~ two weeks later. sota has competed at cup of china, but unfortunately only finished fourth, meaning he most likely won't make the grand prix final. ~
I fling myself on my bed, tired from not only a long day of training but also the fact that Shoma and my training groups trained together today, meaning that I got to spend the entire day with him.
Not that I'm complaining, but it really hurts my heart.
Seeing him, talking to him, being with him, all the while he's oblivious to my feelings.
I want to talk to someone.
Direct Message to @wakawakaskate
@so_ta0110: wakababy, are you free?
@wakawakaskate: sorry, unfortunately, no. my grandparents are over.
@so_ta0110: oh, okay. never mind then.
@wakawakaskate: how about you talk to that brogan girl?
@so_ta0110: i don't know if it's okay to bombard her with my problems, we only met two weeks ago.
@wakawakaskate: if you don't try, you won't know. she could be the person you're looking for. and if it doesn't work out, don't ask her again. now i really have to go, bye x
@so_ta0110: i'll try. goodbye, say hi to your grandparents for me! x
I like Wakaba's grandparents, I've met them a couple of times before. They originally thought I was her boyfriend, but after some shady explanations, they finally understood that although Wakaba is my 'public' girlfriend, we're not actually dating.
I guess I should take her advice and message Brogan.
She's in school right now, but maybe she'll be able to talk.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@so_ta0110: are you free right now?
For a while, no response. But just as I'm about to give up, my phone pings with a new message.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@brogan_holister: yeah, i'm about halfway through my spare period at school, i have another half hour free. what's up?
@so_ta0110: i have a problem i need to admit to someone, and no one else is free right now. but before i tell you what it is, there's some other stuff you need to understand first.
@brogan_holister: sure, always here to help.
@so_ta0110: so you know i'm dating wakaba?
@brogan_holister: yeah
@so_ta0110: do you know what a 'beard' is? and i don't mean in terms of facial hair.
@brogan_holister: a fake girlfriend when you're trying to cover up your sexuality?
@brogan_holister: wait
@brogan_holister: you're gay? it's okay if you are, i don't judge.
@so_ta0110: bisexual actually.
@brogan_holister: wait, so i guess the thing you need to talk to me about is that you like someone, but they don't even know you're bisexual, let alone that you have a crush on them?
@so_ta0110: bingo.
@brogan_holister: can i know who this person is? chances are, i don't know them anyway.
Oh, how wrong you are.
@so_ta0110: you do know them. it's shoma.
@brogan_holister: oh my god.
@brogan_holister: does he like you back?
@so_ta0110: no. he's in love with someone else. i'm not going to tell you who though, i don't think i'm allowed.
@brogan_holister: that's okay. but, like, wow.
@brogan_holister: do you just need to cry a minute to me about how much it hurts?
@so_ta0110: how are you so good at this?
@brogan_holister: i learn a lot from lexi ;)
@so_ta0110: i still haven't met her yet.
@brogan_holister: she's certainly... something. in a good way.
@so_ta0110: she sounds interesting
@brogan_holister: she is. but back to you. just spill everything, sota, i'm here for you.
Thank you so much for suggesting this, Wakaba.
I know I love Shoma, but my heart flutters every time she talks to me.
@so_ta0110: it's just everything about him. his hair. his laugh. his eyes. his nature. i just want him to love me like i love him and i know that's completely not going to happen, because he's straight for one thing, and i just feel like a disappointment and an embarrassment for even thinking of him like this. i mean, he's my best friend, and i have all these fantasies about him that are criminal in perspective. on top of that, i think i like a girl as well, but she's not any better, because she's not going to love me back either, and holy shit, i'm crying.
Tears are slipping down my cheeks right now, but she starts typing frantically.
@brogan_holister: you're not a disappointment for being in love with him. like lexi's friend paul once said, 'you can't help who you like.' thinking about him like this is not criminal in any way, and he won't hate you if he ever finds out. in terms of the girl, who the hell wouldn't love you? you're a japanese figure skater, you're going to have girls lined up around the block if you only know where to look.
@so_ta0110: you have no idea how much that cheered me up. thank you so much brogan.
@brogan_holister: anytime
@brogan_holister: i have to go to class now.
@so_ta0110: :(
@so_ta0110: bye! have fun. seriously, thank you so much.
@so_ta0110: try not to miss me too much ;)
@brogan_holister: impossible, sota ;)
She's actually flirting back.
