as soon as we arrived at the hotel, I carried Olive on my back up to our room.
I laid her down on our bed (I like the sound of that..) took of her sandals & removed her ponytail.
I sat at on of the chairs beside the bed & just looked at her.
*This is crazy. I'm going crazy.*
as I stood up, I heard Olive's phone. It's pretty loud. I dont want to wake her up so I took the phone from her bag & looked at the screen..
- Ju Cheol -
with one name. all that happiness I felt these passed few days, dissappeared & was replaced with anger.
*WTH! what does he wants?!*
I just stared at the phone... Olive might wake up.
I click on reject & place her phone in silent then stuff it under all her things in her bag.
I looked back at Olive's sleeping form.
*Never again Ju Cheol. I'll never give her up again.*
------------------------------------------------------
I woke up when its still dark outside. I looked at Jun Ki, sleeping beside me. his mouth slightly open.
He was nothing but caring these past few days. He took care of me like no other.. not even Ju Cheol...
I went to the balcony & just sat there, waiting for the sunrise.
thinking of all the things that had happened. for the first time since we arrived in Jeju. I thought of him. has he been well. has he been resting enough. he tends to overdo everything when it comes to his work. I hope he's..... what am I doing!? why am I torturing myself? why can't I move on?! Why did he do this to me?!...
why! why! why!...
for the NTH Time.. I cried my heart out.
I covered my mouth with my hand to muffled the sound of my cry.
I dont want Jun Ki to hear. I cant let him see me like this.
I cried & cried until I cant anymore...
I fell asleep on the chair.. mssing the sunrise..
wasnt aware I was being watched.
--------------------------------
I turned expecting to be able to wrap my arms around Olive but I found an empty space.
I wiped the sleep from my eyes & looked around. I found her
by the balcony..
crying.
my heart shattered into millions of pieces.It makes me feel useless that I cant even help her be happy. help her to move on...
I laid still on the bed waiting for her.. watching her.
she just cried & cried until she fell asleep on the chair. thats when I stood up & walked over her. I watched her sleep, her face still wet from her tears.
I pushed some of her hair off her face & tucked it behind her ears..
I wiped some of the tears on her cheek...
*why... why cant you see I'm here.. why cant you see how much I love you? why him? why... why... why.. So maby why's... and nowhere near to an answer.
I sat down beside her chair, looking at the beach..
the sun is rising. such a beautiful sunrise...
its another day... I hope for both of our sakes..
today will be different.
I carried her inside & laid beside her on the bed. my arms
wrapped around her. I touched her cheek one more time & kissed the top of her head & I fell back to sleep.
