Outcast

X

I climb back up the windows and back into my bedroom, no one was in the house, dad was probably at work and mom was probably shopping with my sister. My brother was probably still asleep.

All I've got to do is be normal, right?

**

Tuesday.

"Ethan get the fuck up for school" the bellow of my mother echos up the stairs

"I'm fucking coming no need to shout Jesus Christ" I shout back

"No need to yell and speak to me like garbage fuck sake"

I mentally sew her mouth shut and roll over. I had a text from Ben reminding me that i had a meeting at 10 with him and Mr. Richmonds which definitely motivated me for today.

not.

I pull on my jeans, a white t-shirt and button up my school shirt. I hated this uniform, not that I ever wore it properly. Jeans weren't allowed but I wore them anyway because I didn't own any school trousers. Nevermind spending £40 on a blazer I hardly wore, we'll save £20 on a pair of trousers and I'll wear jeans. No one ever commented on it though so I didn't see the problem.

I sling my bag over my back and grab my shoes, black converses. Again - wasn't allowed but here we are. I swipe a simple black hoodie off the floor of my bedroom and put it on; grabbing my tie on the way.

"Where the fuck is your blazer?" Mother demands as I reach the kitchen "and your tie? where the fuck is your tie?"

"In my bag" I hesitate

"and that jumper? you're not fucking wearing that to school. Take it off or I'll
remove it from your scrawny little body"

Every inch of me had to refrain from walking over to the counter, grabbing the knife and viciously stabbing her body until there was no more space left to slash open.

Calm Ethan. Breath Ethan. Splashing Ocean and Calming Wi-

"Are you even listening to me?" She screams

Fuck the calmness

"Of course I fucking am? All I can hear is your fucking voice. I'm 16 I can get myself ready for school Jesus. Just lay off"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that-" I start to walk out the door to the carpark "-Don't fucking walk away from me, we're not fucking finished he- Fuck off to school then"

I hop onto my bike and go. I didn't need to be at school until 10am. I head towards the little alcove of a beach we had, it was high tide and the water glistening against the sun.

Paradise

It was nice to just escape for a while. No screaming parents. No kids trying to fuck up your day. It was peaceful.

I could feel my phone vibrating in the pocket of my jeans.-

Ben Winterman.

I press the green button to answer it

"Hey" Ben replies quite happily from the other end "You didn't text me back and I didn't know if you were up or what"

"I'm awake Ben" I confirm

"What's up? You don't sound alright"

"It's nothing"

"No. It's not. Meet me outside Starbucks. Coffee's on me"

"Ben honestly I'm fi-"

"Ethan. 5 minutes. I'll get you a latte"

The line ends and I smile whilst looking at the ground. Ben was a sure pain in the ass but he could be real nice. Luckily I was close to the Starbucks Ben enjoyed going to, it was on the corner of the out town bookshop. He'd come here to find love interests and I'd come to find books. One of us never had luck, I'll leave it to you to guess who.

I see Ben's Defender parked out front and him sat on a park bench facing outward towards the road. He was too busy on his phone to notice me sit down in front of him. I didn't say anything until he looked up.

"Jeez Ethan, you could've killed me" Ben exclaims

Weird that... Don't think I could get away with it two days apart.

"Sorry... Must've been reading something good" I apologise lifting my leg over the seat and sitting down.

"Just reading about some kid, Devin Paulo. Jumped from an abandoned hotel just out of the city. Interesting read that."

Oh yeah? Bet I could give you more details about what actually happened.

"Local?"

"Yeah... Well, who knows these days"

"That can be considered racist Ben"

"I'm out of office hours. And I'm a dick" He drinks from his coffee cup "What happened to your face?"

"Nothing" I abruptly look down and shrug off

"Ethan, who'd you fight with over the weekend"

Devin

"Ben honestly, it's nothing."

"If you insist-"

"I do"

"What happened this morning?"

"What?"

"This morning? On the phone you sounded... Distant"

"Oh uh... just an uh... I argued with my mum. Again"

"Over what this time?"

"She shouted at me, I shouted back. She didn't like that I had a voice and shouted back at her."

"Will you ever get along?"

"Probably not"

I drink the latte in front of me, the milky texture sliding down my throat made something in me feel whole; as if this was all I had been missing my entire life. I could hear cars zooming past me and couldn't think anything but

Boy wouldn't it be great if one of them accidentally zoomed into me and crushed my body instantly?

I wasn't suicidal, but if a car managed to hit me or I fell out of a window - it wouldn't be such a bad thing. I'd struggled with this stuff before, when I was 12 and I managed to get out of it. I promised myself back then I'd never let things get that bad again. So far they haven't, but like always it's going to be an action packed preview before the actual shit-storm gets produced.

"Ethan, you look deep in thought. A wondering mind is never a good one"

"I'm just... thinking"

"about what?"

"About what it'd be like if my life were different"

"Ethan, we've talked about this and came to the conclusion it's not a fun place to be."

"Ben... Why can't I just be normal?"

"Because Ethan" He coughs "If you were normal, I'd be out of a job and you'd be the most boring person ever."

Is that a compliment or what Ben?

Ben liked to think he was funny - He wasn't.

"Gee thanks"

"Not a problem" Ben downs the rest of his cup and looks at his watch "Right, I've got an appointment in 15 minutes. Meet you at school at 9.45?"

"I'll save you a spot"

He smiles before giving me a high five and walking off to his car. What was I supposed to do for 2 whole hours?

Could go for a run? Maybe get in a bit of Surfing? Or I could go home and massacre people on Grand Theft Auto? Sounds more fun.

I walk over to my bike and get on, the seat rather warm compare to the bench. I start the trek back home. Hopefully everyone had gone by now.

**

I pull into the car park, everyones car had gone. Finally the house to myself. I walk in the front door and up the mass flight of stairs to my bedroom, switch on the tv and grab the playstation controller off my desk.

Finally time to just, chill.