falling apart - l.r.h.

thirteen

chapter thirteen;

As soon as I awake, the first thought in my mind is, today I have to see the counselor. I don't even know the person, if I can't open up to any of the lads, how could I open up to a complete stranger? This person won't care as much as Luke does, or as much as Ashton, or Calum, or Michael. I can't tell them all my secrets. I still haven't told Luke that I have hurt myself. I doubt he would still love me knowing that. Ashton and Leila would understand but Luke..probably never.

I pull the blankets off of me, and place them softly back over Luke, trying not to wake him. I grab one of Luke's red flannels from his dresser. I walk over to my suitcase, digging through to find some black leggings. I grab one of the fresh towels set out by the workers, then rush to the bathroom. I turn on the shower, then look into the mirror.

"How can I convince myself, that I'm worthy of life?" I mumble, pulling out the braid, my vibrant purple hair was tied in. I shake my head, laughing at the idea. I pull off the clothes I'm wearing now, then get into the shower. I wash my hair, seeing some of the purple coloring come out as the shampoo washes out. I rub the apricot face wash across my face, then rise it off. I then wash my body, as I look over all the scars across my body. They seemed to be everywhere, haunting me. I sigh, turning off the shower. I step out, wrapping the towel around me. I dry myself off quickly, then get dressed again. I stare at myself again in the mirror. I have no make up on so my eyes, seem dull and very tired. I unlock the door, grabbing my make up bag from the floor.

"Good morning, beautiful." Luke smirks, leaning against his dresser. I blush, running back inside the bathroom.

"I'm not beautiful, Luke! Especially without makeup!" I yell. I start to apply my make up, as he comes in. He stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck.

"You're very beautiful." He mumbles, his breath tickling my neck. I giggle, as I push his head away from my neck. Then I shake my head, going back to my make up.

"Luke, unless you want lipstick on your face, please let me finish." He tickles my sides, before moving away and sitting on the counter.

"Can I sing to you? It always calms down Leila..so I thought maybe it'd relax you before your appointment.. I just want you to be smiling and happy. I don't want to see you upset and down. I want to be able to be the one to say I put that smile on the pretty girl wit purple hair's face." Luke rambles on but I cut him off, grabbing his face between my hands, and kissing him gently. He rests his hands on my back, rubbing them up and down.

"Of course, Luke." I mumble against his lips, then press my lips onto his once again, before pulling away. I go back to doing my make up, as Luke looks at me dumbfounded.

"You're a strange one, Winters." He chuckles to himself, before leaving the bathroom.

"Where are you going?" I call out, as I put the mascara on my eyelashes.

"Getting my guitar, gorgeous!" I roll my eyes, putting the mascara away.

"I could practically hear you roll your eyes." Luke says as he enters the bathroom, with his guitar slung on his shoulder. I cross my arms, over my chest, staring him down. "Stop burning a whole in my head." Luke rolls his eyes this time.

"Luke, you're so obnoxious sometimes. How did I ever put up with you all those years?" I ask, as I turn on the straightener plugged into the wall.

"How did you ever refrain from grabbing my shirt and smashing your lips to mine, as you push me against a wall?" Luke whispers into my ear, as I go through my hair with my straightener. "Because that's all I want to do, right now.." He says in a husky voice, making me want to kiss him right then and there and never leave the room. I see him smirk in the mirror, as he begins to kiss my neck. I bite my lip, as I try to hold in my moans. He continues, as he moves more of my hair out of the way.