there are no words for this

Teleporting Baby

January 7th, 2020

Tyler is sitting on the ground with AJ as she watches him with wide eyes as he checks his phone. His phone starts buzzing, Josh's face appearing on the screen.

"Fah," AJ says, holding out her hand. For some reason, Tyler's phone has become a Highly Desired Chew Toy, and he has to keep it in sight at all times to make sure it doesn't fall into her hands.

"No, AJ," Tyler tells her gently. "Papa has to talk to me."

"Fah," AJ repeats insistently. Tyler shakes his head as he accepts the call, and she pouts.

"Hello?" Tyler asks, switching his attention to his boyfriend's voice on the other end of the call.

"Hey, did you get my text about coffee?" Josh asks.

"Yeah, I put it on the list," Tyler says as he casts a quick glance at AJ. She's currently occupied with her feet.

"Okay, thank you," Josh says.

"What's the weather like there?" Tyler asks, relaxing into conversation.

"Freezing," Josh says. "It's Maine, what did you expect?"

Tyler laughs. "I'm not jealous. I took AJ swimming yesterday, actually."

"Swimming? In January?"

"Not in our pool," Tyler explains. "The indoor one at the gym."

"That makes more sense," Josh says. "How did that go?"

"I leaned a little too close to her and she grabbed my hair and almost drowned me."

"That's my girl," Josh says, sounding satisfied.

"You're so- Shoot!" Tyler jumps when he feels something grab his arm.

"Tyler?"

"Da," AJ says, looking up at Tyler from where she's lying on the floor, definitely not where she was the last time he checked. Tyler stares at her.

Did she teleport?

"Tyler." Josh sounds worried now. "Tyler, are you okay?"

"...yeah," Tyler says slowly, still staring down at his daughter.

"What happened?" Josh asks. "Are you all right? Is AJ all right?"

"I think she can teleport, Josh," Tyler says. There's a pause.

"What?"

"Well, first she was there, and now she's here," Tyler explains.

"What?" Josh repeats.

"She can't walk yet, Josh," Tyler says. "How else did she move?"

"...did she crawl?" Josh asks.

"That makes more sense," Tyler says, staring at his possibly superpowered child.

"I missed her first time crawling?" Josh asks, sounding upset.

"Either that or her first time teleporting," Tyler says, not taking his eyes off his daughter.

"Fah, fah, fah, fah," AJ says, bouncing a little as she reaches for the phone.

"Do you want to talk to Papa?" Tyler asks, putting the phone on speakerphone.

"Ba, ba, ba," AJ says excitedly.

"How's my girl?" Josh asks. "Are you taking care of your daddy?"

"Na, na, na," AJ says, sounding very proud of herself. "Na, ba, paaaa ba ba."

"Is that so?" Josh says. Tyler can hear the smile in his voice.

"Nyah," AJ says firmly.

"Well, you have an exciting future ahead of you as a jazz singer," Josh tells her. "You've got scat down nicely."

Tyler chuckles, and at his laugh, AJ lets out an excited squeal.

"Fah na na," she says happily. "Laaa, kah sha na."

"Bop sha boo," Josh adds. "Boogity boo bop."

"Very nice, Joshua," Tyler says as he turns speaker phone off.

"Thank you," Josh says. Tyler suddenly wishes that there wasn't all that distance between them, because he's suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss him.

"I miss you," he says instead.

"I've been gone for two days, Tyler."

"What, I can't miss you after two days?" Tyler asks, mock-hurt.

"Absolutely not," Josh says, faking sternness. "You oughta go punish yourself right now, young man."

Tyler splutters a little. "AJ's right here, Joshua!"

"And I'm sure she's listening very intently," Josh says.

Tyler looks at his daughter, who's happily miming a story to herself. "Shut up," he says.

Josh laughs. "I'll see you Thursday, okay?"

"Okay," Tyler says. "Love you. Call me soon, all right?"

"Love you too. I'll call you tonight," Josh says, voice dropping a little lower suggestively.

"I'm hanging up now," Tyler tells him.

Josh laughs. "See you soon, Tyler," he says.