Wicked Stepmother

Sickness

My husband came to my bedchamber one night and what happened then was as hideous as the wedding night, only without witnesses. Somehow I managed not to move and to try to imagine it was all over, and this time at least there was not the blood. But I felt tired beyond compare, and became sick so that any smell would make me vomit- I could no longer bear my potions and herbs and even the smell of food made me violently ill.

The maids for some reason thought this was very funny and spoke about me behind their hands. They brought me up bland foods and sweet stewed fruit with cinnamon or mint to settle my stomach. They brought me tissanes with honey and berries and they helped a little when I could force myself to keep them down.

Above all I wanted the company of Clovis, but she was staying away from me for some reason. I guessed the huntsman was to blame and tried not to mind. If I had come across him in my solitary rides or walks I would possibly have killed him. but luckily for him I increasingly felt too ill and tired to go out.

One night Clovis came to visit me when I sat working on some embroidery.

"You look pale Kiora" she said and her lovely face looked so concerned that I felt glad to be sick.

"I've been sick for over three months now" I said, some petty part of me wanting her to feel guilty for how long she had stayed away.

"So it is true what they say" she said, "You are with child"

The idea shocked me. I didn't want to discuss it or even think about it.

"Why have you not been to see me?" I asked instead. She sighed,

"I was sent away" she said "to my godmother's". She explained how her godmother was some sort of important Lady that her mother had known before her parents had been married, maybe even she had introduced them. She got sent there once a year for a few weeks to learn how to be a "proper lady" since her father knew nothing of women's duties and roles. It wasn't mentioned why her stepmother was not seen as fit to take over the task but I had to admit I was as unqualified as Clovis in truth.

"And what of the huntsman?" I asked irritably

"You mean Dan?" she asked casually, "of course he couldn't come with me. He's not even a royal or anything."

"Are you in love with him?" I asked bluntly. I hoped she would tell me not to be silly but she blushed, very red for her pale skin and looked away.

"I don't know" she said quietly, not looking at me. A wave of rage was followed by a larger wave of hopelessness. What could I say or do? I had nothing to offer her instead. I had no right...

"Well maybe you should marry him and have his babies" I said rudely

"You're the one who is going to have a baby" she snapped.

"Yes" I said, "I was bought for breeding and I am breeding." I felt the darkness closing around me. I didn't want any part of life. I thought of throwing myself from the tower.

"Let me comb out your hair" Clovis said and I said nothing. I let her slowly undo the coils and plaits arranged on my head, unpinning curls and using scented oil to comb my hair. I felt her hands on my scalp and in the silence could hear her breath. She didn't seem fazed by mt lack of words, she took her time and slowly loosened all my hair. When she had finished, she kissed me softly on the forehead and walked out of the room.