Heartbreakers (To Be Published)

Chapter 3

Ash

December 1997

The ceiling fan keeps whipping round and round. I'm losing focus so I just close my eyes. I envision myself holding on the blades of the fan as it swingings me around. I hold on to the fan like I'm holding onto my life. I squeeze my eyes tighter as I drift off.

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I hear three knocks at my door and its taking everything in me not to yell at the perpetrator who is stealing my sleep. Dragging me away from my happy sweet dreams of Jami.

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I take a deep breath and roll out of bed and drag my feet to the door. Opening I see my mother Grace standing in front of me with a letter in her hand.

"Honey this just came for you. I recognize the handwriting. I hope it brings you some peace. Let me know if you need to talk." Kissing my cheek she hands me the letter and turns to leave.

I call after her, "Mom! Thanks!" I give her a half smile and she returns the gesture.

After she turns the corner I walk back into my room closing the door behind me. Sitting at my desk I look at my little sister Tillie blowing giant bubbles in the front yard. I stare at the letter in my hand like it's a bomb about to explode. But the explosion will be in my heart once I read all the words that will gut me.

I count to three and rip it open. It's a Christmas card with Charlie Brown sledding with Snoopy. Peanuts are my favorite. The memory that floods my brain assaults me. Jami......

I open the card and brace myself for her words.

"Merry Christmas Ash. I pray all the wishes come true. xoxo Jami"

I throw the card on my desk and storm out of my bedroom.

"Mom, I'm headed to the gym. I'll be back for dinner." I grab my phone from the counter charger.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Meeting me in the mud room she assesses my face.

"Nope, not in the least. It's not important and I'm late meeting the team." I calm down because none of this is my mother's fault.

"Ok honey. What would you like for dinner? I pulled out pork chops for you." She stands wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.

"Whatever you make is fine. I'll be back in a couple of hours." I shove my feet into my Nikes, grab my keys hanging and open the garage door towards my car.

Heading to the gym Jami floods my brain. All consuming and powerful as she is and always will be. That Christmas card tells me she is safe, but it doesn't tell me if she is happy. I'm not happy. I need her and she has left me all alone. I keep trying to stop myself from picking up the phone to call her. Her number is still the same. She used to pick up when I called before but never said a word. I could hear her crying. I drive faster fueled with hurt and frustration. But I guess hurt than feel nothing at all. So I lift weights and leave everything on the gym floor.

Its a quarter after one when I reach the gym. I need to work out to get these memories away from me. Basketball season is about to start and I must be on my 'A' game. Coach has set us up on two a days. Practice in the morning and weight in the afternoon.

I'm late for our one o'clock session and I know the team will be pissed because I'm their captain after all.