Suzanne's Diary

Page Thirteen

                20 November 2011

                I felt betrayed for the past few days. I wasn’t in a mood to write actually until what happened yesterday.

                It was already dark and I couldn’t forget how Maria explained everything. Maria said that Tony had a relationship with his roommate in Milan—that’s probably why he went out for weeks. Tony tried opening it up to his parents—my parents-in-law—but he was easily overtaken by fear. Instead, Tony tells his parents that he will work in London, but was actually trying to run away from his boyfriend. Tony has probably sought me as his friend, to the extent that he would use me up ‘til I have nothing to give him. One factor that he married me early was probably the fact that he only wanted to show his parents that he got married. After that, I can be just left to rot.

                I headed for the kitchen, but I realised that my feet led me to a room. It was dark but placid. Ornate with paintings that were clearly not bought but self-made. The smell of turpentine spread across the room, but I found it as a pleasing scent that makes the room very fragrant. Laid peacefully in his bed was Angelo, clad in his pyjamas and sleeping hat—the one that seemed to look like Santa’s hat. His skin glimmered at the moonlight that passed through his translucent window. I suddenly caressed it.

                There’s a difference between the twins. Angelo’s eyebrows are darker than Tony’s. Angelo’s lips looks more luscious than Tony’s. Everything looks better. But I stopped myself. Why was I comparing this sleeping angel to my husband—who merely used me?

                Angelo squirmed at the touch. I remembered that my palms were cold due to the air-conditioning. I let out a quiet gasp. Crossing my fingers, I hoped he would wake up. Yet, fate seemed to be somewhere else. He surprised me as he fluttered his eyes open, calling out my name.

                “Suzanne? Why are you here?”

                I answered that I couldn’t sleep. He pulled me in closer to sleep beside him.

                “I can’t forget what Maria told me,” I cooed.

                 “It devastated me when I learnt about it too,” was his reply. He brought my head closer to his chest. I can hear his heartbeat drumming loudly against my ear.

                “Comfort me,” I whispered. He pulled away from me. I knew that he respected me as his sister-in-law. But if my good-for-nothing husband would just fly away after, I’d rather have Angelo as my new husband. I was so down at that moment that I had no control of my feelings. I admit. I love Angelo. Just because he is kind and gentle, not because he’s my husband’s twin.

                “I can’t do that,” he replied, “you’re married.”

                Then, I plunged in for a kiss. Then, things turned fast. Sparks appeared in front of my vision. My world was devoured in pure whiteness. I felt like I was dying and living at the same time.

                The next time I knew, I was protectively embraced by Angelo.

                Sinfully yours,

                Suzanne