A humorous book with what I've learned here on this platform, in the years that I have read and written. Just a bit of fun! Its only purpose is to give you a laugh not to offend you. I hope you enjoy it.
Today I am trying a reverse psychology approach. I will not teach but I will rather ask something that has been on my mind for a while and has me puzzled.
How is it that everybody's fridge here on Wattpad, is always stocked with fresh fruit in all varieties, eggs and bacon, kale and chicken? Is this magic?
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The main character could be away for months due to a number of reasons but despite that fact they seem to always have the ingredients to put together a stir fry in minutes, cut fresh strawberries for breakfast, make a kale smoothie or quickly fix an omelette. However, the item that gets me every time has to be the bacon. Apparently, our characters buy a lot of it and it never goes bad and it never runs out. They always have bacon around for breakfast. Always!
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In my house, these things never happen. I need to go to the supermarket at least three times a week and even then I ran out of bacon. I'd need a cow in the living room to meet my kids' needs in milk. Damn me! What am I doing wrong? Why don't I have those magic skills that keep fruit fresh or the knowledge of how to make the perfect pancakes?
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Everybody miraculously wakes up to lovers making breakfast for them. And they make pancakes and bacon and they cut fresh fruit and they make kale smoothies. Why doesn't my lover do the same? Was it because I didn't shave my armpits well? Was it because I might have accidentally used teeth during or...during...you know? Don't I deserve the fluffy omelette and the always crispy bacon and my lover waiting for me naked holding a spatula?
I demand an answer: When do these people go grocery shopping? Actually, when do they do any housework whatsoever? How the fuck do their bed sheets always smell of lavender or detergent? How is it that their houses are always spotless since we never catch them doing mundane chores like dusting, taking out the garbage or what really disgusts me, clean the shower. They puke their guts out due to the drunken night out but nobody seems to clean after them. Miraculously, the stink disappears and they are happy meals at MacDonald's.
In my house, I have to do these things. OK, OK, I don't but that's because I have a maid who gets paid good money to this stuff, bless her. I have to work my ass off to make enough money so that I can pay the maid to do what I am supposed to do but clearly, almost no character does here. Maybe they have magic powers like Samatha from bewitched and they twitch their noses and everything is SHAZAM clean and SHAZAM again they are master chefs making Chicken Alfredo and coq au vin for lunch in minutes.
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I need to sign in these Wattpad classes. Where do I sign up?
