Outcast

Frayed

"Ethan?" Mr. Reed says as he looks in my direction, I stop staring out of the window and lock eyes with him, "How is everything?"

"Yeah, uh-" I clear my throat "-it's good, really interesting class."

"No Ethan I mean, How is everything"

I look at him, his face concerned. Here's a little backstory for you, Mr. Reed was the guy way before Mr. Richmonds came along. He would always be there for me - we'd discuss anything. He'd understand my mood swings, notice when I just needed a bit of time. He kept note of my outburst and made a point of asking me how I was. If I got kicked out of one class, he'd put me in his for that lesson.

But this felt forced.

Like he knew something was up.

"Y'know, same shit different day" I awkwardly laugh

"How's home life? Everything.... Okay?"

"you know me sir. life doesn't change"

"School work okay? Your essays have been a bit down lately and you've hardly been in school. Have you been sleeping Ethan?"

"Mr. Reed plea-"

"You're right, I'm sorry... He looks down at his feet and then slowly raises his head, "Do you need a hand or do you have everything sorted..."

I shake my head, he leaves and helps someone two rows behind me.

As much as I'd like to agree for him to help me, I didn't want to let him into what my life had turned into.

When he knew me in year seven, I was quiet and didn't say much. Year eight I became more vocal, I'd argue more and wouldn't feel bad about it. Year nine, I started getting physical with other students, not so much fighting but more arguing, pushing and shoving. Year 10, I was becoming harder and harder to deal with, my mood swings were far too frequent and my head was all over the shop. I was depressed and didn't see much point in living. And then Year 11, the year that is the be all of all years, I am more violent than ever and not just with students. I fight back the teachers, all these uncontrolled emotions taking over my body. All these un-dealt issues controlling my head. Trying to resolve them with Ben wasn't getting me anywhere either.

An hour a week wasn't doing shit.

"Ethan?" Mr Reed clicks in my face, I swat his hand away angrily "Lesson ended five minutes ago... why are you still here?"

I stare at him before realising what he'd just informed me. Slowly, I close my book and grab my rucksack that I carried everywhere.

"I'm sorry for disrupting the start of your lesson" I apologise

"Ethan, it's fine. If you ever need to talk please, please just come and talk to me." He insists as I walk out of his door.

I walk down the corridor and to my locker, put in the combination and open it. All that was in here was a lighter, some books of homework that I'd obviously never completed, a hoodie scrunched up in the corner and a full box of cigs... I meant to sell these ages ago. Oops. I shut my locker and get up whilst avoiding hitting my head on the open locker above.

"Excuse me, Ethan?" a tone that sounded rather like Mr. Platt bellows behind me "Have you got a few minutes?"

I hesitantly turn around and look the at tall man stood in a purple jersey and a loose tie. "I've got a few seconds to spare"

He holds out his hand gesturing me to follow him, which leads me into his air-conditioned office that was painted blue; unlike any other room. He motions for me to sit in the chair but I reject and remain stood.

"How is everything Ethan? You doing well? Coping? How's home? Good? Your brother still in that band of his? And your sister? Still at the uh.. thee um... oh what's it called?"

"Engineering Advisor?"

He snaps his fingers together to form a click sound "that's it! That's the one" 

"Get to your point" I demand upon realising he's stalling me for some reason.

"I'm worried about you Ethan. Your behaviour is becoming increasingly concerning."

I look at him, his eyes wide and focused on me. I shift uncomfortably and fiddle with the top of the chair in front of me. "Yeah well... tell me something I don't know"

"It just seems in the past week, you've been more erratic than usual... Is everything okay?"

"fine" I reply firmly.

"How is your meetings with Dr. Winterman going?"

He struck a nerve.

A very frayed and burnt out nerve. 

"s'okay" I shrug

"My, you're very talkative-" Mr. Platt stops as someone knocks on the door "Excuse me Ethan"

Upon getting up to leave the room, he knocks his desk which wakes his computer from the sleep setting, I gaze over at his screen which is on his emails, open on the one from Mr. Reed.

Blah Blah Blah... concerned about Ethan Miles... Blah Blah... Increasingly worrying behaviour... Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah... Emillia Willis... Blah Blah Blah Blah... Ethan's grades dropping significantly in classes... blah blah blah blah blah blah... his most recent essay was not up to the full standard I would expect... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... Being disruptive in majority of classes... blah blah... Concerned for his mental state... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, 

Do we involve his parents?

A door clicks, I turn around and see Mr. Platt stood with papers in his hand.

"As much as I love our chats Ethan, I've got something that needs sorting. Will I have the pleasure of speaking tomorrow?"

Unless someone cuts out your tongue and voice box... sure.

Not that I would. You've not pissed me off enough.