In My Life, I Love You More (The Beatles)

Chapter 7

This is so wrong. I'm just letting my heart get ahead of me. Once I realized this, I pushed him away from me. I could never do this to myself, or him.

"Paul, stop," He finally came off of me, and have me a confused look. "I can't do this."

"Why not? It's easy," he smiled and tried to kiss me again, until I pushed him off. "Okay, what's the matter?"

"Everything!" I yelled. "First of all, you were ignoring me the entire day, and when you did talk to me, you were so rude." I sighed, and wiped my face from a falling tear. He was quiet, and didn't say much. I continued, "And also, I just can't get involved with you. Not because of you or anything you've done, it's just hard for me to put myself out there again," My voice quieted down, and became shaky.

"Look," he sighed, "I don't know what happened to you last time, but I do know that I would never hurt you. And I'm sorry that I was being some jerk all day. You just looked so pretty, and I thought the others would try to steal you away from me, or--"

"That's another thing, Paul," I interrupted, "They told me that you call me 'your girl'. I need to clarify that we aren't a couple." I emphasized the aren't.

He shook his head, denying it, "That's a lie. I only said that once because I tried to tell John to back off." He sighed and put his hands in his pockets, "I just don't understand why you just don't understand that I care about you? That's why I got so ticked when that stupid ass was all over you at the pub. I was afraid of what he could have done to you if he managed to get you drunk. You were so vulnerable last time." His facial expression and overall tone softened, and he stared into my eyes, making me feel so guilty.

I never meant to lead him on like this. I wasn't looking for a relationship right now; but I do like him, and it scares me. Why does it seem so hard to stay friends? It's not like I'm someone worth liking. I sighed and gave him an apologetic look, "Paul, I know you like me,"

"I really do; A lot." He smiled a crooked smile that made his cheeks puff out. I found it the most adorable sight I've ever seen. No. Stop, Amber. Please.

But I couldn't help but blush at his words. My mood instantly changed when I had to remind myself of what I needed to tell him. "But I can't. I'm not ready. Can't we just stay friends for now?"

He sighed frustratedly at the clouds that blocked the moonshine. He looked at me once again, "Yeah. I'm sorry if I bugged you. I should have known you didn't feel the same about me. I was the only one trying to get your attention, and now I know it's just no use." His fake smile gave him away. I feel like the worst person in the world.

"But I do like you, Paul. I do, but I don't think I can be in a relationship. I'll only waste your time." I tried to make him laugh, but he only stared at me, with the same blank expression he had. "Are we good, are we still okay with each other?" I want to be his friend, but his girlfriend is another story...

He began to walk over to his flat, then turned to me smiling weakly, "We're good. I understand that you just want to be friends. I'm okay, and so are we." He waved at me, then opened the front door of his flat. After he entered, he slammed the door, locking it a millisecond later.

I hurt him. I've just sucked the life out of the fun, joyful, charismatic, Paul McCartney. I'm an evil person that all of the world is going to hate. After William, I just can't be so open to going with anyone. I hardly know Paul, now that I think about it. He hasn't told me much about himself, which is fair because I haven't either, so I can't begin to consider being with him. What hurts is that I want Paul. I really want to be his. But I'll only ending hurting him, and that's the last thing I want to do.