A humorous book with what I've learned here on this platform, in the years that I have read and written. Just a bit of fun! Its only purpose is to give you a laugh not to offend you. I hope you enjoy it.
Guilt. That is exactly how I feel every time I open my underwear drawer and look at my cotton briefs that I bought from Marks and Spencer's in packs of five. Wattpad has shamed them, put them in the back of the bus. Yes, dear friends. My name is Anna and I have some colourful briefs and yes, during my period *sniffs, I have *holds in a sob, I have granny pants (with little hearts on them and one has kittens on them).
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Well yeah, ever since I started reading stories here I have realised that apparently, it's not proper for a woman or girl or whatever female to wear anything under her garment which is not lace. And everything here matches. It's blue lace bra and blue panties. It's forest green bra and forest green panties. Excuse me ladies but lace is itchy af. Don't get me wrong, I own my very sexy sets with the strings and the bows and the little this and the little that but forgive me for the need of comfort in my daily life and difficult days. (needless to say, once I got tied up in one of these sets like the one above the chapter while trying to put it on, they should come with a manual you know)
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Here, you hook up with someone and magically everything matches and you are shaved and you smell like sunshine all the damn time! Not to mention the fact that I get so frustrated with British English and American English. For fuck's sake pick a fucking word. Is it panties or pants or undies or g-strings or thongs or knickers or bras or boob cases! Pick a word and leave us alone. Every time I read I'm like does he mean pants like in trousers or does he mean pants like underwear. Let's just wait and see. If something else comes off that means it was pants, I mean trousers. Damn it! See, confusing shit!
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I will personally send a letter to Wattpad headquarters demanding some financial support, they'll be happy I don't sue them, because now I only buy lace. Evidently ever since I became a Wattpad fanatic I need to act as the alluring female as the main characters here but those sets are expensive shit people. I once deposited my kidney and two toes to pay for a matching set from a lingerie shop.
I do save on the PJs though. I don't need anything more than hubby's old T-shirts but they should be of an old rock group. Rolling Stones, Ramones, Eagles. So I don't spend a fortune on PJs just on band shirts because hubby didn't have any. So we bought some and I had him wear them for a few days and then I used them as pajamas. But they had to be a certain length so I measured them. I wanted them to reach mid-thigh like the girls here, so now I am relieved.
I am currently cleaning my underwear drawer and I pick up my beige bra, with support ...because the laws of gravity are ruthless after you give birth just wait and see. And I wonder what's wrong with beige. It doesn't show under your clothes, it's discreet and everything. I mean imagine if we wore red bras under a white T-shirt and showed in class to teach teenagers. Noooo! I'll keep the beige one just in case.
So farewell old cotton panties. Hello, lace ones ;)
(OK I don't have Monday, Tuesday briefs and Wattpad has certainly enriched my love life so I take this opportunity to thank my fellow Wattpaders for their sexy suggestions- hubby says hi, too!)
