The key to my mind

The death of me

R.I.P to the happy little child who was fun to be around, the little happy child that got in trouble but was forgiven for he was loved too much for anyone to remain angry. R.I.P to the happy little child who died in a bullying incident, he was choked until he could no longer breathe, he fell unconscious and never woke up. Where can he be found? Deep within the cemetery located in the very far back part of my mind, he will surely be missed.

After that boy died I was born. I was forced into this shitty world, where I'm never good enough, never smart enough, and no matter how much I try my effort goes unseen. All I ever wanted was for someone to treat me like I belonged, but no one could do that, so instead of excepting the fact that I was a nobody... I sold out and tried to change who I was, I tried to act like the others... I became the exact type of person that killed that happy little boy. I became an asshole, a disrespectful piece of shit.... A bully. To make it worse, I changed my whole lifestyle and was still treated like dirt. Why? Because I'm me no matter what I pretend to be.

After awhile it became obvious to me that I didn't matter, I became woke. I realized that I didn't mean shit to a lot of people, including my own family. I was depressed, stressed, and always angry...I was too emotional for a 4th-8th grader, I was filled with hate but didn't even know what hate was for real. Then I met someone special, but it left me more broken than shattered glass,someone that meant the world to me gone, because I wasn't good enough...because my effort wasn't enough, my love wasn't strong enough...I did my best yet still someone else was still better without trying... Says a lot right?

Now I've found someone else that has token that shattered world, and has rebuilt it to her liking, but I fear that just as I have many times before, I'll fail...I'll fuck something up along the way, or no longer be good enough or I won't matter..one way or another something's going to happen and its going to be because of the fact that I wasn't good enough to prevent it.

I wish that little boy Would
come back....R.I.P
Cameron j. Lee