Can't Let Go

Chapter 3: The Turn

June 20th, 2017

Zen and I were dating for about a year and a half. He decided to ask me to be his girlfriend. He took me to the most special place. He took me to the beach , when my grandma would come to visit she would always take us to the beach and we would collect shells. One time Shawntay picked up a shell but it really wasn't a real shell, it was a little crab so when she picked it up......It pinched her and she cried like a baby but back to the story, Sabrina says laughing with tears coming down her face. When Zen and I arrived to the beach, he made me cover my eyes. When I opened my eyes, there were shells that spelled out "WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?" I gasped when I seen it. It was so beautiful! It made me feel so special. Of course I said yes, so we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We did everything together. Since he was two years older than me, he could buy cigarettes and alcohol. We found out that my dad had cancer until it was too late. About the time he tried to get treatment, he died a month later. I was daddy's little girl, my dad and I were really close when I was younger but when I got older our connection was gone. When he died I went into a dark place. One day Zen told me that he had something that could make me feel better, he took out a container with white powder in it but it wasnt white powder, it was cocaine. He taught me how to do use it by demonstrating, I held one nostril closed and sniffed.. Its burned at first but I got used to it and it made me very relaxed. It also made me forget all the pain and problems in my life, it made me feel alive but I always felt alive with Zen. We were like Bonnie and Clyde, we stole, robbed people, did drugs together, but there was one thing we didnt do together and that was have sex. We were both virgins and we didn't want our first time to be with anyone else but eachother. We were sitting on his bed in his bedroom and we agreed that it was time. He slowly leaned in and kissed me so passionately. He never kissed me like this before. Then he moved to my neck, I took off my shirt, he took off his shirt, we continued to kiss eachother and take off our clothes and you know what happened next. I was so natural when we did do it because we knew eachother for so long. We were so in love and it felt right. A week later we were on the run, we bought a motel room. We had to lay low and make money at the same time. We robbed an old man at his house, we found 10,000 dollars. We thought we were rich at the time. We had to be on the move everyday and we needed more money so Zen would sell drugs and he made thousands of dollars. We had so much money. We would stand on the bed and throw the money in the air and jump on the bed like 5 year olds just for fun. I fell down on the bed and Zen fell on top of me. We were still laughing then Zen crawled up to my face and looked me in my eyes. Everything got silent, its like the world stopped when I looked in his big dark brown eyes. It felt like we were looking at eachother for hours then he said I'm so lucky to know you. I responded , Why do you say that? Zen looked at me with a smirk and said "I just am". Those 3 words every girl wants to hear came out of his mouth. I- LOVE- YOU... I want you... I just was in shock and I was blushing. His soft lips touched mine like it has a million times before but it was different than all the other times. I could feel the spark between us. We started making out and you know what happened next, Everything was like I thought it would be. I felt like I was in a romance movie or a fairytale. Even though I was sixteen and Zen was eighteen, it felt like we were already married. We were more than just lovers, boyfriend/ girlfriend, we were still best friends. He was perfect but of course he had his imperfections, we both did. When we got into arguments we tried to solve them but over time, things got worst and worst. He started to change, to tell the truth....We both did and it wasn't in a good way. I was so friendly and nice but after I started doing drugs and I started to get into agruments with my mom and  best friends Leah and Mia about me doing drugs and being with Zen. They would always say that he wasn't good for me and that he was changing me but at the time, I just thought they were jealous of us. I stopped communicating with all three of them.  Zen and I got tired of people judging us so we left, we moved to Vegas and we got married at the courthouse. We still lived in motels so that Zen could sell drugs and we were still on the run but we never got caught.

Zen and I always got along until one day I went to the doctor because I was feeling bad for some days. When I went to the doctor, she asked me very personal questions that were very awkward. They gave me a check up and had me pee in a cup so they can run some test. When the doctor came back, she told me that I was pregnant. I was shocked but I was also very happy. I was so happy to tell Zen the news that I rushed to the motel to tell him asap. When I came to the door.. I heard Zen's voice so I stopped and put my ear up to the door... I heard moaning. And I opened the door... What I saw behind that door broke  my heart, I walked in and saw this red haired girl's head in his lap. I yelled Zen!!! in shock and hurt. Zen got up and pulled up his pants, the girl got up and I ran to her. I pulled her by her hair and started punching her in the face, Zen tried to break it up. She kept trying to pull herself to the door so she could run. I blacked out, I just went insane that I threw her on the floor and I started choking her. I wanted to kill her! I wanted to watch the life slowly go out in her eyes but Zen picked me up with all his strength and held me back onto the wall. He told the girl to get out quick. She sat up and gasped for air then she stood up and ran out the door. I was so angry, I had tears flowing down my face. Zen was trying to explain himself but I didnt want to hear his bullshit. I slapped him and he tried to walk away but I started punching him in the back. Then all of a sudden he turned around and punched me in the face, my vision went blurry. He hit me so hard that I fell to the floor. He ran to me and helped me up. He held me close to his chest and it calmed me down instantly. I was so hurt from what I just witnessed, he cheated on me and hit me. Zen sighed and said I love you and I never meant to hurt you. I still had tears streaming down my face. I pushed myself out of his arms and I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. I didnt notice that my nose was bleeding because all of the tears. I didnt get a chance to tell him the news that night. He tried to talk to me that night but I just stayed quiet and layed down and acted like I was asleep. I woke up that morning, it was like he was a whole other person, he brought me breakfast in bed. He asked me how was I feeling like everything was ok and act like everything back to normal. In the back of my mind I was thinking of how much he hurt me last night. I was broken. I never thought that Zen Hudson would do this to me, not in a million years. Just to not add more fuel to the fire, I just said that I was fine and acted like everything was ok. Zen told me to get dressed because we were going out. I asked where we were going but he just said its a surprise. He packed our things and we got in the car and hit the road. It felt like we were in the car for days then we finally arrived. It was a cute little house that had 2 bedrooms and he said that we were going to be living there for a while. He took our things inside the house. The house was so bright and shiny. I was so used to living in dark motel rooms. He told me to get back in the car and he drove us to Olive Garden which was my favorite restaurant. We talked and ate. We actually had a good time together, it sort of made me forget about the other night. After we left the restaurant he took me to the drive-in to see the updated version of the Titanic movie. Then we were going to go skating but I told him that I was ready to go home. But before we left, I wanted to ask him a question. I asked what state were we in? Zen responded, Oklahoma. I just said Ok, then we went home. When we got home, I decided to tell Zen the news. I sat down and I told him that I had something to tell him. He looked at me with a curious look on his face, he raised his eyebrow. He was staring at me waiting for the answer. I was nervous because I didn't know how he would react but he had the right to know. When I was about to tell him, his phone rang. When he got off the phone, he said sorry babe but I got to go to work and he left.