Wicked Stepmother

Fickle

I don't want you to misunderstand me, I loved Bennett. Loved him dearly and wanted to make him happy for all that some of his little ways made me laugh. I was intending for things to go on as they were more or less forever, or perhaps at least until I had worked out how to face Kiora, or at least until she was ready to put down the brat and actually notice me again.

He was technically my brother wasn't he? Orion. And the one who would breed for the family to continue our "line" since I wouldn't. And he was sort of cute I suppose if you like little bald slugs that don't have any conversation or anything...but Kiora looked at him like he was the best thing in the universe and stroked and petted him and held him to her breast. She gave him all the kisses she denied me and I felt how false she was in keeping me at a distance supposedly as a parent. If she was parent to me, was she not even more so to this little would be usurper of her love and maybe of my father's too when all was said and done (aren't all men supposed to want a son to follow in their footsteps?).

I had not spoken to her since his birth. I had looked in on her at times but she had been so besotted, she had not even seen me. At these times  thought about demanding her attention or trying to win her back with the little attentions I had eased her pregnancy with, but what was the point? She had her little Orion now and I was as nothing to her. She never looked like she missed me, did not even look as sad as I had thought her. Just looked serenely focussed in gazing on that child's face.

He was not even particularly good looking, you would think Kiora's child would be a perfect little cherub but he was skinny and reddish coloured and bald and had a stupid weak voice when he cried, like a kitten not a person. The few babies I had seen had at least been able to crawl. He seemed too helpless. I wondered if there was something wrong with him. But Kiora didn't seem to think so.

 So each time I crept back to Bennett who was always keen for me and warm...no hot as if fuelled by some sort of fire that I set in him. I very much enjoyed my time with him and I always left him sure I would come back again and sure I would be welcome. In the beginning, he seemed as confident as me about the pattern of our time together but after Orion was born and I saw him a little more often there was a change. Often he did not want me to leave his hovel, seemed to expect me to stay the entire night. Much as I liked him the rough sheets and smell of the animal hides he used as blankets were not to my liking. I wished for a change I could have him in my room but I knew that was not possible.

One night the impossible happened. 

I had been feeling a bit peaky and not myself. I had felt off my food, nauseated by the smells of people and by the decaying rushes in the castle. I kept asking my servants to change my rushes, to bring more lily water...but then they made it too strong. I wondered if I had a worm or some such thing from my time in Bennett's less than pristine rooms.

But I came to him anyway, for else was there to go? I felt tender at the sight of his warm smile, his sun-browned skin and the reddened V of skin and dark-brown hair where he wore his tunic open. He kissed me as he did, his tongue filling my mouth eagerly as if he was dying of thirst for me. We fell upon each other and I laughed at the thought that we seemed more inclined to tear each other to pieces than anything else.

But our lovemaking though wild had a sort of carefulness and sweetness to it too, and I felt a happy glow lying tumbled about his arms and legs so that I would have had to think to identify whose body was whose and to sort the parts to the right one. He smiled right into my eyes.

"I love you" he said and I said I loved him too. I did.  I loved him more than my horse perhaps or more than my father.

"It's time we were married" he said quietly.

"What?" I asked and sat up. No longer did his arms about me feel comforting, I felt suffocated.

"Married? Who said anything about that?" I asked

"I did." he said calmly, "It's time we spoke of it. You know I love and respect you too much to keep doing this to you."

"What do you mean?" I asked appalled

"I know you are a good girl. I love you. I have got you with child but that is all to the good."

"You've what?" I shook him off me, "You have not got me with child."

"It's true" he said calmly, "I can always tell when anyone- human or animal is with child. But you are even lovelier now."

"A child?" I thought of Kiora's ugly goblin, "a baby inside me? No, no, no I will never breed. Get it out of me." I started hysterically yelling and perhaps hitting out at him and then he was yelling too and I think he threw something at me or perhaps he struck me. And I took my clothes and backed away from him and screeched when he came near and threatened him with death, and that my father would execute him and he turned pale when he realised my true identity.

And I felt my heart wrench to see how frightened he looked and how crushed and I suddenly wanted to comfort him but I wanted to end this nightmare more. I would never tell my father, I would never have harm come to Bennett, only he must marry some pretty maid or farmer's daughter not me. I would rid myself of this "child" that did not seem real to me.

I turned and ran into the forest.