"Come home to me please" I sobbed on the phone as I begged the girl of my dreams to come back to me. She has gone off to somewhere and only left a note saying "sorry". After about 20 voicemails, she finally picked up.
"No... You-you don't care about me as a girlfriend should. You're ashamed of me... You try to hide me. I'm sick of it! I'm... I'm so sick of it..." She said, I can hear the tiredness in her voice.
"You promised me you'd stay... You promised me forever... You promised me that you'd wait"
"I can't wait forever" she whispers
"Please... Just... A couple more months then I-" I hear her sigh at the word 'months'
"See? There you go again. I am so damn tired of waiting and waiting and waiting, all those 'few weeks more' 'just a little while longer' 'just a little more' I am not a child damnnit! I know where to draw the line!"
"I'm sorry... Please, come back and... I'll... I'll tell my mother about you. I'll tell my brother, I'll tell my whole family, just please" I hear a sarcastic laugh
"Family? Really?"
"Yes! Really!" I say desperately
"I...No"
"No? What do you mean no?" The slight panic was evident in my voice
"You are in show business. Do you think it's enough that your family knows about me? Doesn't the world deserve to know who I am? I see these pictures on the internet! People are pairing you up with others! I don't give a shit if they're with men, but damn! It's like they've figured everything out! There are a lot of women being paired up with you and I can't take it anymore! You're beautiful, great, of course you are! But where does these pairings leave me? Sitting by the sidelines? Watching others hit on you like you're available? Maybe to them you are..." She stops and takes a deep breath "you are...now, I guess... Goodbye El... I hope you find someone with more patience than I do"
"Cath... Plea-" my last plead was interrupted by the steady sound of the dial tone. I try to listen to it for as long as I can, I don't want this call to end. I listen to the steady sound of it, I hear it mocking me, telling me of my sins, telling me that I am never going to find another person to love me, telling me that I have failed. It mocks me as I hear it, it tells me that it is the indication that the woman I love has finally given up on me. I feel a tear fall as I let go of the phone. I can't stand to be near it...
Things aren't really the same... Life is funny when things like this happen. It goes back and hits you with a boxing glove to the face when, as you remember, you're playing basketball. It takes curve balls using bowling balls and then kicks you in the face.
I want to complain that it's not fair. That everything wasn't my fault. That the industry is the one that did this! Not me! But as much as I want to put the blame on someone, I can't. Cause there isn't really anyone else to blame but myself. I mean I love her! Of course I love her... But I love my career as well. I worked too damn hard to get where I am now. I can't just throw it all away. I refuse to let all my dreams go to waste just because of someone that promises me something. I love her... She's my dream girl... I am second guessing myself... If she really loved me as she said she did, why would she leave?
"There are a lot of women being paired up with you"
Jealousy is a cruel temptress. It takes all that you hold near and dear and tries to take away the very reason you stay, it takes away the trust.
I can just imagine what I could have done. I could have stopped everything, I could have went on and gave her my all, my life, my purpose. But I didn't... I look at myself in the mirror, my eyes were red, cheeks stained with tears, I look at a pathetic low life that is crying over someone that didn't care enough to stay and wipe away the tears.
-----
"Now introducing to the stage, give her a huge round of applause everybody! Ellen Degeneres!" I put on the smile I had rehearsed hours trying to perfect and walk to the stage.
"So, Ellen... There has been something a lot of us has noticed" The interviewer asked and my hands start to sweat and I didn't know what to anticipate. I laugh through my worry
"Yes?"
"You haven't been seen with anyone since you made your Hollywood debut... Is there a special person in your life that you're hiding from us?" I smile at him and the world seems to stop as I see Cath in the audience. I hadn't noticed her until now. I look to the interviewer and I can see that he's still waiting for my answer. My eyes snap back to the woman I love and I discreetly let out a breath. I bite my lip and look back to the interviewer.
"No... I don't" I look back up and I see the audience give their own reactions to my answer. The reaction that stood out was hers. She bit her lip and nodded. I see a tear fall and she sat lazily on her chair. I could feel my emotions build up again but I stop it and continue my answer
"I am focusing on my career at the moment... I mean, I just turned 30 for goodness sakes. I wanna go on and build something that would make my life as fulfilled as possible. I'm happy just as I am and, you know, I have my family, I have my friends... I have a job that I am in love with. What more could I want?" I finish. I looked up and she was still there. Her eyes could burn a hole through me but my answer stood.
