07 December 2011
I saw what Angelo has been writing. Haha! His stupidity made me smile—something that an average person can’t do in severe pain. I was admitted to the hospital after. My doctor knew that everything gets better in the hospital, but I still urge him not to put me in.
Angelo and Maria chose to stay beside me. Maria said that Tony never contacted, but according to the recent entry, the one that Angelo wrote, Tony called. Maybe there was a bad news?
Yesterday, I took an awful lot of tests which Tony’s family funded. It was irking me. I wanted to just take a rest in my room, not to be carried around the hospital in a wheelchair!
Angelo was the one that calms me down. He often tells me to ‘be patient or else your life will be cut short’, but for me, he was saying, ‘be patient, I don’t want you gone early’. Oh, this fuzziness inside me started when I read my diary. Now, I’m starting to see myself as a naïve little girl who fell into the bad hands of the big bad wolf.
I tried learning Italian from my Maria. I don’t want to spoil my surprise for Angelo. I was planning to do something—I’m not saying it for now, he might read this later. But, I bet it was fine if he knew. I might not reach the Christmas Eve.
*L’aria che respiro,
Che respirero
Anche senza di te
Quand’ogni notte guardero nel cielo
Lo stesso farei tu,
Pensando a me.
It was an Italian song—L’aria che respiro, was it? I tried making another song from it. And it’s halfway done. I just love Anna Tatangelo’s music. I loved her Profumo di Mamma that was about an expecting mother. It was great.
I was supposed to be getting my results today, but they said they’d show it to me by the next day. But, whatever it is—liver cancer, spleen, or entire body cancer, I hope that I’d be granted a longer life. I don’t want it to be less than a year. I want longer. But who am I to say when I am going to die? Only God can do that.
But, I’m still hoping I’d be given a chance to celebrate Christmas and give my only gift to Angelo…even if it will be a farewell gift…I hope the song I am going to make will reiterate in his mind…
Praying hard,
Suzanne
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* L'aria che respiro by Anna Tatangelo and Mario Biondi
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Suzanne's Diary
عاطفيةSuzanne Dodds always believed that she was like the mediocre people, but she realizes that she shines brighter when she already was in a brink of dying.
