RinTori fluff (*'∇｀*) [Free!]

Equally Returned Love

My life is shit because I deserve it, right?

-

He's anxious. He's annoying. He can't breathe, he's shaking. His mind is hurting - can thoughts ache? How can they even be a thing that exists to ache? You can't touch thoughts, but he can. Oh God he can.

He's sad again, mad again. He's a secondary character in his own motion picture.

He saw him again today. The boy, that boy. His blood red hair with a dash of pink, tucked behind his ear, curving around his jawline. Most of it is straight but the ends curl up - does he straighten it?

He goes out for coffee every day by himself. He stares at his reflection in the dark liquids, scowling. He hates himself he hates himself he hates himself. He'll never be loved back.

Love, is that what he's feeling? He can't feel his toes or his legs or his fingers when he sees the red boy, his mind goes blank, even the bad thoughts. 

He can't be real. The red boy can't be real.

Of course he is. He doesn't love him back so he is real.

Am I real?

If the red boy wanted him he'd come, but he won't. He's invisible to him. Find comfort in yourself, in someone else, someone who knows you exist - but who the fuck would realise he exists?

He spoke to him today, he fucking spoke. It was jumbled and awkward. Red boy asked to join his coffee session - how does he know?

He loves him he loves him he loves him.

Each word is a constant reminder he will never be loved back. He's so engulfed in panic he forgets to leave a thank you note for the waitress - he goes home and hurts himself.

Red boy becomes Rin but we'll keep him red boy. He fucked up and called him red boy but refused to explain his mind and its processing.

They get together, he gets together. Something in him clicks and suddenly he's smiling, he's smiling. He can feel.

He loves him and he loves him.

Will it end? He'll fuck it up, he's bound to, people like him don't get good people. He wants marriage.

Exactly one month later he opens up and says to him, he explains to him, he breaks down in front of him. He pours himself out. He's a swimming pool with windows, leaking, leaking, breaking.

He's gone. 

And then

he's gone.