there are no words for this

Nightmare

Josh takes a deep breath, staring down at his daughter who's looking up at him with dark, wide eyes.

"Tell me another story about Daddy," she requests, climbing onto Josh's lap.

"Which story?" Josh asks.

"A new one," AJ says, settling herself on her papa's lap. "One that I've never ever heard before."

Josh chuckles a little. "I think you've heard all of them, sunshine," he tells her.

"Nuh uh!" AJ insists. "Uncle Jordan told me one the other day and you never told me it."

"What did Uncle Jordan tell you?" Josh asks a little warily.

"He told me all about how Daddy would sing to you when you were on the bus to wake you up," she says. "And how he'd end up waking everyone else up but you."

Josh grins briefly, remembering waking up to a room full of techs pissed off at his boyfriend and wondering why.

"Well, I couldn't have told you much about that one," Josh says, poking her belly playfully. She giggles. "I was asleep, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," AJ says, nodding. "I forgot." She shakes her head then, as though to clear it, before asking, "But a story, Papa. About Daddy."

"Well, let's see," Josh says, tapping his chin while he tries to think of one that's appropriate. "Have I told you about the time your daddy tried to make us dinner?"

"Yes, Papa," AJ says, sounding a little exasperated. "Lots. And how the firemen people had to come."

"Right, right," Josh says. "Hmm. Have I told you about your first Halloween?"

"He dressed me up as a puppy just to see what you would do," AJ says. "And you went out and bought three kitty costumes."

Josh smiles briefly, remembering Tyler's shit-eating grin when he carried AJ down wearing floppy dog ears and a tail, and his laugh when Josh immediately grabbed the car keys and drove to buy their daughter a cat costume.

"Have I told you about the time Daddy tried to fix the gutter?" Josh asks, and she nods.

"You had to call the fire department to get him down," AJ says, and Josh chuckles a little at the memory. Tyler had sulked for a week until Josh finally stopped laughing at him long enough to give him a blowjob.

Tyler stopped sulking after that.

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, AJ," he says. "I think you've heard all the stories."

AJ frowns. "But you couldn't have told me everything," she says. "Nana says that you and Daddy knew each other for almost ten whole years. That's more than I've lived, Papa. I'm sure you have more stories."

"I have an idea," Josh says. "How about you ask me about what you want to know, and I'll tell you?"

"Okay," AJ says, nodding.

"That sound like a good plan, Princess?" Josh asks, ruffling her hair. She nods, smoothing her hair down.

"When did you and Daddy fall in love?" AJ asks.

Josh raises his eyebrows. "That's a difficult question, AJ," he says. "There really wasn't a certain moment. We just grew more and more in love over time."

AJ makes a frustrated noise. "But when did you realize that you loved him?"

"Well..." Josh thinks about that for a moment. "I think it was the moment I watched him sing."

"And when did Daddy realize he loved you?" AJ presses.

Josh just smiles sadly at her. "I don't know, baby. He never told me," he says.