Harry James Potter and Jasper Whitlock Hale

Loves of My Life

By: LordOtoriTakeo on fanfiction.net

Pairings: Edward/Jasper/Harry
Rated: M

PoV: Harry

If you told me that in four months time I would find love and happiness in an isolated small town in America I would of laughed in your face. Things like that do not happen to me. Never have and never will. Alone and miserable is how I would probably spend my life. I'm a murderer, I killed a lot of people and not felt a thing. Sure they were all beyond evil, killing, torturing, raping and stealing. But nobody has the right to take a life and being told for the entire of my wizarding life that it was my duty to murder the murderer's, that the only reason I'm alive is to kill others and nobody else could kill or capture these people it does not make it right in anyway.

Infact it was probably worse. I switched off emotionally. I was a living zombie bent to the will of its masters. I didn't care, I didn't feel. I was the perfect weapon. No complaints from the zombie. Just don't ask him to hurt or kill anyone remotely innocent or you would face his wrath. It was probably the best defense mechanism I could come up with. I didn't want to feel so I didn't. Worked wonders.

I killed and killed and then killed some more without feeling one ounce of anything at all. I was praised for my commitment to the war. I was revered, feared, hated, loved, trusted and many other things but I felt none of them. I was the arrogant savior to the masses but for the very few who knew me knew it wasn't arrogance it was just nothing. A lack of any feeling at all. It scared them.

I killed the big bad guy at the end of the road. The monster was dead but was another one created in the process? A person who couldn't feel was surely a monster.

The wizarding world loved me after I killed the Dark Lord. Celebrations in my honor, offers of marriage or casual sex, people begging me to adopt their children. Hell I even got two public holidays in my name, the day I was born and the day I defeated Voldemort.

During all this I was sinking into a depression, and I was slightly happy it was my first feeling in a long time. With the depression came a feeling of being trapped and confused for some reason. I had no idea why and that confused me more.

Weeks passed without me noticing and it did not take long for things to change. I was starting to slowly feel again and the reverence the wizarding world had for me slowly disappeared and replaced with a growing fear and hatred. Reports of their hero going 'dark', as if I wasn't 'dark' already, came with increasing speed. Hate mail arrived, curses sent to me in envelops and howlers sent to me at any time of day.

It came to the point where I couldn't walk down the street to the bank, atleast the goblins liked me, without getting attacked, cursed and hexed. I defended myself and that lead to even more reported 'facts' I was going dark. I just had to get out of there or I would end up killing someone or maybe myself.

I don't know why I hadn't done it yet, killing myself would be beneficial to everybody involved but there was something in the back of my head telling me not to. That I still had something to live for and that thought always made me snort in laughter, I had nothing at all so what would I be living for? Still I did not kill myself instead I moved away from the magical world that was turning on me, with probable reason I might add. All this at the age of seventeen. It was to much.

I did some research and found a small town in America that had no magical community for miles. It was overcast and rainy most of the year so would suit my mood perfectly. I did not want sunshine and beaches. That would just not do. I packed my things, bought a house in the town that was called Forks. I didn't know then that that was where Lady Fate and Lady Destiny were going to continue messing with me and giving me a reward for putting up with their crap.