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Tape Two, Side A.
THAT SPECIFIC TAPE had only reminded Cassie of the 'hot list.' The list that Alex Standall, one of Hannah's former best friends made to get back at Jessica. Before even listening to the tape, Cassie had known why Alex did what he did. The fact was, the weeks following the list Hannah and Cassie both had something in common, they had been made apart of the list without their permission. Being with Justin Foley at the time, people knew how to back off Cassie. After listening to Alex's tape, she learned nobody had made sure people knew how to back off Hannah.
Cassie realized she had people there for her, and even though it was difficult for her to show it, she was grateful for them entirely.
Tape Two, Side B.
Tyler Down. Every time he took a picture of Cassie whether it was by her locker, with Justin, or with a team member, he swore it had been for the yearbook. The truth for those pictures coming to light made Cassie sick. Has Tyler stood out Cassie's window before and, if so, how many times had Tyler watched her before she closed her blinds every night? It made her sick to her stomach, and suddenly Cassie needed to throw up her lunch. It was sad that Cassie was finally realizing the things that went down in Hannah Baker's life, yet she pushed her away before she could even meet her. Now she was finding everything out at once, and all she felt was guilt, confusion, and the tears that rolled down her cheeks endlessly after listening to the tape.
Tape Three, Side A.
The dance had been a special night for Cassie in sophomore year just as it would've been for Hannah if people hadn't screwed it up. Before the rumors spread around by Montgomery, Cassie and Justin had left to go back to her always empty house. For them it had been the best night of their relationship and quite possible one of the best days of her life, even if she couldn't speak for Justin. However, on the less greener side of the lawn, that night had been a disaster, starting with Courtney and ending with Hannah taking a drunk Jessica Davis home.
Cassie couldn't possibly understand why Courtney would do such a thing and ruin Hannah's already damaged reputation just because she didn't want to tell anyone she might be gay. Yet on the other hand, Cassie didn't know what it was like not to be liked by other people. She was her own person, and had flaws, but she was used to people acting positively towards her. In her own high school, she knew Courtney would've most likely been bullied, especially having two dads, but Cassie also knew a lot of people who would also support her, including Cassie herself.
❁❁❁
CASSIE LISTENED TO Hannah talk more and more about the reasons she took her life, starting from Marcus to Clay. She was devastated after each tape, because she was finally understanding how her life went wrong. It was all making sense now. Justin had led her on, made her feel important only to throw it all away with a rumor; he had broken Hannah's heart. Cassie had made her feel guilty and less respected of herself, something no girl should do to any other girl; she had lowered her self respect and broken part of her attitude. Jessica had formed a bond with her, one Hannah thought would never break, but it did and more devastating it was when it was over a guy; Jess, just as Justin did had broken her heart. Alex, Tyler, Courtney, and Marcus, each of them took apart of her with them as they dug into her reputation and destroyed it. Zach, whom Cassie never would've suspected under his coat of sugar and Ryan, who even though was a prick was thought to have some part of a soul beforehand; in the end, they both had broken her spirit.
[ A/N: 'I just want to make something clear. I decided to exchange Justin's second tape with Cassie's, except hers goes after Justin's first tape. This way there's still thirteen reasons why and six and a half tapes, plus Jess is Bryce-free that night in this story' ].
It was hard for Cassie to continue. It was late in the night when she packed the Walkman away, especially after her eyes grew heavy and fatigue washed over her. When she bundled herself under blankets, and pushed her head into her pillow she laid there in silence, contemplating things. Cassie felt tired, but her mind was elsewhere; some place where closing your eyes wasn't a thing and sleep was far away.
As she tried reaching someone on her phone seconds later, she could hear one ring, two rings—
"Cas?" A drowsy voice asked confused.
"I have two reasons left, Justin," she whispered, rolling over to face the ceiling in her bed.
Justin sighed, "are you okay?"
"Why couldn't someone have asked Hannah Baker that when she needed it? What if I hadn't been so pushy towards her that day? What if—"
"Cas, baby, if you keep saying 'what if's,' you're just going to keep beating yourself up about it. What's done is done, and I know maybe we could've done something more, but— it's too late, Cas, it's too late," he explained and a shuffling on the other line was heard on Justin's end as he moved around in his bed, too.
Cassie closed her eyes, "you're right. How do I finish the tapes though, I just— god, Tyler stood outside Hannah's window at night, and Marcus Cole called her easy? When did we go wrong?"
Justin didn't have an answer for her. Cassie didn't think anyone could have an answer for her, including Cassie herself. The earth was just round, and a cup of coffee at Monet's was just a cup of coffee at Monet's but Hannah Baker wasn't just Hannah Baker. She was lonely, and sad, and always reaching out for people who were too oblivious. How could Cassie realize this after she was gone and never to return? It was her final conclusion that nobody could deny: Hannah Baker deserved better.
