falling apart - l.r.h.

three

chapter three;

"Sorry for breaking that mug.." Calum apologizes again for the fiftieth time tonight, as he pouts his bottom lip.

"It's okay Calum, I didn't like that mug anyway!" I laugh it off as he hugs me once more, before following the other boys to the van. They all look back and wave at me once more. I wave back before shutting the door, I lean up against it before sliding down to the floor. I try to hold back my tears, but they began to fall from my eyes. I feel as if my heart is breaking with every breath I take. I clutch my chest tightly, breathing quickly. I begin gasping for air as it feels like my airways are closing. I let out a strained cry, as I try to get off the ground, to find the one thing that calms me down.

"Breathe, breathe," I repeat to myself. I push my way off the floor and lean onto the wall for support. My head begins pounding, and I wince as the light hurts my head worse. I finally turn the last corner, to my bedroom. I walk over to my stereo, turning on Mayday Parade. I begin to calm down to the sweet beginning melody of Ghosts. I begin rummaging around for the box of bathroom supplies and toiletries, which in this case included my blades. I reach up, trying to grab the top box. I finally reach up high enough and I pull the box to the ground. I rip open the box then pull out a towel and go to the bottom of the box pulling out my box of blades. I run to the shower, turn it on, then quickly pull the clothes off my body. I open the box and feel calmer now that I have my blades in front of me. I grab my sharpest one, then get into the shower. I stand there for a minute, letting the warm water relax my muscles.

we're gonna die

it's just a matter of time

hard times come, good times go

I'm either gone in an instant

or here to the bitter end

oh, I, I never know

Patrick Stump's voice always calms me down, but as he said I could be gone in an instant or the end will be bitter. I take the blade and drag it across my wrist, quickly, hoping the fast motion will make the pain come quicker. As always the pain gets stronger as the blood flows quicker. I welcome the pain because I just want to feel, instead of being empty. The tears fall down my face faster and faster as I cut deeper and deeper and more and more into my skin.

we're still,

we are alive,

here in death valley

I listen to the lyrics and drop the blade to the bottom of the shower. I rinse off the remaining blood, before stopping the shower. I step out, wrapping the towel around me. I dab at the cuts drying them first. I dry off the rest of my body then go to my closet to find pajamas. I grab a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I quickly get dressed. I walk over to my bed, and pull the comforter back, allowing myself to get under the covers. I shiver exceedingly as I listen to my music on shuffle.

every night she cries

and dies a little more inside

say you love me

nothing left inside

say you love me

and the silence will set her free

I breathe in and out deeply, hoping to calm myself so I can fall asleep. Soon enough, I find my eyes slowly closing and I let them as I drift into a deep sleep.

it was really short but people wanted me to update again so here ya go lovelies x

(new side note: demetria's name was changed to leila [im doing a rewrite])