A Condemned Lust [Lionel Messi]

Chapter twenty

My dear,
Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it's much better to be killed by a lover.
-Charles Bukowski
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She waited for what felt like hours, when in fact it was only ten minutes; the longest ten minutes of her life. She made up all sort of sentences, thinking about all the words that could possibly form the best apology, repeating them over and over again in her head to be ready for when he walks in.

But no matter how much she rehearsed for this moment, even if she had a lifetime to prepare it, nothing stopped her from freezing when she saw him entering. She lost all her means, with her words evaporating into thin air, leaving her with nothing but her heart on her sleeve.

"What are you doing here?" His cold tone struck her.

"I came to talk, to apologize, to explain.." she said, moving closer to him.

She couldn't believe her eyes, she couldn't believe he was really there, in front of her. She fought every urge in her body to run to his arms in the hope of forgetting the world. But it wasn't possible, this was her only shot.

"Why are you even in Paris? Where have you been all this time?" He asked, still surprised by her presence.

She took a long breath before replying, "here, with Marc."

"Marc?"

The moment of truth had come, she just needed to say it all in one breath, explaining to him how she survived the past three months.

And she did. Everything was finally out, right in front of him, thinking she passed the hardest part of this.

"You're done?" He replied, as if unaffected by her words.

She looked at him puzzled; out of all the reactions she had expected from him, this never made it to the list.

Seeing that she didn't reply, he resumed, "okay then, i'm out."

"No! No no!" she rushed to block the door. "Whyyyy? Why are you leaving?!"

"What did you expect? That i'll crawl back to you after hearing this?"

Yes, he was happy to see her, yes, he thought that she was finally back. But hearing what she had to say was worse than her still being gone. It proved to him that no matter how much they loved each other, it will never be enough.

"I'm, i'm sorry, please listen to me."

"You never heard me when i apologized, so why would i? You went to move on with someone else AGAIN, you believed him over me AGAIN, you gave up on us AGAIN, and you expect me to stay?"

"I beg you just hear me out. I wasn't myself, i was lost, i was scared. I was terrified," she confessed, searching his eyes for any glimpse of comfort.

"Terrified of what?"

"Of you, of us, of this love, of your power over me. It scared me. It scared me to think that maybe what everyone thought was right, that i was only a distraction."

"And i'm here after three months of hearing no response from you, and after knowing that you were with another guy, that's how much control YOU have over me! How could you possibly think that i'd hurt you like this? You have no clue how much i love you Laura, absolutely no clue." He let the words escape his lips, being ready to throw it all on a platter for the first time.