princessyamamoto, prepare yourself.
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~ a little more than one week later. the grand prix final in vancouver, canada, is just under one week away ~
My heart pounds in my chest.
I've never done this before. Well, not intentionally, anyway.
I'm going to tell Brogan something very important.
Well, if I want to be factually accurate, two things that are very important.
Shoma convinced me that I need to do it. Not only for my sake, not only for Brogan's sake, but also for Alexandra's sake, because she's saved our friendship from the depths of hell.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@so_ta0110: are you there?
I pray to every god ever that she's not, so I have a liable excuse to get out of this terrifying situation.
But, of course, she is there.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@brogan_holister: yeah, what's up?
@so_ta0110: there's a couple of things i need to tell you.
My heart has gone into overdrive. I just hope I don't pass out or anything.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@brogan_holister: sure, fire away.
@so_ta0110: the first one is
@so_ta0110: i'm not in love with shoma anymore. i'm still bisexual, obviously, but i'm not in love with him. he knows, and he smiled when i told him.
@brogan_holister: that's great! maybe now you can join me and lexi with shipping shevgenia.
@so_ta0110: hahaha, maybe.
@brogan_holister: :) so, what's the other thing?
@so_ta0110: remember when i told you i was bi?
@brogan_holister: yeah.
@so_ta0110: i said i was in love with a girl, as well as shoma.
@brogan_holister: yeah, i remember that.
@so_ta0110: i'm going to tell her.
@brogan_holister: nice.
She sounds... disappointed?
I'm not sure what logic this is based on, but somehow, I feel more confident, and decide to make the petrifying leap into thin air.
I have no idea if she'll catch me.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@so_ta0110: no, wait. it's you, brogan. you're the one who makes my heart race. your banner, even when i first saw it in tallinn, inspired me enough to skate well, so i medalled. i owe my successes to you. i think you're gorgeous, kind and funny. you're my dream girl. i think i've loved you ever since i met you.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three minutes pass.
Silence.
I put my phone on sleep mode, turning it over and over in my hands, willing her, all the way in Canada, to reply to me.
Finally, my phone lights up.
Direct Message to @brogan_holister
@brogan_holister: i've hinted at this before, but you never seriously took note of it. because you're my favourite skater, when you started talking to me, it was only a matter of time before i really, seriously fell for you. i felt hurt when i found out you loved shoma, but i knew there was nothing i could do apart from be there for you. that's why i was so worried when all that bisexual shit came out, because i thought you'd hate me. i couldn't live with that. i can't live without you, sota.
@so_ta0110: brogan?
@brogan_holister: yeah?
@so_ta0110: i'm in love with you. are you in love with me?
@brogan_holister: like i said a week ago about a completely different subject:
@brogan_holister: you have no idea.
@brogan_holister: sota, you have no idea how in love with you i am.
@so_ta0110: i'm glad you sent that message to shoma that day.
@brogan_holister: i'm glad you sent me a direct message.
@so_ta0110: i'm glad you exist.
@brogan_holister: sota?
@so_ta0110: yeah?
@brogan_holister: there's something i want to say.
@so_ta0110: what is it?
@brogan_holister: i thank god for you.
@brogan_holister: every.
@brogan_holister: single.
@brogan_holister: day.
@so_ta0110: you shouldn't.
@brogan_holister: why not?
@so_ta0110: because i'm the one who should be thanking god for you.
