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THE NEXT DAY, Cassie found Clay sitting on one of the benches outside the high school. His expression was blank and his eyes were directed towards the ground in thought. His backpack sat in between his legs on the concrete sidewalk, and his hands were folded in his lap.
When she approached him, she started slowly, "Clay, can we talk?"
He looked up, and found her gaze locked and focused on him. She wanted him to know he had her undivided attention, and that she also wished to have his. She knew, however, that she couldn't demand it from him, only hope he would give her the time to explain.
"What's there to talk about? We all killed her, you're not an exception, because you're a cheerleader or because you're popular, Cassie," he almost snapped.
Cassie didn't know if she was allowed to sit down yet, but she needed to say something, and he needed to hear it.
"I don't think that at all, Clay, and if you would just hear me out, we could really resolve a few things," she explained, expecting a positive response.
"Yeah, okay," he shrugged.
Cassie nodded, and opened her mouth, "before the tapes even reached my doorstep, I had felt incredibly guilty after my dispute with her. It didn't happen when I heard the news about her death, no, I was already feeling sorry beforehand.
"The day I heard she had kissed Zach, I was hurt, way beyond hurt. I still can't find a word to describe how I was feeling, maybe wrecked, or devastated, probably both. I was mad at Zach for not seeing my worth, but I was also mad at Hannah, for associating herself with someone who was taken, and being a likely candidate for someone who could replace me. It sounds stupid, because there's always going to be someone out there that's better than you, but I was crushed to know my feelings weren't thought about in the first place."
"So, because you felt bad for yourself—"
"That's not it, Clay," Cassie bit back, and continued, "have you ever been replaced by someone? Ever been told you weren't good enough, but someone else was? I didn't take being thrown to the side easily, and I won't apologize for feeling that way. I know what I'm worth, and that's not it."
Cassie spotted Justin at the entrance of the school. He took a good scan of the courtyard until he saw her, knowing she saw him, too. Clenching her jaw for only a moment, she turned back to Clay to finish what she was saying.
"I didn't do half of what she said on those tapes. I'm not calling her a liar, because there are two sides to the story. I'm just trying to tell you that you didn't hear mine. Like I said, I was hurt, and I did approach her, that's the only truthful part on those tapes. I was upset, so I may have seemed vengeful, but I only ranted off on her about how she should keep her hands to herself and know all her facts first. I didn't send anybody after her, news spreads, and I'm a pretty decent person. People like me, and I may have control over that, but I'm usually nice, it's not something I fake.
