ALIVE II

Four

She was happy and living a good life. I'm sure she did. I needed to remind myself that sometimes just to not go insane. She must still love me or at least have not forgotten about me right? She loved me. I loved her. That was real.

"She loved me." I mumbled.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

I knew this girl liked me, even loved me maybe. And I pretended I did too, but she disgusts me. I just needed a female body against mine to push back the loneliness. Why wasn't she here?

I got up from the bed and quickly put on my underwear. We had sex last night and it was fine. Physically it felt good, mentally I wasn't even there.

As I buttoned up my blouse, she got up from the bed and slowly shuffled towards me. I knew she needed something. I could tell by the way she rolled her lip in and scanned my body with her eyes. I am so weak.

"What do you want?" I asked her as she made a stop in front of me. She put her hands behind my head and sighed.

"Do you think I could maybe borrow the car today?" She said with a whiny voice.

"Fine, but don't trash this one like you did last."

"Thanks baby!" She giggled as she took the keys from the table and hopped out the door.

Weird girl. Gold digger for sure. I didn't care. I was lonely.

I grabbed my phone and my sunglasses from the kitchen counter and walked out the door. The sun was bright and a heat wave came over me. I put my sunglasses on and started to walk towards a busy street where I saw a car parked on the side of the road. Once I got closer someone opened the door and I got in.

"Did you get my message?"

"Yes, but I won't be able to leave just yet." I answered.

"Fine, but you're not gonna be here for long, so say your goodbyes if you have to and make sure you have you bags packed and ready to go."

"Sure." I said as I looked to my side.
She had her blond hair tugged in a ponytail and I couldn't tell what she was looking at because she had her sunglasses on.

"How is she?" I asked.

"She's fine, Harry. Don't worry about her."

How could I not? She was all I could think about. She would give me regular updates on how Rose was doing. I don't know why. Maybe she felt a little bad about what had happened. I was already happy knowing she was okay.

"Now get out and go do your rounds." She said as she leaned over me to open the door.
I got out and shut the door and she immediately drove off.

I started to walk towards a tiny store where I would usually buy my groceries. Everything I did was on automatic mode. I was empty. I did what I was told and if I had a day off I would either drink myself numb or fuck someone just to feel less empty. It never worked.

"Hola Maria." I greeted the lady behind the counter. She smiled at me as I walked in. I was looking for some things to cook tonight and I also realized I was out of condoms, so I threw a couple of packs in the shopping basket I was holding.

The bell from the door opening and closing rang and I heard Maria say something to someone in Spanish.

"I'm sorry I don't speak Spanish, do you speak English?" I heard a woman's voice. She sounded a lot like Rose and I felt a stinging pain in my chest.

"I'm looking for the address." She said. I looked over at the counter. She wasn't facing me. I could only see her back. She was skinny and was wearing a scarf over her hair. I looked over at Maria who was staring at me. I furrowed my eyebrows at her silently asking what was up. She told the lady to wait and walked from behind the counter over to me.

"The woman asks where this address is." She said pointing at a note.

"That is your address." She clarified and I opened the note. She was right it was. Maria was aware of the business I was in and her discretion was very much appreciated.

I looked over at the counter where the woman was still waiting. Who was that and why did she have my address.

"Thank you Maria. I'll take it from here." I said as I gave her the note back.

She nodded and walked to the back room. She always did that when she thought something would go down.

I slowly made my way over to the counter. She could be here to kill me, be a prostitute that I forgot to pay or maybe she was looking for someone else who might have lived at my address. Either way I had to be careful.

As I got closer I could see the shape of her body better now that she wasn't behind shelves anymore and as I looked at her it hit me.
No way. This can't be. I was scared for her to turn around. What if it wasn't her. But what if it was. I had two choices here. I could walk away. Or tap her on the shoulder and face what might be my biggest wish.

Before I could make up my mind she slowly turned around as she took off her sunglasses and my heart stopped. I guess hers did too because we didn't say a word. We just looked at each other and in a fraction of a second I realized something. She can't be here. It's not safe for her here. So without saying a word I walked out. Not even looking back I left. I heard her say my name so I quickly went around the corner and into a backyard where I fell to my knees.

She was here. Why was she here? How did she even find me? Oh god why did I walk away from her. This was all I wanted. Why would I walk away? Should I go back? No. I can't. She can't be around me. It's not safe for her here.

I got myself together and walked out of the yard and made my way back home. I was supposed to do my rounds, but it could wait. I needed to figure out what I was going to do about this. If they knew she was here, we'd both be in so much trouble. They can never know she's here. What if they'd already seen her? They have eyes and ears everywhere and if Diana was already tracking her to give me my updates, she must know she's here now. Fuck. I have to find a way to make sure she's safe.

In a way I was so happy to have seen her, but at the same time I was scared to death. I can't put her in danger again. But not being around her knowing she is so close is killing me. I've missed her so much.

I walked up to my house. It was small. It had white walls and wasn't in such a good shape but it was livable and I loved it. It was remote and no one bothered me here. This was the only place I could just be myself and be alone.
I opened the front door and threw my sunglasses back on the counter where the traces of this morning's breakfast were still visible. I'll clean that up later.

I walked over to the bathroom to take a shower. This heat makes me sweat and I felt gross. I turned on the shower, took off my clothes and got it. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I still couldn't believe she was here. After two years she was actually here and I walked away from her. I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to dry myself off and with the towel around my waist I walked back into the living room.

I heard a knock on the door and my heart jumped for a second. No. It couldn't be her. This place was hard to find if you don't know your way around here and she doesn't even speak the language. Maybe Theresa was already back and forgot her keys or something.

I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Hi."

"Rose.."