that I won't leave you again."
I knew she understood what I meant.
"Good."
She said
"Then lets get started."