Want what you can't have (TEACHER/STUDENT) 18+

Chapter 11 - MEMORIES

I wake up feeling quite fresh. That's for about a minute until I remember what exactly had happened last night, I rush downstairs to see if my mam was already up; to be tripped up as soon as I leave my room. I hit my foot and fall down the stairs, falling on my arm at the bottom. I feel a sharp pain in my shoulder and grab it, hissing in pain. I wiggle it around and luckily the feeling started going away. I slowly picked myself off the floor to see what I had tripped on.

I turn around and see two big suitcases at the top of the stairs. My heart feels like it stops there and then; I start feeling dizzy and have to grab on to the wall to keep me upright. It is then that my mam comes out from the kitchen; eyes red and puffy from crying all night. And comes to my side, she looks at me and at the suitcases and squeezes my shoulders. I don't look at her, Im too afraid if I look away I will fall to the ground.

My breathing seems to stop as I hear my fathers foot steps stomp out of the bedroom and the bang of him slamming the door behind him. He grabs the suitcases at the top of the stairs, and as he walks past me; he stops as if he's going to say something, looks straight in to my eyes and walks straight past me and out the front door. I hear his car pull away from his usual spot in the driveway and speed down the street.  After that there was an eery silence, I try holding on to the sound of his car, replaying it over and over in my head; knowing I may never hear it again.

As soon as I break from my thoughts and my mam begins walking away to the kitchen with a cup of coffee in her hand as if nothing was wrong, is when everything hit me. Tears begin to form in my eyes, my vision becomes blurry. I slide down the wall and sink to the floor; bringing my knees up to my chest sobbing violently.

I sit there weeping like a small child, remembering the times when I was upset and my dad would take me Jack and Casey to the 'ice cream palace' down the street, carrying me on his shoulders. I would get the same cookies and cream with chocolate chip ice cream every time; and he knew it was the only thing that could cheer me up. After he would take me home and we would curl up on the sofa with his famous hot chocolate and he would let me make him watch princess diaries over and over, until I was happy.

Thinking about all the good times we shared seems to make the situation a whole lot worse and I try thinking of all the bad things, like when he would shout at me for the simplest things after he came back from work; and how sometimes he would get angry at me and mam and go straight to bed and not speak to us for a while. And when I got older when mam would cry because he would get back from work late, and she'd be worried and he didn't care. I stop crying when I think about all of the times he would leave for hours, and tell us he was just going shopping.

That's when I realise all the small things that were wrong with my mam and dads relationship, all of the things I hadn't noticed when I was younger. All of the things that were building up to the this day, but I couldn't see.

I drag myself up, my eyes dry from crying out all my tears. I run upstairs and lie on my bed, I watch the office to try and cheer myself up; that's when I check my phone. My stomach feels strange when I read Jacks name. It's been so long since his name has been on my screen that it brings back fond memories. I bring my shaky hand up and click on the text. I keep one eye closed, worried for what was to come, but excited.

Jack: Im sorry to here that. Jack

My shoulders dropped when I read the short text. In the back of my mind I knew he would be pissed at me for not contacting him in 2 years but I didn't think he would care enough to be blunt with me, especially in the circumstances that I was texting him. I was at least expecting him to ask how I was doing. I feel angry inside that I thought it was a good idea to text him in the first place. Dick. I contemplate on wether or not to sent him another one back. After a while of thinking I decide I would.

Me: I'm glad you're here to make me feel better, what would I do without you. Renee

I read the text over and over, thinking about all of the ways he could read it. Overall the only way I would read it is sarcasm and if he doesn't then he's s fucking idiot. I hit send and click off the screen; that's when I remember the text I got from Unknown (aka Mr Ross)

Unknown: remember your homework for Monday or it's a one hour detention with me after school, not sure wether you'll forget it on purpose. Just for the quality time with myself;)

I read it, and I can't help but smirk. He thinks he's something else, I decide to go along with the joke, I can't let it slip now even when I'm having a crisis in my life. Believe it or not this may be my only source of any sort of humour, except from Casey of course.

Me: oh Mr Ross you do come up with the most absurd ideas. But I'm not holding anything against myself, I may just have to do so.