I'm going to be skipping out most people's tapes as I can't remember most of them, and also I don't want to just write a fanfiction which is almost exactly like the TV show, just with Ella.
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Then It was early Saturday morning, almost too early for my liking. I had to get out of that depressing house, my dad was gone way early this morning for a meeting and I was alone once again. I've gotten used to being alone, even with all of my so called 'friends' I always seem to feel alone when I'm at home. Zach and Hannah are the only people I can stand right now. Plastering a fake smile onto my face has become a frequent thing, and the only people who seem to notice when I'm upset are Zach and Hannah. I'm grateful for them, I'm hoping they're grateful for me too. I'm meeting Hannah at Monet's. She says she wants me too meet someone. As I arrive I see Hannah and Jessica. I know Jessica as we both have mutual friends, but I've never personally hung out with her, but from what I can see she's an okay girl. I walk up to their table, a genuine smile on my face. "Hey Hannah, Jessica." "Hey Ella." They both say. I pull out my chair and look at the menu. "Fuck it, I'll just have a hot chocolate." I say. They both laugh. "So, how come you two are hanging out?" I ask. "Couciling." Jessica says. I roll my eyes,"of course, they did the same thing with me and Ethan after our mom died, but the person they put me with was crazy, literally, they set fire to their own house." Hannah laughs,"damn, Jess you're not some crazy murderer, right?" She shakes her head laughing,"I wouldn't even know myself" I raise my eyebrows,"well then." We all laugh. "I'm gonna go and order." I say.
Now I sit at Monet's with the cassette player in hand, earphones in ears. I've listened to most people's tapes, as I'm almost at the end. I've got a feeling my tape will be next. I press the play button.
Hannah's voice rings through my ears and I feel an empty pit in my stomach.
Welcome back. So, you're still here? I'm guessing that because A your tape has already been played and you wanna see who's next, or B yours hasn't come yet and you're desperate to see who it is. Well, Ella Diamond, welcome to your majestical tape.
My breath hitches and I carefully pick up my coffee. I take a sip, dying to know what I did to Hannah which put me on these god damn tapes.
Ella. You are my best friend, well, were. That first morning we spoke, I felt like we connected. I mean we definitely did, or else you would've never spoke to me again. In my eyes, you were perfect, but we all know it doesn't matter what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts, right? But you see, you were perfect on the inside and the outside, and that's what annoyed me, because I knew that you must be broken somewhere, or else you would've never connected with me. I looked up to you, you had the perfect body, voice, hair, eyes. You were just simply amazing. And I was proud to call you my best friend. But when I found out about how broken you really were, I didn't know what to do. We were both broke, both fed up with how things were. All we did was complain and you couldn't see that if you didn't meet me, you probably wouldn't be as broken. I know this because you never used to tell anyone how you felt, and maybe in a way that was great, because for even a few minutes a day, you could feel happy, but that just wasn't the case with me, and I'm sorry.
I never thought I'd see the day you were jealous, but I did. The day Zach Dempsey asked me out. Of course I rejected him, you'll find out why soon, but for some reason that just wasn't enough for you. You and Zach have been friends since first grade, like you said, but what you didn't mention is that you've wanted Zach to be your boyfriend since 5th Grade. How do I know this you ask? Well let's just say a little buddy of mine told me. You never seemed like the jealous type, and I was surprised when you ignored me after school. You didn't want to admit that Zach just didn't like you that way and you refused to face me. That night I had no one to talk to, and that seems like a stupid reason right? But what you didn't know is that all I wanted to do was talk to my best friend, I wanted someone who understood me, and you left me. You only started to speak to me yesterday, and that was only a lousy,"hey, how are you?" You know what it's like to be lonely, so I'm sorry I was such a bad friend, but damn, you were a bitch. That's right. A bitch. And now you won't be able to do anything about that, because I'm gone. So thank you, Ella Diamond. I guess you were there for me most of the time, right? That's gotta count for something. Just so you know, you and Zach belong together, I see the way he looks at you. He never liked me. So, that's it, that's your tape done. Maybe we'll see eachother again.
P.S best friends forever?
I stare blankly at the wall. I killed my best friend because I was to busy prying for Zach. I grab the cassette and my jacket and head out the door. I walk home, slowly.
Tears start to flood out. Hannah's words ring through my head.
Bitch.
She wasn't wrong. More and more years flood out and I then see Bryce. He walks up to me. "Yo Ella what's wrong?" He asks. I shake my head,"if only you knew." "What?" He asks. "Doesn't matter anymore, I've gotta go." I say. "Well, see you at school?" He asks. "Maybe" I say, biting my lip. I feel the tears pouring down my face. That's when I start to run home.
As I enter I slam the door shut and see Zach and Ethan. Before they can see me I run upstairs and lock myself in my room, sliding down my door, I bring my knees to my chest. A couple seconds after I hear one of them run up the stairs. Zach knocks on my door. "You okay Ella?" He asks. "No!" I shout,"it's my fault! I left her and it's my fault! I should've been there! Fuck I'm such a bitch" I shout, tears pouring out of my eyes. "Let me in Ella." He says, calmly. I then hear Ethan run up the stairs too. I wipe some of the tears away, along with some of my mascara. I get up and slowly open the door. "Just Ethan." I say. Zach looks surprised, but just nods. I sit on my bed. "Those tapes, I'm on them. It's my fault. It's all my fault! I should've been there." I say. "It's not your fault." He says. "Yes it is. I was jealous because Zach asked her out and I left her alone! Hannah killed herself because she was alone, I wasn't there!" I say.
"Trust me, it's not your fault, it never will be." He says. I lay my head in his lap and he strokes my hair. "Why is everything so fucked?" I ask quietly. Ethan doesn't reply. "I can't face Zach." I say. "Why?" He asks. "Because he'll know, and he'll think I'm a bitch. Because I am." I say.
"I don't think you're a bitch, Ella." I hear Zach say. Ethan gets up and lets Zach in, he then leaves. Zach walks up to me. And crouches down infront of me. He strokes my cheek. "It's not your fault. If anything it's mine, I should've never of asked her out. I was using her, it was wrong, but the only reason I did it was because... well, I love you Ella. And not just as a friend." I sadly smile. "But it's too late. She's gone, because we couldn't admit that we loved eachother. How fucking stupid is that?" I say. He shakes his head and leans in. Our lips connect. "I love you Zach." I say.
"You're gonna be okay, Ella, we're gonna be okay." He says.
