Janoskians One-Shots

Twitter Breakdown

Based on Jai's tweets a couple weeks ago about being unhappy and in a really bad state of mind for the last few years. He basically confirmed his depression without using the actual word. Also, since May is mental health awareness month I thought this would be perfect!

Week 1: self-care and well-being

Jai had a breakdown the other day. I don't know how or why it happened, but he ended up admitting things in his tweets that he hadn't even told me. I thought we told each other everything, but apparently he was still sad. I thought he hadn't gotten over whatever was wrong with him a couple years ago, but really he had just been suffering in silence this entire time. I felt like a horrible brother just knowing that. I had always been in tune with his emotions. It was a weird twin thing. However, this time I hadn't noticed anything. He had hid from me of all people, and that shouldn't have ever happened. I remember what the first tweet that caught my eye was,

@JaiBrooks1: When can anyone be happy, when can I be happy?

I thought that was weird in itself. At the time, I hadn't even realized that Jai was upset again. I had summed it up to him trying to be inspirational and deep again, which he does do occasionally. However, his second tweet completely changed my mind.

@JaiBrooks1: when you're young life is full of so much, so much excitement for even the smallest things. When can I feel that again?

I was already alarmed at that point, but when the other tweets started appearing, my fears were brought to life. Something, was wrong with Jai. I had ignored all of the signs, but he wasn't okay at all. I should have known something was wrong the second I noticed him faking smiles and looking self-conscious when no one was looking. I definitely should have noticed something when he started to lose all of that weight he lost a few months back. He was already skinny enough, but he had trimmed down even more on top of that.

Sighing, I stood up and decided to go talk to him. My twin brother needed me and that was obvious. We needed to have a long talk about what he's doing to himself and how that's harmful for him. I let myself into his room, not bothering to even knock.

"Jai, we really need to talk." I sighed. His head immediately jerked up to look at me from where he was laying on his bed. He moved to sit up as I walked over to him. He had his phone in one hand, so I took it from him and glanced at the screen. Jai was actually in the middle of typing another tweet talking about how worthless he was.

"Whatcha need, Lukey?" Jai asked, faking a smile. I saw right through that smile and we both knew it.

"Are you okay? I saw your tweets Just now..." I trailed off. The smile immediately melted off of Jai's face at my question.

"I'm fine Luke. I was just..." Jai let out a sigh and buried his face in his hands. "I shouldn't of done that, but I just couldn't take it much longer."

"Take what much longer, Jai? Come on, you need to talk to me." I pressed, grabbing Jai's chin and tilying his face to look at me.

"Being a disappointment. All's I ever do is let the fans down, and that only causes me to hate myself even more." Jai admitted. That definitely was news to me. I never knew that Jai hated himself. I was surprised and hurt all at the same time.

"Why do you hate yourself?" I couldn't stop myself from asking. I thought I knew Jai like the back of my hand, but apparently I didn't. I had no idea why he hated himself. I never even knew he did in the first place.

"Because I...just forget about it Luke." Jai looked away from me, refusing to make eye contact. He but his lip nervously and started to play with his fingers. These were tell-tale signs that he really didn't want to tell me. We both did those things whenever we were nervous.

"Jai, will you please tell me. I'm your twin brother and I deserve to know." I begged, making big puppy dog eyes. I hated to pull the twin card on him, but I felt like I needed to know what was going through his head.

"It's just..." Jai finally relented. "I feel like I shouldn't be here. I feel like I'm just a waste and you and Beau always have to deal with me and my weird mood swings. You shouldn't have to do that. I know I'm a burden and I really only ever annoy you-"

I cut Jai off by slapping him.

"Don't you ever even think those things about yourself again. You're my brother and I love you more than life itself. I couldn't survive without you. So, don't go putting yourself down like that."

"Thanks Luke." Jai smiled a genuine smile at me, and to be honest, I don't remember the last time I actually saw one on his face. "Sometimes, I just need to be put onto perspective."

"Trust me, if I catch you thinking those things again, you won't need to be put back into perspective." I threatened. Jai chuckled at me before becoming serious again.

"Honestly, I am trying to fix myself, but these things take time. It doesn't help that I have so many people hating on me because I'm so inactive on my social media."

"Ignore them, Jai. You're well-Being is more important than what they have to say."

"I realize that Luke, I just need to remind myself of the good things in life once in a while so I don't drop down again."