I can't believe we went from being so happy to so sad in such a short amount of time. I thought this was our adventure Simon? I thought you wanted this. I suppose I thought wrong.
These are my favourite ones, the ones where I didn't even know you were taking the picture...
August 15th 2012
4 months pregnant already.
It's going by way too fast and today we are finding out if it's a little boy or a little girl.
I'm beyond excited to find out but I'm not so sure about Simon anymore.
"Simon are you ready yet?" I ask him from the hallway as I put my shoes on, with great difficulty.
He doesn't answer but he walks out fixing his t-shirt.
As my pregnancy was moving along it was like Simon had stopped in time, he started to let himself go, he just didn't seem the same anymore but anytime I asked he denied it completely so I left it, not wanting to make things any worse.
He breaks me out of my thoughts, waving his hand in my face. "Let's go."
He grabs the keys and walks out to the car, he starts it up as I'm getting in and put my seatbelt on.
The drive is silent and tense which has become a bit of a constant lately but I still keep quite.
I rest my head against the window, looking at everything pass by, just like my life.
After another five minutes of agonising silence between us, Simon finally pulls into the hospitals maternity unit.
I get out of the car with some difficulty as my bump is quite big now.
"Are you excited babe?" Simon asks.
"Of course, are you?" I say with a smile as he takes my hand in his.
"Extremely." He replies.
And again, silence.
We are silent waiting for the midwife, we are silent when she calls my name, we are completely silent until she tells me the sex of our baby.
"Congratulations you guys, you have yourself a beautiful baby boy!"
Tears immediately fall down my cheeks, happy tears of course and I look over at Simon who is now also crying.
"Thank you Adele."
"What for?"
"For giving me a son, I love you."
"Oh baby! I love you too."
The happiness between us did not last long but I already knew that it wouldn't.
When we get home I head straight for the sofa, wanting to put my feet up and look up boys name on the laptop.
"Adele?" I hear Simon say from the kitchen.
"Yes lovey?!" I say, not wanting to move.
He walks in and smiles a tight smile, that's another thing that's become very constant, the right smiles, fake laughs, maybe even fake love.
He walks over to one of our drawers and places his finger up, telling me to stay put.
"Stay right there."
"Uh ok."
I sit for a moment, just looking at the laptop, not seeing any names that I like but still scrolling through the website.
After a few minutes Simon drops something on my lap and I jump.
"You gave me a fright ya big lump!"
He laughs, his fake but almost convincing laugh and I almost burst into tears when I look at what he dropped, yet another Polaroid picture.
"You're so effortlessly beautiful." He says and I smile at him.
"Come on let's pick baby names!"
Hi guys I'm sorry this is late and it's a bit rushed I'll be honest I had a bit of writers block😩 also if you are confused about anything in this story please do ask.
