just friends ; jalex

8

"how'd your date go?" jack asks when alex drops by his house that night. 10 pm, the latest he's ever arrived for their friday hangouts. but he wouldn't miss it, not ever.

"i mean," alex starts, and hesitates, "we kissed."

in an instant, jack is beaming. "look at you, dude! kissed two people in a week!"

"ah... yeah," alex mumbles, staring at the floor. the alcohol in his backpack is a million pounds, weighing him down like the guilt in his stomach. he's technically lying to lisa, isn't he? and in a second, he'll open his big fat mouth and lie to jack, too. "looks like i'm really getting around." he laughs awkwardly and pulls a beer out, cracking it open nervously. his hands are shaking.

jack leans over him to grab a beer, and alex feels his heart start pounding as usual. no amount of dates with lisa will change that fact, huh. "you are, dude. bet you didn't suck at it, either." he pops the tab and downs half the can in one go. "now that you've had, y'know, practice."

god, if jack doesn't shut up, alex is either going to kiss him or start crying, and he doesn't know which is worse. he pulls his knees to his chest and focuses on his beer. "i guess." 

"so is there a date 2?" jack asks, lying down on the bed, resting the can on his chest. no call of duty tonight, at least not before jack gets every last detail out of alex.

and to answer jack's question, yes. if it pleases everyone— alex will do that. he'll comply. see, jack? he can be straight. "if i haven't scared her off," he jokes, and jack laughs. just like old times. cracking dumb fucking jokes. god, loosen up, gaskarth.

he finishes his beer and immediately cracks open the whiskey. if he gets blackout drunk tonight, maybe he'll forget the date ever happened. maybe he'll get the taste of lisa off his tongue.

"you guys would make a cute couple," jack concedes, "and i would make a cute third wheel."

"you can be our chauffeur," alex offers, "drive us around in a limo."

jack ponders this for a moment. "i mean, i dunno where i'd get one." he takes a sip of his beer. "and no fucking in the backseat. if you do, i'm out."

trust me, jack, alex thinks, there's no way i'd want to.

"but other than that, sure," jack decides. "yeah."

"cool." alex nods and they lapse into silence, everything already said. 

well, not really.

alex so badly wants to blurt out the words playing on repeat in his head. to admit that it's not lisa he wants to date, it's jack, and could they please kiss again, because he's been going out of his mind for a week now. maybe if he thinks it hard enough, jack will hear, and kiss him. or alex'll end up saying it out loud, and jack will stare at him and kick him out of his house.

the latter's more likely, so he lets the whiskey burn his throat and numb his tongue, willing himself into silence. 

"so," jack chucks the now-empty can into the recesses of his closet. "tell me more. is she a good kisser?"

"sure," alex responds, you're better. "yeah, definitely not bad."

jack grins. "you don't have much room for comparison, i'm guessing."

"no, not really," alex admits, "only two people by 17 isn't that impressive."

the other boy gets up to turn the lights off, preferring the unnoticeable glow of the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. "well hey, that's more than me. i've got one, and it barely counts."

and that's referring to alex. god, he doesn't know whether he hates that kiss or loves it; whether it was his best decision or his worst. "ya think?"

"well," jack pauses, frowning. "i mean, i don't even know if i wanna count it as my first one. cause i always wanted my first one to be special, ya know?"

ouch, that hurts. "and what," alex teases, "am i not special enough for you?"

jack rolls over and props his chin up on his hands. "you're my best friend, dude, not my boyfriend. i'd want it to be someone i could date, realistically."

you can date me, alex thinks almost feverishly at the idea of it. i wouldn't mind. not in a million years. "well—"

he cuts himself short right there, about to speak what had been on the forefront of his mind. jack would have given him a strange look, laughed his ass off, and moved on. that's for certain. 

"now, zack and rian," jack is moving on faster than alex could've expected. wait, he protests silently, let's go back to talking about the theory of us dating... "those two, they've got it figured out. best friends and boyfriends. isn't that the dream?"

yeah, alex thinks, almost bitterly. "what are you implying, jack?"

"huh? nothing." jack sits up and leans against him, pulling the whiskey from his hands. "haven't you had too much, gaskarth?"

"no," alex mumbles. "i want all of it."

jack laughs nervously. "whoa, slow down, cowboy. that's not really healthy, ya know."

i don't want healthy, i want you, alex thinks, and almost laughs at the absurdity of that thought. "give it back," he whines, and tugs at the bottle. "anyway, i didn't know you were gay, jack."

"huhwhat?" jack is still concentrating on getting the whiskey away from alex.

"you said something about a boyfriend..."

"oh, right." he straightens up, giving up. "well, obviously, you turned me gay, dude. that kiss? i've been fantasizing for more all week." he smirks, not that you can see it in the dark.

"really?" alex's heart speeds up to match the heart rate of a mouse, 800 beats per minute, approximately. 

jack's laugh pierces the darkness. "i'm kidding, dude. i mean, i don't think i'm straight, but fantasizing about your ugly ass? you're out of it."

"right," alex laughs along with him, weakly. as if that's not what he's been doing all week.

god, he's so screwed, he decides, and takes a big sip of whiskey to confirm it.