Meet Charlie

(6) The Guilt Trip

:)

***

Flora's POV

Geez, what was with that guy? I thought, as I walked back to the children's home. I spent the rest of the school day siting on a park bench. Honestly, I wasn't supposed to be there. I wasn't supposed to be anywhere if my plan just went the way I wanted it to. Alive anyway. No doubt I was going to get a guilt trip as soon as I stepped a foot into the children's home. Why did that stupid James Bond wannabe have to ruin everything? Everything I was hoping to get away from, I would have to suffer with for another day. Cruel teachers. Stuck up, unappreciative people. The thoughts of my selfish dad. Judgemental society looking down on me. Missing my mum.

"Heard you skipped school today".

Just as I thought. The judgmental comments have begun. Already annoyed, I looked in the direction of the smug voice. There I found a slim, tall girl with curly, blond hair. She was still in her school uniform, but her skirt was noticeably too short and tight. Not to mention how her high heels made me wonder how she was able to walk like a bitch all day without collapsing in pain. Boys worship her because of her looks, but I swear that 99.9% of it is makeup. Including the glossy, pink lipstick that covered her smirking lips, and the thick coat of mascara that travelled up and down ferociously whilst she was batting her eyelashes (mostly at love struck boys).

"Leave it Ashley," warned one of the support workers, Matt.

This is just my opinion, but I've always thought of Ashley as a name that suits people like the girl in front of me. Two faced. She's one of the people here who are wailing in despair one minute, and picking a fight with you the next. With me most of the time.

"But Matt, she's the one you should be giving a warning to, not me!" Ashley whined. Sometimes, I just wish people would give her what she wanted. As long as it stopped the constant, irritating noises that came out of her fake talking mouth then, I was fine with it.

"And I will Ashley; now why don't you get changed out of those clothes?"

I almost laughed out loud from the way that Matt said "those clothes" and not "school uniform". But all I did was grin in achievement as Ashley gave me a dirty look, before going upstairs. Hopefully going to change into something less showy (unlikely). Matt was my favourite worker here. Someone whom I felt I could talk to and who would actually listen. The only times that I didn't like him was when he was giving me a lecture like everyone else.

"Flora, wait in my office would you?" He said towards me whilst I was still grinning. Although, I wasn't so amused now that I know what I'm going to receive from going into his office. "The Guilt Trip" I liked to call it. I showed my annoyance by sighing and rolling my eyes, before slumping off towards his office.

***

I was fiddling with Matt's bobblehead of Homer Simpson when I heard two people muttering outside the door. One of them was male. Probably Matt. They muttered a few more sentences to eachother before the door opened, revealing Matt himself. He exhaled a long, heavy sigh and took a seat on his revolving, leather seat. I continued to flick the Homer Simpson bobble head and moved from left to right on her smaller, revolving seat.

"I'd appreciate," Matt started, plucking the bobble head away from my grip.

"If you didn't touch my things'. Matt then placed it on the other side of the desk, away from my reach.

I put up her hands, showing my palms as if I was surrendering. Obviously trying to show how over protective Matt was being of his beloved Homer Simpson.

"Sup Matt?" I greeted, hoping to ease the tension. I know what's about to be said and I don't want to face the dissapointment.

"Don't sup Matt? me Flora, you know why you're here."

"Uhh...no, I don't. Care to explain?"

Matt did nothing but stare at me with knowing eyes and risen eyebrows. The rising tension I was hoping not have was there and it made me instantly look somewhere else. My eyes found the bobble head and stayed there for safety. Away from another pair of orbs that were bound to fill me with guilt as soon as they met my own. This is what I call the first part of 'The Guilt Trip'. I refuse to let that happen though, so this meant staring at the bobblehead Homer Simpson was my only chance of avoiding the first part.

Matt sighed once again and stared down at his piles of paperwork. I felt sorry for those pieces of paper. They were probably suffering from the man's piercing, sorrowing eyes. Poor pieces of paper.

"I got a call from the school saying that you skipped 3 periods and didn't show up to isolation," he admitted.

I could do nothing, but stare longer at the cheerful Homer Simpson bobble head. This time, I was noticing immense amount of detail no normal human being would be able to find. Like the tiny creases in his shirt or the tiniest, colourful sprinkles on his half eaten doughnut.

"You're not going to say anything?" The worker questioned, tilting his head to try and meet my gaze.

"They obviously didn't see me, since I was at school so they must have made a mist-"

"I know that's not true Flora," he said, cutting me off from saying anymore. Damn.

This is the second part of the Guilt Trip. Pointing out lies. Why I even bothered, I did not know. As soon as I started making an excuse, it was like Matt was a human lie detector. That only made the tension worse as I now sat there with a man who knew I lied right to his face. Damn, damn, damn.

"Flora, we're trying to help you here. Especially me, but that's not gonna work at all when you skip classes and isolation like this. This is the 3rd time I've had this kind of call from the school this week. And when you try and lie to me? What are you hoping to achieve here?"

Truth is, the only thing I haven't told Matt is the fact that I was planning on killing myself one day. That day was going to be today, but you already know what caused that to end up not happening. Curse that James Bond wannabe. If he was never there, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. I wouldn't be anywhere right now, but with mum. Fudge him fudge him fudge him.

I forced myself to calm down and slowly look away from Homer and his jolly face to meet Matt's gaze. I immediately regretted it as I saw the disappointment I was hoping to avoid. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Calm down Flora. Calm down and act natural.

"I'm sorry," I said. My voice drenched with the guilt I didn't want in the first place.

This is the third and final part of the Guilt Trip. Giving in. Once you give in, the full on weight is put on you. It makes you realise how low you are. How you've affected the people around you. Not in a good way of course.

"Yeah well, you should be. If you want our help, you're gonna have to learn to stop...acting this way. Thinking that just because of what your past is like, that that controls what you achieve in the future."

Matt leaned his head forward and whispered to the me whilst I was pathetically looking down at the carpet floor.

"Because it doesn't," he whispered.

I then looked at him for a second before looking back down at the dark, navy carpet.

I wasn't going to live to have a future if that James Bond wannabe didn't interfere.