Two Pieces

"I Don't Want To Fix You"

Sofia was silent, staring out the window. She didn't want to show Harry that she was curious about where they were going, and she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of showing him that she was upset and annoyed that he had tricked her. Harry didn't try to get her to talk either; he drove silently, not even bothering to put on the radio. If she wanted to pout, she could pout, he wasn't going to stop her.

"I hate silence," Sofia finally said, surprising Harry, he didn't think she would be the first one to break.

"What?" he asked, looking over at her.

"I hate silence, it's why I always have head phones in, or why I like the club so much. I like noise, I like things to be loud," Sofia said, reaching for the radio, "You mind?"

"No, go ahead," Harry said, as Sofia flipped on the radio.

"Better," Sofia said as the music flowed through the background.

"I didn't know you hated silence, you seem like someone who would enjoy it, actually."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you don't exactly enjoy people, do you?" Harry asked, looking over at her, "So you strike me as someone who likes to be by herself, alone, in silence. You're independent, that comes with silence."

"I'm not a people person," Sofia agreed, "But they're a distraction. I don't have to take part in their conversations or their relationships in order to be distracted by them. I hate being alone, actually. I'd rather be around people."

"But you hate people," Harry argued.

"It's a lesser of two evils kind of thing," Sofia said, with a small smile, shrugging.

"People versus what?" Harry asked.

"Myself," Sofia said, "Silence just causes you to hear your own thoughts, I'd rather hear other peoples idiocy then my own."

"Well, at least you know you're an idiot," Harry said, joking, as Sofia threw him a dirty look. Her insight frightened him. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts; she didn't want to face her own thinking. Did that mean that Sofia knew how damaged she was? Was she scared of herself? And if she was scared, what could possibly be so bad in her head that she didn't want to face it?

"You're not going to ask where were going?" Harry asked her, looking over.

"You wouldn't tell me anyway," Sofia said.

"That's true," Harry said, "I'm going to stop soon though, I figured you could use some breakfast to get over that hangover."

"I'm not hung-over," Sofia argued, even though she knew that she was.

"You're pale, you're clutching your stomach, you look like you could sleep for about a hundred days, and you keep squeezing your eyes shut, like your heads in pain. Believe me, if I know one thing, it's hangovers and you have one."

"Oh yeah, you are a big drinker, aren't you?" Sofia asked

"Was," Harry corrected her, "I was a big drinker."

"You don't like to drink anymore?" Sofia scoffed.

"I like to drink, I also like to remember my nights now," Harry said, "Besides I like to drink to have fun now, when I used to drink it was mostly to forget."

"Forget what?" Sofia asked, before she could stop herself. Harry didn't answer.

"Did you have fun last night?" Harry asked, changing the subject.

"You tricked me into a car going God knows where and you want to talk about last night?" Sofia asked, surprised.

"When I first started hanging around the boys, they would ask me how my day was, or silly questions about my night or my day, and I didn't get it. I was pretty independent, wasn't used to people asking things. It made me uncomfortable, you know?"

"Yeah," Sofia hissed, "That I get."

"And I realized it made me uncomfortable because no one had ever asked," Harry said, raising his eyebrows as he looked over at her, "No one had ever been interested in my life, big or small. When I finally asked Louis about why he was so interested, he told me that he wanted to know about the big things, my history, my family, my personality but he realized if I couldn't talk about the small things, I'd never be able to talk about the big things. We keep trying to get you to talk, but the truth is, you don't know how to. No one has ever asked you how your day is going, or how you feel about the weather or what your English assignment is, have they?"

"No," Sofia answered, "No, I guess they haven't."

"So, how can I expect you to talk about yourself or your parents when you can't even talk about how your night went?"

"I guess you can't," Sofia replied, "But if this is all some master plan to fix..."

"Who says you need to be fixed?" Harry asked, interrupting her, "You're the one who keeps using the word fix, Sofia. Not me. No one is trying to fix you, Sofia. We're just trying to get to know you. At least I am."

"Why?" Sofia asked, "Why are you so interested in getting to know me?"

"I think we have more in common then you think we do," Harry said.

"You and me?" Sofia scoffed, "You think we have things in common?"

"Yeah, I do," Harry said, pulling into a parking lot for a local diner. As he parked the car, Sofia remained silent. She didn't say anything, as they both got out of the car, entering the restaurant.

"So last night?" Harry finally asked, as they were seated.

"I don't remember much," Sofia said, raising her eyebrows, "But you knew that already, didn't you?"

"I suspected," Harry said, "You looked pretty blacked out, had everyone worried."

"I don't want people to worry about me," Sofia growled, rolling her eyes.

"You know, if anything happened to you, Liam would be –"

"Fine," Sofia responded, interrupting Harry, "Liam would be fine. Maybe even relieved."

"Why do you say that?" Harry asked, his voice suddenly getting serious. Sofia looked down at her menu, before looking back up and sighing deeply.

"Should I get tea or coffee?" she asked, ignoring that Harry was staring at her with a serious look on his face.


***


With breakfast in front of them, Harry was determined to get her to talk about something. He wasn't going to be the only one sharing today; he had to get her to open up, even if it was about something small.

"Have you and Liam always been at each others throats?" Harry finally asked, raising his eyebrows at her as he bit into his toast. Sofia smirked, looking up.

"We've always been opposites, if that's what you're asking," Sofia said.

"It isn't," Harry said, refusing to look away.

"Liam's different," Sofia said, with a small smile, "Different then anyone I've ever seen raised in this life. He's warm. You know it, you see it."

"Yeah," Harry agreed, "He's been like that since I met him. Like he wants to be your friend. Like he genuinely cares about your well being."

"Yeah. And he probably does. He's always been like," Sofia said, "I think he's the reason Louis is as relaxed as he is, and why Zayn is bearable. They take their cues from Liam. So, does Niall. You've even calmed since you've known them."

"That's true," Harry said, "I guess I always thought Danielle softened him a bit. Because he's not like that when he's working."

"I think everyone thinks that, that is was Danielle. But Liam's always been like that," Sofia said, "He was always determined to be normal. To have friends, and to enjoy school, and to date. The relationship the 5 of you have, that's not normal for this life. You're friends first, brothers, and then gang members. What Dani and him have, it's like nothing I've ever seen in a gang relationship before. They're so in love, and he treats her like an equal in every aspect of their life except the gang. That's just Liam. Determined to be as normal as possible."

"You didn't answer my question, have you two always been at each others throats?"

"We're different, Liam was determined to be normal, and I always accepted that we aren't normal, we'll never be normal. No matter how much we pretend. But no, there was a time where our differences didn't matter. There was a time we got along despite how different we were. But it hasn't been that way for a long time."

"When did that change?" Harry asked

Sofia got quiet, as she took a sip of her tea. Her eyes hazed over a bit, as though she was remembering something. Her mind was no longer in the present, but somewhere else. Harry let her think, he didn't push her. He didn't want to push her, and have her spook. She had been open with him so far.

"When he moved out," Sofia finally answered, her voice quiet, she sounded young, "That's when it changed."

Harry looked up, and noticed the sadness and distance in her eyes.

"What changed?" Harry asked.

"Everything," Sofia said, looking up at him, "He left and never looked back. Only came home when he absolutely had to. He left me alone with dad. And that changed everything. "

Sofia didn't say anything else, but she didn't have to. Harry understood. He understood everything she wasn't saying. He understood the sadness in her eyes, and why she was suddenly avoiding eye contact.

Harry got quiet, and he realized that the rift between Liam and Sofia wasn't one that they created. It was one their father created. He saw differences, and he used it to his advantage. He already lost Liam; he wasn't going to lose Sofia too. Not to something as useless as a normal life or love. And without Liam to run interference, Sofia was a perfect target to mold in his way.

It's very rare that siblings come out exactly the same way. Usually they are very different. Liam and Sofia were no exception. Liam was friendly, and he enjoyed people. He went out of his way to connect to people, and to create relationships. He realized that he was never going to be what his father wanted to be, so he lived life his way, getting as far as way as he possibly could get and creating his own family.

Sofia, was the opposite. Maybe it was because she was the girl in a guys world, but she was defensive. She didn't know how to create relationships and she didn't enjoy people. She kept her distance. And like Liam, she was never good enough for her father, but instead of breaking off and trying to create something for herself, she pushed herself to make him proud. They took two different ways in trying to deal with the man that created them, and in the process they lost each other.

"What about you?" Harry asked, "What was your plan for adulthood? Getting out of the house like Liam?"

"Yeah," Sofia said, nodding her head, "But by myself, my own apartment. My own space, free to do whatever I want."

"You don't want a family? Kids?" Harry asked.

"Do I look like the mothering type of person to you?" Sofia asked, amused.

"No one looks like a parent type of person at sixteen," Harry quipped back.

"I'd be a pretty fucked up mother," Sofia said, "I don't want to be responsible for anyone else. Liam wanted the kids. That was never my journey. I wouldn't be good at it anyway."

"Why's that?" Harry asked

"What about you?" Sofia asked, ignoring his question, "You want kids? A family? With Caroline?"

"No," Harry answered quickly.

"No with Caroline or no for any of it?"

"No to any of it, but especially no to the Caroline part," Harry answered, "I'm not father material."

"Because of the life, right?" Sofia asked, "Unless you need to keep the blood line going, kids are just a pain in the ass, they're a burden we can't afford."

"No, it's not the life," Harry answered, shaking his head, "I decided no kids long before I ever got involved in this."

"Why?" Sofia asked, curious.

"You going to eat that?" Harry asked ignoring her question, pointing at Sofia's bacon, Sofia shook her head, and Harry picked the bacon off her plate, eating it.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Where are we going?" Sofia asked, hoping to catch him off guard enough the he would answer. Harry smirked, chewing on the bacon.

"Nice try," he said, standing up to pay the check, refusing to take the money that Sofia was trying to give him.


***


"Where the hell are we?" Sofia asked, as Harry pulled to the side of the road of a small neighborhood. Sofia looked around, and waited for Harry to get out of the car but he didn't. He sighed deeply, looking out her window at the house across the street. Sofia followed his eyes, but didn't see anything special about the house. It was small, brick, flowers in the front.

"You know," Harry said, "I don't regret much in my life. Everything I did, good and bad, it led to me to your dad and your brother. It led me to the boys, and to this gang. You're right, what the boys and I have isn't normal for this life. I've experienced other gangs, and what we have, it isn't like a gang. It's a brotherhood. We would take bullets for each other, not because we have to, but because we love each other. And I'm not afraid to say it. We love each other, man."

"Especially you and Louis," Sofia quipped quietly.

"Yeah," Harry agreed, "And Danielle and Eleanor, I love them too. They're like sisters to me."

"Is there a point to this chick flick moment?" Sofia asked.

"My point is, I don't regret anything that led me here," Harry said, "And I don't think I would do anything much differently if I could have a re-do."

"But?"

"My sister lives there," Harry said, pointing to the house across the street. The surprise on Sofia's face was something he was expecting.

"You have a sister?" Sofia asked.

"Gemma," Harry said, "Man, she uh, she was my opposite. She's book smart, and loved school. She stayed out of trouble, and she had friends and a long-term boyfriend. She was gentle and sweet. People loved her, flocked to her really. And she loved them. She was good. She was everything I wasn't."

Sofia stayed quiet, the way Harry described his sister was familiar.

"Our parents, man, they fucked us. That's the thing about parents, is they fuck you up," Harry said, continuing, "Everyone has some sort of issue with their parents. For some people it's small, bullshit stuff. Little annoyances. But, for some people, parents leave scars. They fuck you up, and you don't even know it."

"The thing is when you're little, you get this impression that parents are supposed to love you unconditionally. They're supposed to love you no matter who you are, or what you do. But, it's not like that for everyone, is it?"

Sofia didn't say anything. She could feel her lungs get tight, because she knew exactly what he meant, but she was too stubborn to say so, so she stayed silent. Harry didn't mind, he wasn't expecting her to respond, he appreciated that she was listening. It was a step in the right direction.

"For some people, there's conditions on the love. Even though their parents, and their basic job is to love you, they can't. So no matter what, they'll never approve, you'll never be good enough. And for some people, you're parents just don't know how to love you, at all."

Sofia didn't say anything again, looking at her feet instead of at him. His words hit a little too close to home, and she was getting uncomfortable.

"Mommy and daddy didn't love you enough?" Sofia asked, her voice bitter.

Harry saw right through the harshness, she was getting scared of the conversation. He was voicing things she didn't know how to voice yet. She didn't know what to do, so she just did what she always did, she tried pushing him away. Not today though, Harry thought, he was going to say what he had to say, and she was going to listen.

"My dad was a drunk, a nasty drunk," Harry said, "The first thing he did in the morning was sip out of the bottle, and he fell asleep with it in his hands at night. And in between, he went out of gambled our money at the pub. And then he would come home, and it didn't matter how quiet you were, or how you tried to hide. He would find you. He would find me, all of us, really. And he would just beat on us. I'm not talking a few slaps, I'm talking it would go on for hours."

"My mom was just as fucked up, and he broke her early. She just took it; she didn't even try to protect herself or us. She was worthless, and when he got real mad, she blamed us. It was our fault. We weren't quiet enough, or good enough, or well behaved enough. It was always our fault when he flipped his lid. Neither of them knew anything about taking responsibility. He was destroying his kids, and she just sat and watched."

That sounded familiar too. Sofia couldn't say that her father ever beat her, but he certainly had his fair share of close-fisted moments. There were times where he would run her tired, and weak, and push her harder and further. He had his issues, and he took them out on her, and her mother let him.

"Gemma and I dealt with it differently. She would get up, cover up the bruises and go to school. She'd get good grades, and stay after school in activities. She worked hard so that she could go to Uni and get out of the hellhole. I got angry, and resentful and bitter. And so, I drank and I smoked, and I had a lot of sex. Basically stopped going to school, and caused as much trouble as I could."

"Then one day the old man got drunk and picked a fight with someone bigger then him. And he wound up dead in an alley. My mom took off, guess she figured Gemma and I were old enough to be on our own. And I took off one way and Gemma took off another, and soon not only were we strangers, but we were almost enemies. She was scared of who I had become, and I resented her for being able to get on so normally. Finally, one night, I was heading out for another black out pub night that would end up with me kicking some guys teeth in and probably another arrest, and she told me that if I walked out – I wasn't welcome back."

Sofia looked up, surprised at Harry's story. She didn't know he had family, and she didn't know that he had been kicked out.

"And I walked out, and I didn't go back. Eventually Louis found me, and you basically know the rest. Like I said, I don't regret anything."

"But, I scared the shit out of Gemma because I had so many mixed feelings about what my dad did to me. I pushed her away. I took her fear as trying to change me, make me something I wasn't. I didn't think she gave a shit about me, I just thought she was trying to stop me from messing up her plan to be normal. No matter how many times she begged me to stay in or to talk to her or to stop fighting or drinking, I didn't. I pushed her until she finally threw her hands up and gave up."

"Is this supposed to be my warning? Are you foreshadowing Liam and I?" Sofia asked, "Because if you're trying to get me to change so I don't end up –"

"I'm not, " Harry said, interrupting her, "You and Liam are different. You'll always be different. And I'm not trying to get you to change, or him. But I think you could both learn from this. And I mean both of you, I know Liam makes his mistakes."

"I'll never know my sister, Sofia," Harry continued, "She'll always be a complete stranger. And maybe it would've wound up this way anyway, but sometimes I wonder if I could've changed it. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I had tried, maybe if I cut her some slack and let her in a bit, maybe I wouldn't be sitting outside her house in a car – maybe I could invite you in to meet her."

"It bothers you," Sofia observed quietly.

"She's my only blood," Harry answered quietly, "She's the only blood family I have, and she's a complete stranger. Blood means something, whether you want it to or not."

Sofia opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't find the words. And before she could find words, there was a rap at her window scaring them both.

Sofia looked up to see a dark haired woman, and she knew immediately she was looking at Gemma Styles. They looked so much alike; she was just as stunning as Harry was. They had the same eyes, even if Gemma's were a little bit softer.

Sofia looked over at Harry and Harry looked just as surprised to see her but he opened his car door anyway, stepping out.

"What are you doing here?" Gemma asked.

"I just came to see –" Harry tried to say, but Gemma held up her hand, stopping him.

"Are you still in that gang?" Gemma asked.

"You know I am," Harry said quietly.

"Then you can't be here," Gemma said, shaking her head, Sofia could hear that it hurt her to say those words.

"Gemma –" Harry tried to argue.

"You could come home, get a real job, clean yourself up," Gemma said.

"You know I can't do that," Harry said, his eyes narrowed, "But it doesn't have to be like this."

"You're dangerous, Harry," Gemma said, stepping away from her
brother, before glancing at Sofia. Sofia felt like she was intruding on a private moment, and wished more then anything she could disappear.

"You have to go," Gemma repeated, giving Harry no other choice. She didn't want to talk or to understand, she just wanted him to go. She was still scared of him, and she still didn't understand him. She was making the choice to stay scared, and to not understand him.

Harry realized he wasn't going to be able to change her mind, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Things were the way they were, and it would take a miracle to get his sister to see him differently, to give him a chance. A miracle he didn't have so he sighed sighed deeply, watching his sister turn from him, and decided to leave like she had asked him too. He opened the car door again; ready to get in, but before he could Gemma turned back to him.

"Harry," she said, he looked up at her. She hesitated, as though she wasn't quite sure she should say what she was about to.

"Harry," Gemma repeated, "I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for."



***


Later that night, Sofia found herself in the kitchen making evening tea. Harry and her didn't talk much on the way home, both lost in their own thoughts. She wondered if one day what she witnessed between Harry and Gemma would be something she would experience with Liam. She felt a twinge, an almost ache in her heart at the thought.

Picking up her mug of tea, she was ready to crawl into bed and try and wipe the day from her head. Harry had gotten to her, as much as she denied it and she acted unaffected by what he had told her and what she had seen, but it was just that, an act. The things he said, she understood them. She understood him, and his story. And it scared her, because she was pretty sure that meant he understood her.

It was the rustling in the office that caused her to look up. She saw Liam going to threw a cabinet, probably looking for some paperwork. She stood outside the door, most nights she would walk by without a second glance or a word. But tonight she hesitated by the door, thinking about Harry and Gemma as she stared at her brother. Harry was right, Liam and Sofia were different, but they were still blood. She heard Harry's words in her head. Blood means something.

"Hey," she said quietly, stepping into the office and surprising Liam as he looked up. He glanced around, as though looking for whom else she could be talking to.

"Hey," he answered, hesitantly and surprised. There was an awkward pause, neither knowing what to say. Sofia swallowed slowing, before sitting in the chair across from his desk.

"How was your day?" she finally asked. She remembered what Harry said in the car, about keeping it simple. The little things.

"It was rough start," Liam said, thinking back to the two of them in his office this morning.

"Yeah, mine too," Sofia agreed.

"It got better though," Liam said, slowly moving around the desk and though dealing with a frightened animal. He didn't want to spook her. He settled for leaning on the corner.

"Yeah, mine too," Sofia said again.

"You have fun with Harry?" Liam asked

"I would never put fun and Harry in a sentence together," Sofia quipped, "I don't think the two of us could ever have fun together, doing anything. But um, yeah, it was interesting."
"I don't know, I think you and Harry could be friends," Liam argued, a small smirk playing on his face.

"Harry and I aren't friends," Sofia said, annoyed, "We tolerate
each other at best. That's all it'll ever be."

"You tolerate each other?" Liam repeated, "Well, that's a start, perhaps to something beautiful."

"Shut up," Sofia growled, rolling her eyes at her brother's amused face. He was teasing her, and she new it.
"He told me about his sister and family, and everything. About how he wound up here, and all the family drama he had," Sofia said.

"Harry told you that?" Liam asked, surprised, his eyes wide.

"Yeah, why?" Sofia asked

"Because, he's only told Louis, and he didn't give many details," Liam said.

"Oh," Sofia responded, the information turning in her head. Why would Harry tell her of all people?

"So um, what do I owe the honor of this late night visit?" Liam asked, raising his eyebrows. He was also wondering why Harry would have opening up to Sofia, but also wanting to take advantage of this rare moment he had her alone and friendly.

"We're strangers, Liam," Sofia said suddenly, catching him off guard, "I'm supposed to look at you and see my brother, but I see stranger. I don't know you, and you don't me."

"Yeah, I know," Liam agreed, quietly.

"I'm not going to change. I am who I am and you are who you are, and I know you hate who I am, and you don't get me, and you wish I wish different. But I'm not, and I don't know if I'm ever going to be. I am who I am," Sofia said, her words rushed, because this was new to her, and she felt awkward, "But we don't have to be strangers."

"No, we don't," Liam agreed. He wanted to say more, but again, he didn't want to spook her. So he kept his words minimum. Any sign of emotions or a big conversation, and he knew that Sofia would back off. She'd freak out, and leave. So he kept it simple, agreeing with her.

"So um, I'm going to try," Sofia said, "Cut you break, let you know how my day is or whatever..."

"Okay," Liam agreed, nodding, "And uh, I'll try and cut you a break too, and ask you how your day is...Or whatever."

"Okay," Sofia agreed, squirming in her seat, clearly not comfortable with the conversation.

"Well goodnight," she said suddenly, standing up and trying to flee the room as fast as possible much to Liam's amusement.

"For the record, Sof," Liam said from behind her, causing her to turn, "Whether you change or not, this version or that version, I could never hate you."

Sofia's heart stopped at his words, not because of what he had said, but because of what she knew he was going to say next. She felt it, and she almost wanted to run from the room before he said them, because the words scared her and confused her.

"I love you, Sof," Liam said, "No matter what."



***


Sofia knocked on his door, before pushing it open. Harry turned in his computer chair, looking up at her.

"This always happens to me," Harry said, sighing, acting concerned, "I
spend just a little time with a girl, and they come breaking down my bedroom door."

"What?" Sofia snapped at him, confused.

"There's only one reason girls visit me at this hour of night, Sofia," Harry said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at her.

"In your dreams," Sofia growled, rolling her eyes.

"I'll see you there," Harry quipped back. Sofia narrowed her eyes, before stepping further into his room.

"You haven't told anyone else what you told me today," Sofia said, getting to the point.

"I know," Harry said, casually.

"Why?"

"Haven't felt the need to share," Harry said, "Until today."

"Why me?"

"Why not you?"

"This doesn't change anything," Sofia said defensively, "Just because you dished out your whole sad story, it doesn't mean I'm going to start talking."

"I'd be disappointed if you started weakening your façade over one little day trip," Harry said, "That'd be too easy."

"Seriously, this doesn't change anything," Sofia hissed.

"Not one thing," Harry agreed, shrugging, as he stood up.

"You don't know me," Sofia snapped.

"Of course not," Harry said, walking towards her, a grin playing on his face, and amusement dancing in his eyes.

"We're not friends, or like, anything," Sofia growled.

"I still hate your guts," Harry said, nodding and agreeing with what she had to say, even though his eyes said differently.

"You're an idiot," Sofia said.

"What does that make you?" Harry asked

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, I managed to surprised the hell out of you, and I'm idiot. You're the one who got tricked, so what does that make you?" Harry asked, their bodies a little too close. Her arms were crossed over her chest in anger, and he his grin of amusement was getting wider with each exchange.

"You didn't get in my head, I know that's what you were trying to do. And it didn't work," Sofia argued

"Of course it didn't," Harry said, blinking, although smiling wider.

"I'm over this, I'm going to bed," Sofia said, but she didn't move.

"Off you go then," Harry said. Sofia's nostrils flared in anger, but neither of them moved.

"You should quit while your ahead," Sofia said, "Stop trying to fix me."

"I don't want to fix you," Harry said.

"Good," Sofia said, turning from him, and walking towards the door.

"Because I don't think you need to be fixed," Harry said, catching her off guard. She turned back to him, before she could stop herself.

"In order for things to be fixed, they need to be completely broken.
And we both know you could never really completely break."

"Yeah and why is that?" Sofia asked, her eyebrows raised and her voice annoyed.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" Harry asked

"No," Sofia said, shaking her own head, getting more annoyed.

"That's interesting," Harry said quietly.

"What is?" Sofia snapped

Sofia's eyes went wide at his words when he said them, before she turned and left the room in a rush. Nothing caught Sofia off guard ever. But he had managed to, twice in one day. And she hated that. He looked right through her, like she couldn't hide anything from him. He looked at her like he knew her, like he knew everything about her.

He had spoken words that made her uneasy. His words echoed in her head, as she lay down on her bed.

"You don't even know how strong you really are," he had said, "I wonder what else you don't know about yourself."