Broken Into New.

Chapter Three

An uncomfortable feeling formed at the base of my stomach. I quickly rolled over in the fear of being touched. It was in that moment i just wanted to sleep. I hate this feeling, truly I  do. I got up and turned the light off.  Alex was slumped into the bed. I didn't feel bad though. I mean i led him on and shut him down but i had done that often; it was just a flaw of mine. 

I got into bed and slid as far to my side as i could. The night was nearly unbearable for me. I struggled to breathe let alone sleep. Some things are just triggers for me in a way i can't explain. Maybe i'm just fucked up in ways that can't be fixed with any amount of time. I sat up and watched him sleep in peace. I was knowingly envious, i had wished i could sleep that well. I drifted off into a sleep that seemed nice. 

*******

"Elvira.. ELVIRA wake up.. EL you're safe.. I'm right here!" Whispered in my ear while shaking me awake. I looked around the room and knew it was only a dream. I was okay and i would stay okay. The sun had just came up over the horizon so the room was just starting to brighten. 

He started explaining that i was screaming in my sleep and he figured that i was having a nightmare. I laid in silence thinking about what i would do today. My thoughts were rather selfish since they didn't include Alex. "I think today we should  split up and look for jobs like we discussed before." I told him. He was okay with the idea but wasn't happy about not being together. 

I read the newspaper over breakfast at some little side walk cafe. They claimed to have the best lunch at breakfast time. I hated eating breakfast food so this was a blessing. I saw some jobs in the newspaper that seemed interesting. So i decided to go check them out. Most were office jobs, simple writing jobs, and one phone job. 

All the interviews went well, but the whole day a thought kept burning in my head. The thought that maybe i couldn't handle the commitment, not that i had infidelity issues. I'm more than likely bi polar, or at least that's what i kept telling myself. It was easier to blame my feelings on anything other than the fact this might not work. 

I pushed my thoughts aside and checked the time. It was three pm and Alex and I agreed to meet back at the hotel at six pm. I went and shopped for a new bathing suit for the beach. That's probably what he had planned for tonight. We hadn't been in California for that long but it already felt like eternity. 

I wonder what's happening at home right now. The small town that always seems to sleep. It was weird passing so many people and not knowing a single one. I found a little sidewalk shop and walked straight to the bikini section. A pretty teal blue strapless bikini caught my eye so i went straight for it.

 As i reached for the skimpy bikini i collided with a young woman. She was a pretty beach blonde, tall and skinny. She had dark gray eyes that made her look like a total mystery; which intrigued me. I swiftly said " i'm sorry, I didn't see you." She glazed up at me with her fascinating eyes and seemed to freeze. She acted almost intimidated, but then she introduced herself as Zoey. I held my hand out and told her my same was Elvira, but most people called me El. 

She seemed friendly enough to be a lost puppy. We talked for a few short minutes and she handed me her number. She tripped over her words as she told me "call me, I mean of course if you wanna hang out sometime." I stuck it in my pocket without looking at the note. I took an hour looking at bikinis before coming back for the teal one and buying it. 

It made me feel like someone who i aspired to be - a model. Although i knew i could never pull that job off. I walked out of the store and once again stumbled into someone. His blue eyes caught mine. Before i could say anything he blurted out "sorry.. My names James.. eh.. could i take you for a coffee to repay you for my clumsiness?" I checked my phone and it read that it was only four-thirty. So i accepted his kind offer. We sat and ordered our coffee. He asked about my life and how i ended up here. After answering his questions i asked similar questions about him. He said he was a photographer for a modeling firm. He began to explain how he needed to find models for their next shoot. 

He asked me if i was interested in a job there and that he could get me an interview if i would like. Of course i excepted because this was much much better than a boring office job. I told him that i probably wasn't model material but i would give it a shot. He called his office and made an the interview tomorrow at eleven Am. While he was on the phone i checked my phone and it suddenly hit me that it was already five -thirty and i had to go. We said our goodbyes and i headed back to the room. 

********

 I walked in to find an empty room and the shower running. "Alex and showers" i mumbled. I sat my bag down and laid down on the uncomfortable couch.  I scrolled through Instagram and realized that i had never told James my name or hardly about me. It's amazing how few things people know about me. 

The sound of the bathroom door opening cut through my thoughts and i came back to the now. I stood up and walked into his open arms. I halfheartedly kissed him. His hands traveled up and down my body, but stopped at my butt. He fished into my jeans pocket to find the note that Zoe gave me. He looked at me in surprise and said "This isn't your handwriting or number?" He dropped the note and stepped away from me in an angry manner. I picked up the supposed scandalous note.  It said

"You're going to look hot in that bikini, Call me if you wanna have some fun ;)

     510-678-4901"

"It's not what you think Alex!"  I remarked.

"Then what is it El?"

"SHE is my new friend and it was just her giving me her number if i ever wanted to hang out. Really, shes harmless."

"Whatever" 

" I have good news though!"

"really?" 

I began telling him about the modeling job that i was going to interview tomorrow. He pouted about not seeing me for a whole day again, but i assured him that i would spend the next day with him. We went to the beach after our argument and then makeup. He loved my new bikini and agreed with Zoey that it made me look hot. 

I sunbathed most of the time at the beach but before we left he made me go swimming. It was the first time i noticed that he doesn't look that great with wet hair. I laughed under my breath a bit at my random thought. At that moment he pulled me under the water and kissed me. It was the most unexpected thing that's happened today. 

I wonder what he was thinking. I wondered if he did that in the moment or if he just wanted to get lucky. I pushed him further down into the sea and broke from the kiss. I wasn't really into it and i think he could tell. I lied to myself and him in saying "save it for when we get back to the room." i added a wink to the end of my sentence. What was I going to do with myself?...