NEVER NAMED

numb

He smiled and laughed with his family as they all move around him within the church filled with people. They joke laugh smile and talk about babies, play with babies, and eat their breakfast for Easter as he sits there silently with a fake smile etched onto his chubby, rounded face. His hazel green eyes looking around him aimlessly, only looking at his phone to type a dull response to the people that message him even though he doesn't want them to.

He wants to be alone, he wants to cry. Yet, he cannot. Not only because of the emotional blockage that is not allowing him to but the people surrounding him that would judge him, the people that would only glare, yell and tell him he had ruined yet another day with everyone. Yeah, like he would even want to cry even if he could. No one understands, no one knows, no one sees's. They don't understand the pain he feels knowing the one he loves doesn't want him after only a year in the relationship, know one knows the dull aching he feels in his chest from his emotional pain he feels inside, the dull ache of having to hide it from everyone or they all are to snap at him, no one see's the cuts that are scattered across his bloodied arms under his sleeves, the sleeves that have hidden such cuts many other times before.

They don't get how he feels, how the pain so deep, so horrible makes him feel so empty and numb within'. The cousin that he trusts with his life, he cannot trust with his emotions, he cannot tell them how he truly feels on the inside or they shall judge him, "I don't judge" are common words spoken by people who do not understand it is in their blood to judge. "I don't judge" are words spoken by people who do not understand that just because you except it doesn't mean it is easier to say to them. "I don't judge" are words spoken by people who fit into groups and can be called normal, those words are spoken by people that don't understand just how people really work.

A dark crimson liquid seeps into the jacket and no one will notice, for the jacket is red. Silent tears slip down his face that no one will see, for no one truly cares. His chest aches but he stays silent through all the pain inside, for who could he tell? That is the question most asked...is who.