Learning To Count(Otabek x Yuri) [boyxboy]

Chapter Thirteen

Otabek knew he ought to wake Yuri up so he could let his mum know where he was or something, but it was so cathartic to have him asleep on his chest that he just couldn't. The relaxed expression on his face was so adorable and rare that all he could do was stare at it uselessly, his heart swelling with affection. Still, even in sleep he didn't look completely carefree; his cheeks were hollow and his eyes were sunken in, giving his face a haunted look about it. He waited for about half an hour until Yuri's green eyes slowly flickeded open and he groaned quietly, not moving away. They stared at each other for a long and pensive moment, Otabek's eyes carefully reading his expression.
'What time is it?' Yuri whispered, not wanting to break the serenity of the moment that had just passed between them.
'Eleven.'
'Crap, I should've been home an hour ago...'
'Want me to drive you home?'
Yuri shook his head and sat up to grab his phone, scrolling through the irrigated and mildly panicked messages from his mother. He couldn't blame her for being worried when he'd given her so much cause to be of late. He texted her that he was fine, he'd just fallen asleep.
'Stay over then,' Otabek told him, no hint of teasing in his tone.
'Seriously?' Yuri was kind of surprised. Didn't staying over mean something a little more than just sleeping- something he really wasn't up to?
'It's cold tonight. I could use the warmth,' Otabek smirked, dragging him back down and cosying up to him.
'Fine,' Yuri stuck his tongue out and texted his mum to tell her the change in plans. She'd have to deal with it, whether she liked it or not. Otabek grinned and kissed him first on the forehead, then on the nose, and finally briefly on his lips.
'Night, babe,' He whispered, and Yuri went pink. There it was again- Otabek had called him babe earlier as well. He hated how squee it made him feel. He'd lost every last essence of his masculinity now. Despite his qualms about the pet names, he did happen to like it and the warmth spreading through his chest rocked him into a deep and dreamless sleep, unlike any rest he'd had for weeks beforehand.

              Otabek was rudely awoken by a hand clutching at his late into the night, or early in the morning depending on how you looked at it. He forced his eyes open and as his brain slowly began to function, the hand relinquished. He reached over to his bedside table to flick the lamp on, casting light over Yuri's small form curled tightly into a ball. His fists were clenched and he had screwed his eyes tightly shut, moaning softly to himself. He looked to be in some kind of inextricable agony.
'Shit, are you okay?' He launched upwards to a sitting position and put a hand on his back.
'Fine,' Yuri choked out, but given by the way he was whimpering like a lost kitten he clearly wasn't. 'Just stomach cramp.'
Otabek knew better by now than to take his word for it and within moments he was on his feet trying to figure out what the best course of action was. To be honest, Yuri looked like he was about to drop dead. A thin sheen of sweat covered his ghostly pale forehead and his teary eyes were coming in and out of focus constantly, at times rolling back into his head as a fresh wave of agony rolled over him. Watching him writhe and contort in pain was torturous and he couldn't endure it a second longer without doing something.
'I'll be two seconds,' He promised, legging it down the stairs to retrieve a cold glass of water, a hot water bottle and an aspirin. It was the best he could do at such short notice, and waiting for the kettle to boil so he could fill up the hot water bottle was excruciating. He dashed back up the stairs with everything in hand to find that Yuri was standing up, pacing painstakingly slowly back and forth and gripping at his stomach.
'Sit down,' Otabek kept his voice far steadier than he was feeling. Once Yuri was sat on the bed, leaning against a mountain of pillows Otabek had constructed, he helped him take the aspirin and a few sips of water, then pressed the hot water bottle to his stomach. He bent down and tested his forehead for heat, discovering that he was burning up. His hands, however, as they gripped Otabek's, were icy cold. He retracted one hand to lay it against Yuri's stomach, gently massaging it underneath the hot water bottle.
'It'll pass,' Yuri breathed, his lower lip trembling as he spoke.
'Shouldn't it be me saying that?' Otabek chuckled lightly and scooted up next to him to lay his head on his shoulder. 'How often does this happen?'
'Used to be only every few days or so, but recently it's been every night.'
'Have you seen a doctor?'
'Umm, yeah. They said it's part of the anorexia and my organs are breaking down or something. Pretty shitty, as things go.'
'And they didn't give you any medication?'
'They assumed I was in recovery because I got hospitalised. But I wasn't,' Yuri's eyes began to water. The late hour playing with his mind combined with the pain making his thoughts jump about blurred the line between his brain and his mouth. 'And I'm not. At the clinic I just threw up everything and overexercised.'
'Jesus, I'm sorry,' Otabek picked his head up and looked down into his eyes. Yuri smiled hesitantly, but it didn't match his pain-stricken eyes or the tears slowly rolling down his ashen cheeks. 'I'm going to help you. You know that, right?'
'Why would you bother? I think I'm beyond redemption.'
'Because you're important to me.'
'How important?'
'How important do you want to be?'
'How important am I allowed to be?'
Otabek laughed at him and squeezed his shoulder. When he didn't answer, Yuri huffed and folded his arms across his chest, ducking his head and biting his lip. He supposed he'd been a little too audacious in his words and needed to reign himself in a little. He couldn't expect too much of Otabek; he had countless friends and was probably flirting with multiple people anyway. It wasn't as if he was special or anything. What was so interesting about a skinny white boy with little to no social ability and a life duller than drywall, with no libido to boot? Maybe it was the exhaustion from being kept constantly awake by pain or his thoughts hounding him, or perhaps it was because Otabek had a weird veritas effect on him, but he was feeling it strongly and somehow these thoughts fumbled their way into words, flooding out of him. He told Otabek about his constant feelings of inadequacy, how he felt like if he ever gained weight people would stop talking to him because they weren't worried about him anymore, how his anorexia had become a wall for him to hide behind. All the while, Otabek just sat there and listened, watching as the tears began to pour and mirroring them with his own slower ones. He didn't touch him or try to comfort him, knowing he needed a moment of space and to just get it all out in the open. They sat in silence for a good ten minutes or so once Yuri had finished speaking, reeling in the light of everything he had given voice to. Yuri broke the silence first with a hushed laugh, and Otabek was startled.
'Why did I just tell you all that?' He looked alarmed himself. 'There's things I just said that I haven't told people I've known my entire life, but I told you when I've known you for like a month. Kind of pathetic, right?'
'Brave,' Otabek corrected, finally moving to hug him. He heaved him into his arms and planted an affectionate kiss on his cheek. 'And I promise you don't have to feel like you're not enough. You're enough for me. There's no mythical line that constitutes being enough; no amount of weight lost, friends or sex will make you enough, because you already are.'
'Why are you so nice to me?' Yuri grumbled. 'Even though I take up so much of your time and I ruined Rafael's party and made you drive all the way to Scotland just for me to be a jerk and-'
'Made me? Yuri, I think maybe your brain is shutting down too. Get it into your ridiculous mind that I like you.'
'But why?' He cried, gesturing wildly, unable to comprehend that anybody- especially somebody so out of his league- would like him in that way. He didn't even like himself!
'I don't know. You're special.'
'Gee, thanks. That much I know-'
'Shh!' Otabek interrupted him by placing a hand over his mouth. 'I really, really like you and that's it. I love all of you.'
Yuri froze.
'Love?' He echoed, his cheeks burning and eyes wide.
'Oh, nothing like love love,' Otabek rushed to reassure him. 'I just want you to know that you're worthy of love, or whatever.'
Yuri was taken aback by how maladroit he was suddenly acting. Usually he was the epitome of cool, always collected and serene- even when he was crying earlier, he'd seemed in control of himself, unlike Yuri who had been sobbing unceremoniously. That was another thing- how could somebody who'd seen him ugly crying so often not be entirely put off? And who would want to kiss him when his mouth tasted permanently of blood- moreover, why would anybody bother with an anorexic boy in the first place? It wasn't exactly cute. Even Otabek with his apparent saviour complex couldn't be too interested in helping him through it. It was a 60 foot high wall that nobody could scale for him. He'd constructed it anyway, so it wasn't like he was going to want to get past it. He didn't know what lay beyond and that scared him. He was the only thing he could control; everything but his own self was out of his hands and therefore terrifying. The feeling he got from seeing that by his own deliberate fault he'd lost sickening amounts of weight electrified like nothing else ever could and he never wanted to let go of that feeling.
He didn't know if he'd be anorexic for his entire life. Hell, he didn't know if he had much of a life left given the way his body was giving up on him- even he couldn't ignore the various aches and pains that constantly haunted him and the way everybody looked at him like he was about to drop dead. May as well lose a load of weight and go down in glory, right? But if he did stick it through and lived to see the rest of his life pass, he had no clue what was in store for him. He had always thought he'd settle down with a girl and have a few kids to pass on the Plisetsky name, then die a wizened and grumpy old man in a home. Never had he foreseen that he might develop a chronic illness or discover that he was both gay and asexual. Where did that leave him? Settling down with a man, then? And no kids. Maybe he could adopt. He didn't really feel like he wanted kids but his mum would be disappointed if she didn't have grandchildren. Yeah, he could adopt some kids and leave his partner to deal with them while he travelled the world or something. The realisation that he didn't have to be confined to a wife and kids and a generic storybook life gave him a sense of liberation that he would endeavour to chase until his time came, whenever that might be. Then again, he hadn't considered his mum's reaction to him being gay yet. She could be angry with him or, even worse, kick him out. He wasn't sure where he'd go if that happened, but he could probably rely on a friend to begrudgingly shelter him for a while whilst he sorted his life out. In fact, it might be a good idea to create that contingency plan before he told his mum. He knew she loved him, but he also knew she had catholic roots and what that kind of upbringing could do to some people.
'Do your parents know?' He asked Otabek, who looked at him with a bemused expression. 'That you're gay, I mean.'
'Hmm? Yeah, of course they do.'
'And they're okay with it?'
'Well, they don't really think about it. I think they accepted a long time ago that I'm always going to be my own person whatever they say.'
'What if my mum hates me for it?'
'She won't. And if anything happens, you know you can stay here for as long as you need.'
'Thanks. You know, for everything. You're kind of keeping me sane right now,' As Yuri spoke, he realised that the stomach pains had subsided. He breathed a heavy sigh of relief and wriggled his way back down into the bed, tucking himself into the duvet and inhaling deeply. It was just moments before he felt Otabek's arms wrapping around him, enveloping him in their warm embrace. Being mantled like this made him feel a little anxious in case his parents should walk in, but he was too tired to put up a fight and in all honesty he didn't particularly want to in the first place. His lips found Otabek's in the darkness, no longer tired but aching to feel wanted for even just a moment. His hands moved of their own accord to grip at Otabek's shirt, then slipping under it to rest against his chest.
'I think you must be related to Dwayne Johnson,' He marvelled at how solid the ridged muscles were.
'Oh really?' Otabek smirked and rolled on top of him, supporting himself with his elbows. 'I didn't know he had family in Kazakhstan.'
'I didn't know you did.'
'There's a lot you don't know about me, Yuri Plisetsky.'
'Can you tell me?'
'Mm. maybe tomorrow. For now, I'm quite enjoying kissing you...'
Yuri giggled and smiled bashfully up at him, threading his hands through his perfectly gelled hair and taking particular joy in mussing it up by pulling him down so that their lips met once more. Otabek met him halfway, eager as ever and yet still so hesitant.
'You don't have to be so careful with me,' Yuri told him scornfully as Otabek dropped his head down to kiss his neck.
'I feel like you're going to break,' Otabek murmured into his skin.
'I'm not as fragile as you think.'
Otabek smiled tenderly at him, but then it turned devilish and he attacked his mouth with a new vigour. Yuri moaned and hooked a leg round his waist, arching his back and whimpering as Otabek bit his lip.
Otabek was still struggling to give Yuri what he wanted, still afraid he might snap if he held him too tightly. With anybody else he was as rough as he pleased (providing this roughness was welcome), but with Yuri he wanted to preserve him and keep him safe rather than corrupt him and hurt him. Yuri, however, was going all out, clasping at him and letting slip quiet noises of pleasure. He even went so far as to pinch Otabek's ass, making him burst out in laughter.
'You're deranged,' He chuckled, getting his own back by biting down on his lower lip and tugging at him between his teeth. 'You really like it rough?'
'Jesus, I don't know!' Yuri gasped. 'I'm sixteen, I don't think it's crossed my mind. You're kind of going hard now though, right? Well, one part of you is, but...'
'Ah. You noticed.'
'Hard not to when you're grinding against me like that.'
'Sorry.'
Yuri grinned, but underneath his roguish persona he was flustered to the point of passing out. This was the furthest he'd ever gone with anybody and the fact that it was Otabek made it a thousand times more potent. He blinked slowly up at him and tried to gather his thoughts as he hooked a finger through Otabek's waistband.
'I can do something about that if you want,' He whispered, his tone teasing but his eyes serious as hell and he winked to make sure Otabek knew it was a genuinely standing offer.
'Are you really as young as you say you are?'
'I'm just as shocked as you are.'
'How about you just get some rest? Don't you need to go to school tomorrow?'
'I can take a day off. I was just in hospital.'
'Yeah, precisely. This is too much for you when-'
Yuri shut him up by unzipping his flies and making him choke on his tongue, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping. Otabek kissed him so he didn't have to think about his hands, taking his mind off of what they were doing and holding back his voice so he didn't piss off his parents like he had last time a guy had spent the night. The next morning had been awkward at the breakfast table, especially given the fact that said guy he'd brought home had been one of his dad's interns at the time. His dad had been a little pissed off, but Otabek could hardly see how it was his fault that he'd hired such a gorgeous man with a slightly too loud voice that travelled through walls well.
Now, it was somebody he really cared about and he didn't want Yuri to face the same uncomfortable atmosphere in the morning. He was sure his mum would remember their conversation from a few weeks ago about his nameless friend with anorexia and assume that this 'friend' was the person who'd stayed overnight, and she would without a doubt be a genius at subtly feeding him. She had a wondrous way of feeding people without them even noticing they were eating; he envied her prowess sometimes because he could really use it with Yuri.
'I have literally no idea what I'm doing,' Yuri mumbled this confession and Otabek blinked hard to bring himself back to his present situation.
'Of course you don't,' He snorted and guided his hands, their eyes not leaving each others' for a moment.
Yuri couldn't look away from Otabek, drawn in by his shadowy eyes that had darkened yet more in the poor light thrown into the room through the window by streetlights. The only sounds he could hear were Otabek's breath and his own heart beating disturbingly fast. He managed to convince himself that it was just emotion.
'Shit,' Otabek muttered, clenching his fists in Yuri's hair. 'Shit... I- ah!- could look at you all day.'
'Creep,' Yuri grumbled, his eyes finally dropping. When they did, he became embarrassed and looked up towards the ceiling.
'Look at me,' Otabek breathed. He cupped his cheek and forced him to look up at him. He bent down to kiss him lazily, their tongues sliding together and their bodies pressed up against each other, Yuri doing things he never thought he'd do. Otabek moaned low into his ear and clutched at his hair, his head spinning as Yuri gasped breathily along with him.
'I c- Jesus, Yuri!' Otabek gushed, half laughing and half crying out as he came. Yuri startled a bit but pressed his lips to Otabek's and smiled against him.
'Get some sleep, babe,' Otabek told him, rolling away and giving him some space to cool down since he was bright red in the face and gasping for breath. Despite their distance, they held hands tightly and the second Yuri's body returned to its frigid state of iciness he squirmed back into Otabek's arms, knowing he'd be so humiliated the next morning. He didn't care because this was the best thing that had happened to him in a while. He finally felt tired due to the heat of the moment that had just occurred, and sleep came relatively peacefully to him for the second time that night.