Rise (Colton Dixon)

Chapter 27

Alexis
Colton catches me, but I shove him away as I struggle to regain my balance, desperately blinking back the black that’s threatening to cloud my vision.
“***** it, I said I’m fine!” I snap, stubbornly taking another step away from him.
“Lexi, please,” Colton whispers, and I realize he’s on the verge of tears. “Tell me what’s going on. When was the last time you ate?”
And I realize that’s the perfect out. If I can blame it on that, I’ll be fine.
“That’s it, okay?” I try to snap, but I know it comes out sounding way too relieved. “But I’m fine.”
Colton’s face twists in confusion, his eyes meeting mine in utter concern. “Are you sure that’s all that’s wrong?” he asks, adding gently, “It doesn’t sound like you to agree to it so readily.”
I let out an exasperated sigh. “Look, I’m fine. Just ******* forget about it. I survive when you’re gone, don’t I?”
He opens his mouth to reply, but Luke speaks first, from where he walked a little past us and is standing on the shorter side of the trailer.
“Lexi,” he says gently, “come over here for a minute, Darling.”
I turn to him uncertainly, slowly closing the distance between us. What the heck is he getting at?
He’s kneeling, looking at something he’s hiding behind his hand, but he looks up again as I reluctantly get down to his level.
“That’s your window up there, isn’t it love?” he asks, indicating the window above us.
I nod, not trying to hide my confusion. “Yeah…”
He returns the gesture, but slowly, sadly. “Alright. And these are yours too, aren’t they?” And he removes his hands to reveal two pill bottles.
I feel my heart stop beating at the sight of them. No. This can’t be happening. I can’t… they can’t… no.
I have to die. I just… I need to. I can’t take life anymore.
And anyway… when they find out about this, they’re… they’re gonna dump me. I don’t care how much of a loser I’ve been in the past, this is gonna be the final straw.
And I hate to admit it, but I’ve come to rely on them. Their posts on Instagram and Facebook, their texts that I hardly ever respond to… it’s kept me going the last few months. And I don’t know why. It’s just… I really felt like they actually cared about me. And that’s something I can say about no one else. But it’s gonna be gone now. Vanished, as quickly as Colton and Annie popped into my life in January.
“I…” I falter. What can I say. “They’re not… I didn’t…”
I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder, and look back to meet Colton’s tear-filled gaze. “You took them, didn’t you?” he asks softly. “That’s what’s wrong. You tried to…” But he chokes on the words and doesn’t finish the sentence.
“No!” I protest desperately. “No, I… I didn’t… it’s not what it looks like, I… I swear.”
“Lexi…” he whispers, as the tears begin to flow down his face. “It’s okay. I love you.”
And I feel myself break. The tears flow out in a rush, and I let my head drop, my eyes locked on the ground.
“There’s no ******** way, Colton!” I snap. “You can’t… you just…”
“I do,” he replies tenderly. “We all do.”
And, before I know what’s happening, he’s pulling me into his gentle embrace, and I’m crying into his shoulder. Luke’s arms wrap around me as well, and before I know it, they’re all holding me, the water on their own faces matching mine.
“I need to die!” I choke out desperately. “I can’t… I can’t do this anymore!”
“And you don’t have to,” Colton murmurs. “This ends tonight, Alexis. But it’s not gonna be by your death. God has such great plans for you, Lexi. I already know that.”
“No!” I sob. “No, I just… I just need to die!”
“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s gonna be okay. You’ll see.”
And I hear sirens approaching.
Everyone slowly releases me as Colton gently helps me to my feet. I shrink away from the front of the trailer, but he softly propels me back towards it.
“No!” I can feel panic threatening me. “I can’t! Just let me go.”
He shakes his head slowly, those tears still in his eyes. “I’m never gonna let you go.”