"How could you?" A voice booms through my house. My dog runs across the living room to the open door leading to the patio. I hear footsteps and I turn around. "How fucking could you?" She says, I expected her to scream like she did with the first one but no, her voice cracked, maybe mimicking what her heart is doing this very moment.
"I had to do it..." I say
"No. You didn't. You just- you..." I see her take a breath and shake her head "I never knew someone that I loved, someone that claimed to love me... Could be this heartless"
"I do love you" I tried to take a step forward. She flinches and steps away as though she's afraid of me
"No... Obviously not enough. Not enough cause you still have to hide me" My frustration comes back and I scratch my head in annoyance
"How can you not understand that I need my career to-" she does not let me finish
"You need it more than you need me" she lets out a sigh "fine. Enjoy your life" I lose my breath as I anticipate what she's going to do. "I came back because I wanted you to explain, give me some kind of... Thing. To at least hold on to. But I guess I didn't even slip by your thoughts. Fine. I know when I'm not wanted anymore. Goodbye ellen" she goes up the stairs to the room we once shared. I fall on a chair. My mind battling itself on which side I should take. I sit there for god knows how long until I see her holding her suitcase, She catches my eye one more time. She stares at me as if she's waiting for me to speak. When I don't move, she makes hers, walking out of the door I can feel my heart shatter as she slammed it shut.
"How can you not understand that I need my career to keep us together? How can you not understand that I'm striving for the top because I want you to be happy. I want you to be proud of me. I need my career because I need you"
My eyes and my heart seemed to have given up on me. I don't let out a sob or even a tear, I sit there staring into the abyss I call my life, I rethink everything, I think about how I just let her go. About how I sat there and stared at her as though she meant nothing to me-
My phone rings, snapping me off my thoughts and back to this horrible reality. I thought I wasn't crying... I was.
I try to keep what composure I had left and answered my phone...
"Hello?"
"Hey! Is this Ellen?" A man's voice speaks
"Yes, this is her. May I know who's calling?"
"It's John. I'm from NBC. We just wanted to ask if you would like to come for a meeting tomorrow" This is... Odd.
"A meeting about?"
"We would like to offer you a show, so are you up for it? Can we go at like... 5? Is 5 good for you?"
"5 is perfect actually, that's the best news I've heard all day thank you" we bid our goodbyes and I hang up first. I didn't notice that my tears have stopped falling.
-----
"Craig? I'm here, where are you?" I walk a little more and I spot a man with brown hair with glasses holding onto an armful of files and a phone to his left ear "Nevermind, I see you" I say and he turns, searching for me around the parking lot. He hangs up his phone as soon as he spots me. He comes over, we hug, and I smile at him
"Hmm" he whispers, eyeing my face as we stand there for a moment
"What?"
"You've been crying" he says, I let out a simple sigh, I thought he wouldn't notice.
"I don't want to talk about it"
-----
"So it's settled! You're going to get a talkshow!" The producer says, handing me a piece of paper of which I have to sign, I hand it over to Craig for a quick proofread and I look at all the people around me. I smirk and finally got the courage to ask what I have been meaning to ask them the moment we entered this room
"May I ask though, just out of curiosity... Why me?"
"Well, you're a comedienne. You're good with crowds, so you're probably good with people, yes?" I nod "And we also thought that after that little win of yours as the 'funniest person in America' I think it's best to give the people what they want"
Give the people what they want
The people don't want me. I mean look at me. That contest wasn't easy but really? People want me? I don't think so.
And besides, that wasn't an audience vote thing, it was a judges based win. So technically-
And what would Cath say when she sees me with my own show? What would she do? Would she hate me forever? Letting her leave then accepting a job that would seem as though I'm rubbing it in her face that my career is more important than her? It's not. It never will be. I am working to be someone. I am working to be someone for her, for her to take me to her family, and tell them to their faces that she made the right decision in choosing me, I am working to make her proud. But as I sit here, watching these people discuss my assets I can't help but think of her. I think of the reason I'm here. The reason took all her stuff that she owned that was inside my house and walked out the front door, leaving me in tears that would scar me for as long as it can. How can I even do this job when I don't even know why I'm doing it? I don't have a reason anymore. I was an asshole for letting her leave, but I can't do this without her. I can't do it. I'm not ready. I'm not ready...
"So, are you ready to take on this job?" I managed to put on my best rehearsed smile and say,
"Yes. Yes I am"
