A humorous book with what I've learned here on this platform, in the years that I have read and written. Just a bit of fun! Its only purpose is to give you a laugh not to offend you. I hope you enjoy it.
When I signed in to be a member of this creative platform I had this ridiculous idea that it was a platform where people here simply write and share their writing with others and people comment. Something like an online book club more or less. Little did I know that I entered a battlefield.Yes, you read correctly, a battlefield.
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I soon understood that it doesn't really matter how good your writing is or how eloquent you write, using fancy words and descriptive language; if your plot is interesting as well as believable, applicable even or whether you were fluent. It doesn't matter what you write but who you "know". If you have popular friends and if you are well-known in the social media world then you have a lot of reads and a million followers. So if you are active on twitter, instagram etc you are more likely to have reads and followers. Of course, that doesn't mean whoever is popular is not a good writer ( I personally know of popular writers who are brilliant). Let us not forget the purpose of these lessons which is to have a laugh.
Then we have the "read mine and I'll read yours" people. Those who read your stuff only if you vote for theirs. Like some sort of a business exchange. Next, we'll have people giving out iban numbers expecting a payment for reading.
Yeap I have had a few people who asked me to to do that. Whether or not I gave in to temptation... you will never know. (Of course I haven't!)
And then there are those who claim to have some sort of connection with a celebrity and that seems to draw more reads and followers. I mean tomorrow I could claim that I'm a third cousin of the fourth cousin of the girl who is a neighbour of Harry Styles's gardener and automatically I'll gain a few hundred followers and a few thousand reads. Hmm... or I could just claim that I am his doctor or to have healed his nana from cancer or his mother even.
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Truth is, I have come across people like that who take advantage of the innocence and gullibility. Yeap true story!
And then we have the popular writers who blackmail us. Yes, I use the word blackmail because that's exactly what it is.
They end their stories with something like:
1) Harry opens the box, looks inside and gasps.
If you want to find out what happens with Harry I need to get 2679 reads and at least 347 votes or I won't update
2) Niall takes his hardness into his hand and guides it at Sara's entrance...
If you want to find out if Niall enters her and if she is wet I need to get 100,156 reads and at least 1,781 votes.
And I wonder: wtaf?
But you read and you vote because you fear of a reenactment of 1995 Seven with Brad Pitt and Kevin Spacey where the latter has the head of Paltrow in the bloody box. What the fuck is in that damn box? And then you vote for the next one too not for you, but for poor Niall who will stay hard at Sara's entrance for a fucking month if you don't take pity.
What is it with demanding votes like that? I find it rather rude to be honest but that's just me.
Next, we have the "you can't be my friend if you are hers" people. Oh, don't get me started. I've lived quite the drama to last me a lifetime here. Why can't I be friends with everyone? Why can't we all coexist?
And finally you look around Wattpad for a decent story and you come across a title that's quite interesting and the synopsis looks OK, too. There's a wonderful cover and a promising trailer, not to mention the 1 billion reads. So you say to yourself "Oh this must be good" and you start reading only to find out that the writer can barely conjugate the verb be in the Past Simple tense. The main character has been disabled for thirteen years after a horrific accident and then miraculously recovers when the handsome surgeon operates on her, only to lose her sight a month later. Needless to say, popularity queens don't even bother answer comments or thank readers. Nope, you need to make an appointment and if they have time, they might squeeze you in right before the girl regains her sight after another accident.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that sometimes numbers can be misleading and popularity isn't the goal here (because if it were we all know I would have won that, there's really no competition there rofl). Writing is. Improving your writing, making friends along the way, people who are as weird as you making you feel less weird about yourself lol.
