YOU | ANDY FOWLER

worry

'I worry about you, about your mental health'

-

"Jack will be okay, don't worry."

Ava remembers being told that exact sentence by everyone she knew. But she didn't believe them. She knew he had done it. She knew he has killed himself. He always talked about it.

Jack always talked about getting away from that retched place.

Ava wanted to cry, throw up, break things all at the same time. She couldn't take it. Her best friend was gone.

She remembers being seven years old and playing in the garden with her big brother.

*
"Jack" seven years old Ava giggled. He picked her up and swung her around. He set her down and knelt down in front of her. He ruffled her hair and ran off. She ran off after him, trying to catch him.

*

Ava smiled as the little memory played in her head. Her sister Chloe knocked on her bedroom door and walked in without getting an answer.

"Mum wants me to get your dirty shit so hand them over."

Ava rolled her eyes and handed her sister her wash basket. Chloe snatched it from her hands and walked out the room. Ava sat down on her bed and pulled out her memory box.

She pulled out some letters and photos from when she was a child. 

She picked up a letter a boy wrote her when she was in year 5.

Ava,

You're one of my best friends. I'm gonna miss you. I hope you make more friends. I'm gonna miss being with you in Manchester. So this is my goodbye.

- Andy

She smiled at the letter, a few tears fall onto the paper. Her old best friend.

Andy was a little ball of excitement. He was always there for Ava. He would always make her laugh and he always looked after her. But then he moved. He moved away and she had no one. Nobody liked her except him.

He always worried about her when he was away. He knew that he would never be able to go see her again. They had no way of contacting each other.

He never forgot her. He always wondered what she'd grow up to look like. He always wondered if she was living the dream she wanted.

-

Ava spent hours looking through the memories she had as a kid. Her parents were the normal average parents back then. They would take her to the park or to school. They would have fun together. But everything changed for the worst of it.

Chloe started to get into things more,  she started to do ballet and she got into acting. Her parents focused more on her and forgot about their youngest. Ava was treated badly and wasn't given enough attention that she needed.

Ava was always put in the shadows, she never knew who she truly was.

She would always worry, worry about not being good enough.