Outcast

Traveller

"You ask questions to get answers, but with me that's never how it works. I just sit here and you listen, occasionally you scribble down a phrase or something that I've just said. I don't know where I'm heading. It's like I'm a car rolling down the road with no breaks and I'm just... going without a sense of direction or hope. I've got nothing going for me and nothing to keep me there. People come and go and yet there's no one with full trust of any situation that's going on because everyone just stabs everyone in the back and what good does that do anything? You wake up in the morning thinking everything's gonna be alright and then you realise that that never ever happens because it's just a parody of how you think life's gonna be and it just fucks you over so much." I say with my head down and fiddling with my thumb.

"Why do you think you feel like this?" Ben asks, the therapist coming out in him which pisses me off.

"I dunno."

"Surely there's something that makes you feel this way?" I shrug my shoulders "Ethan this is a two way street"

"You know what, forget it. I'll leave"

"Ethan, sit down"

"No! I'm just gonna go"

I swipe his card off his desk and use it to open the door. I chuck it into his room, where it landed I couldn't careless. It was a mistake agreeing with him and saying that I would talk. Slowly I walk back down to the coast and make my way along to the slipway and across the beach. The rain had stopped and people had disappeared but suddenly everything felt wrong. The beach still had people on it and it was becoming high tide. People should be packing up.

I walk down to the rocks and climb up to the highest point, the sea doesn't reach this high but it only comes metres below. There was a small flat rock which was perfect to sit on and watch the sunset over the horizon. It felt nice here, there was no one to interrupt and no one to come and tell you what you were doing was wrong. I could quite happily make a den up this high.

The sun was slowly sinking down the sky and causing the lighting to change which made the world seem nicer. I could see the sea level coming closer and closer to the point in which I was sat but before it could reach me it sank a little. The only way I'd get wet now was if I'd dangled down my legs or a huge wave came and ate me. It was a fairly clear night too.

The stars shone bright as if they were torches beaming down from another planet. This was my home.

Over the sound of the waves lapping at the rocks and at the shore behind me I could hear dogs barking and people running, I could see why they'd do it. Something therapeutic about running with a dog on a warm summer night.

**

Saturday 4:44am.

A loud truck rumbles past the coast which startles me as I awake on the rock. My legs were stiff and my hands numb from the crisp air that had settled in during the night. The sun was rising slowly and the sea had lowered enough for me to climb down slowly watching every step closely since the darkness wasn't light enough for me to just gracefully run down.

I could see people opening up the cafe that opened at 5 and car headlights parking up for people to go on their early morning run. No one had noticed me all night which was a blessing and a curse at the same time. My phone had died in the early hours so I have no idea if anyones tried contacting me. They probably haven't, no one really notices me anymore. The most contact I get is from school or Ben.

"Morning" A runner says as she runs past me, she was oddly energetic and oddly happy for such an early time in the morning.

"Can I get a hot chocolate to go?" I ask the woman behind the counter

"Yeah sure. £2.50" She says turning around to steam the milk.

I rummage around in my pocket for some change and pull out a £5 note, I could've got breakfast too.

"Here"

I grab my hot chocolate and change then make my way to the outdoors. I walk down the road and stop at the bus stop. A bus comes and without thinking I get on.

"Where you going lad?" The northern bus driver asks me

"Anywhere" I say emotionless

I take a ticket and sit down at the back of the bus. It was warm and the seats were comfortable. I don't know where I'm heading but I'm going there.

Numerous amounts of people get on and off this bus, the majority of them are business workers or teenagers getting to their weekend jobs to pay for their drink habit. No one knew me or saw me which finally made me feel at home.

I spot the bus stop before the abandoned hotel and get off. Sneaking through the fence and up the pathway I make it into the hotel undetected and here I will stay for the rest of the weekend.

There was still blood on the floor where it happened, and I didn't dare look down to where he fell. It finally felt nice being home again, somewhere where I could be whole again without anything or anyone judging me for something I did. I wonder if anyone's noticed i've been missing. If anyone misses me. I couldn't wait for Monday to come back around just to haunt me again. It was nice being away from loads of shit and loads of arguing because it didn't feel like home.

Like it was supposed to.