THE GIRL WITH A WISH

chapter 6

Later after that I started to focus on work more as my business was going on a great roll. My earnings increased too. Soon I owned my own apartment in Bombay.

This was time when I came across the few stages of life where I was able to understand the real understanding of self. I guess everyone whomsoever is reading this would have come across this at least once in your life or if you haven't yet then you might be come across this later. Every Sunday evening I would visit the beach of Bombay to relax and spend some time alone. At times I would think about my past life and think how worst it was and I thought to myself that everything happens for a reason and whatever happened to me happened for good and that is when the first stage starts denial... yes denial when Ajay or even Arjun left me all alone in my life I went into a denial mode. Denial mode is where you will sulk over your flaws and you might think that you are worst of all or at times you might give up of certain things and you find fault in you for no reason this stage will lead you directly to the anger stage thankfully I didn't have to go pass this stage because I thought I am a fragile person and getting angry on this would take me back to stage one that is the denial. 

 I was in a confused state battling it out all by myself I didn't know what to do and what can be done in my life that's when the third stage enters into your life argument with oneself in this you start to impose questions on yourself and you start you fight with yourself in my life I came to the point where I started arguing towards myself that My life wasn't miserable. I made it worst. I threw my heart out to two people who came across my life but both of them broke it hard as there was no chance for me to fix it back, I blamed myself that if I haven't done this I wouldn't have got into such a messy life .. 

This stage gets its roots from the fourth stage that is depression. when you start to argue with yourself , you start forcing your mind and heart into various things which will in deed take you into depression and you start pouring your heart out this was when the pain of broken heart took over me slowly even though I tried getting myself back on track failed but My thought went back to Ajay again and again I couldn't keep myself on control then when you lose control you come to the final stage acceptance, finally you start accepting whatever happened in your life and it all happened where you made it worst or better and you accept that it's your fault and you are gonna fix it and yes I was in the last and finally state acceptance and after all that happened to me I took all the blame on myself and I stated to lose my life 

But then I thought this would me immaterial on my side to take it all on myself and I stated wondering that all my life I lived for something which I knew would not happen and then I took a owe that I am not gonna spend any more time on these stuffs which caused me pain I am gonna covert all my acceptance into a greater space and start living for me and take my café ahead and work for my happiness

It is always said right that whenever you come to a conclusion that you should  start living for yourself you meet your end. 

That was indeed right I met with an accident rightly after I accepted myself and decided to live life for my own. I got hit by a fast moving car and on my way back to the café from home after lunch I lost my breathe and all which ran in my mind before I could say final goodbye to this world was the thoughts of Arjun and Ajay and the moments I shared with Ajay ran in my mind for the longest and there I said my final goodbye to the amazing world where I came across amazing people and without my wish been full filled. 

Yes I know I should have lived a litter longer for myself but everything happens for a reason and that's how you should take was the voice heard and maybe I didn't live for myself but to each and every one my only word is whatever happens in your life don't give up fight for yourself and and live for yourself because if you don't do it then nobody will do it its better and best for all of us out there to get the living soul out of you and get the life for yourself