Folie

Act II, Scene 4

Tension stifled the room as Dallon leaned in towards Patrick's face, his body aching from hesitation and discomfort as he held the smaller boy in his arms. Brendon scowled from the edge of his director's chair, unwilling to watch a recreation, however fictional this time, of that first, wretched kiss. Patrick, in response to both Dallon's tension and Brendon's rage, fell limp in the older boy's arms, too nervous to take any control of the situation.

In a blink of an eye, they kissed, and Dallon pulled away from the unsuspecting Patrick, who almost fell over as the arms that held him suddenly let him go. Brendon, still fuming, declared rehearsal over, and Dallon rushed out the door in desperation for solitude. However, just as he walked into the hallway, another figure rushed past him and into the men's restroom. Curious, he followed the figure.

He could hear a soft crying in one of the stalls, and a sense of déjà vû washed over him as he remembered this happening just a few days before. He debated if he should say anything. He barely knew Brendon, but at the same time, he really wanted to help him. He seemed to calm him down somewhat when he last found him in the bathroom a week ago; maybe he could help him again now.

"Brendon? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said between sniffles, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You sound kinda' upset."

Brendon became silent, and a few seconds of stilted silence passed. Then, the stall door slowly creaked open, revealing a very swollen-faced Brendon.

"I'm not-hiccup-I'm not okay," he admitted.

"What's wrong?" Dallon asked softly.

"It's, hiccup, it's just... stress about the musical," he lied.

"Oh, well that's understandable. It is a lot for one person to put on," he said.

"Yeah," Brendon chuckled, "it is."

"I will say you're doing a pretty damn good job, though. There are grad students who've done less than what you're doing now, and they're not even as good as you. I'm jealous, honestly."

A tiny smirk flashed across Brendon's face. "Well, hiccup, I can teach you my secrets if you'd like."

Dallon laughed. "Sure, wanna go get coffee with me right now? We can talk about the magic that is Brendon while we're there."

Long plagued by a violent, torrential hurricane, a glimmer of happiness began to finally penetrate Brendon's tortured psyche.

"Sure."

---

"And I was like, haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?" Brendon said as Dallon began laughing.

"'Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door'... I think that'd make a great line in a song."

"Yeah, you think so?" Brendon replied, "maybe I'll write my own musical next."

"I have to say, I'm having a really good time out with you right now, even if it's just us getting coffee," Dallon chuckled as he took a sip.

"Me too. Honestly, I'm feeling a lot better now from having such a good time," Brendon said, and he meant it this time. His anxieties and insecurities had almost completely melted away from spending time with Dallon. Almost.

"I'm glad. I don't blame you for being so stressed, though. I know I said this before, but a three-act musical is a huge amount of work for one student to direct and act in."

Brendon glowed with pride and a sense of worth as Dallon spoke. He couldn't help growing more and more attracted to Dallon on a deeper level than he had before, as he continued showering him with words of validation.

"Is there anything else bothering you, though?"

Brendon hesitated. He felt so comfortable with Dallon that he really wanted to tell him the truth, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet. The time would come soon enough.

"No, that's it. What about you, though?" Brendon said, hoping to deflect any more questions, "how are you feeling? I only ask because you kinda rushed right outta rehearsal."

"Oh, that? Um, it was nothing."

"You sure?"

Now Dallon hesitated. He too felt really comfortable with Brendon, and he really wanted to confide in someone about the issues that kissing Patrick had brought up. Did he know Brendon enough to tell him, though? Wouldn't Brendon feel awkward, since Patrick was his friend? Dallon did need to tell someone, though, and Brendon was the only person whom he felt he could confide in right now.

"Well, you see, I don't know if Patrick told you this, but we sorta' made out a few weeks ago, and it's been on my mind ever since."

Brendon began to tense up again. He could feel the storm coming again. Dallon didn't notice, however, and he continued his story.

"It's not that I don't like Patrick. I mean, he's really sweet and charming and everything, not to mention super fucking adorable," he hesitated, just as Brendon was feeling nauseous, "but that's just it. He's adorable. Adorable in a way that reminds me of someone else."

"Who?" Brendon managed to utter.

"My ex. We broke up just before I started going here. We were supposed to move here together; in fact, we were even talking about marrying someday. But he just wasn't ready for a relationship, in the end. Neither of us were. He needed me, and I needed him to need me. We became dependent on each other, and, as much as we loved each other, we realized what we had wasn't healthy," Dallon admitted, and as he spoke, Brendon noticed a whirlpool of tears beginning to pool together in Dallon's ocean irises. Sadness began to replace the anxiety he felt earlier, as he began to feel empathy for Dallon.

"So, we broke up. It hurt us both so much. It still hurts me. So many times have I wanted to beg him to come back to me, only to put down the phone, knowing I just can't do that anymore. Knowing- knowing that even if I did, he wouldn't want us back together again," he sniffled.

"Sorry, I can't believe I just dumped all that out on you," he laughed wistfully, "anyway, my point is, that's why I can't go any further with Patrick. He just reminds me too much of him. I feel so shitty though; I was the one who kissed him, and now I don't even have the decency or courage to talk to him, much less explain this whole situation."

Now, Brendon felt a mixture of feelings. On the one hand, he felt relieved that Dallon didn't want to go any further with Patrick. At the same time, though, he felt terrible for Dallon and the situation he went through with his ex, and he even felt sympathy for Patrick, who probably felt hurt when Dallon stopped talking to him. Not to mention, Patrick didn't deserve to have his hopes dashed just because he brought up old baggage for Dallon. And, despite his best efforts to think more positively, he also felt insecure that even if Dallon decided he did want Brendon, he would probably only want him as a rebound from both his ex and Patrick, his obvious first choices.

"I'm really sorry about what you're going through," Brendon said, reaching over to place a hand on Dallon's arm, "I can see why you're still hurting from that, anyone would be. But Patrick's a pretty understanding and sympathetic guy, I'm sure if you just sit down and try to explain all this to him, he'll understand."

"You think so?"

"Yeah. I do," Brendon smiled.

"You're a really awesome friend, Brendon."

"Thanks," he replied, wincing at Dallon's last word.